Okay, so. I'm a 17 year old female and I've been single for about two months now. That's fine and dandy with me, especially since my ex started turning into some retarded half-jerk. The only thing is, for a while I've been having this strong feeling of loneliness. I thought leaving the guy, since communication was dying out (it was an online relationship-- but we met once), would kinda fix things a little. Y'know, meet new people, find someone better. But it hasn't really. The loneliness just gets worse. I'm rather shy around new people, so I don't make many friends easily and even online I seem to, surprisingly, be having trouble meeting new people. But, yeah. I guess things wouldn't be too bad if not for one thing...
See, I have this friend online whom I met through my ex. We've known each other for months now. We talk a lot, online, and sometimes on the phone (hell, I've talked to him on the phone more than my ex would bother to talk to me). Even while I was still dating, I had a thing for the guy. And that thing isn't leaving. He's really nice, caring, funny. I dunno-- he makes me feel really happy. And I can say that I'm really in love with the dude. But alas, love is never so simple.
He's seeing someone, online, for a year now. He's really into her, though sometimes he doesn't see her a lot, and he ends up moping to me about it. Sometimes I want to tell him "well, at least you have someone!" and, bah. Seeing him down over her sucks. ._. I wish I could do more to make him feel better, but I'm not her, and that's all that would really make him happy.
So you'd think knowing he has someone, the love for him would die down... but it hasn't. I've tried to distance myself from him, ignoring him, but it doesn't help much.. just makes me feel bad 'cause all I end up doing is thinking about him, especially since I already feel very lonely. I don't really have many people to talk to anymore. At least, not many I feel really connected to. And that's all I kinda want.. a connection with someone. Preferably him. He says he's lonely, too.. and we'll just be there, lonely together. It sucks. He's one of the few people who still always talks to me, will lent me vent and mope to him, and is just always there... yet he can still make me feel so sad. I just can't have him. I told him how I've felt, and while he might think I'm over him (though, I'm starting to wonder if he's caught on that I'm still into him...) I'm not. He doesn't even like me like that. I'm just the lil sister. Urgh.
I don't know. One would think with all this I'd actually stop loving him like that. But part of me is still clinging to that little bit of hope that, somewhere along the line, maybe I'd have a chance. But... I know I won't. =_=;
Yeah, you may say I need to get out more. Meet more people around my area and stuff. I'm trying. I've been going outside to summer programs and stuff since school let out. And yeah, I know, I have all my life for love and stuff. I'm trying to meet new people... but like I said, I'm shy. And when the loneliness bites, it bites really damn hard. At the end of the day, this guy is someone who I know I can fall back on. Why can't I just be happy with him as a friend?
I just needed to vent. I don't know if anything's gonna get better. I guess they will, but it doesn't feel like it right now. I just want to stop caring about love for a while so I can concentrate on me... but my heart is just being a bitch. I don't want to stop talking to the guy, he's a really great friend, but... Sigh. The feelings just keep coming back.
>So you'd think knowing he has someone, the love for him would die down
Actually. that doesn't really follow. Oftentimes, the ones we can't seem to get also generate the strongest feelings.
I can sort of understand your feelings, although I don't have a crush on anybody it's still been a long time since I was last in a relationship and the loneliness can be a little strong at times. Humans are social creatures, hard to live without connections to others.
As for him, if he's totally uninterested in you then I can't really offer a whole lot of suggestions. Might be worth making your feelings clear again just for the sake of trying but I honestly wonder if that wouldn't put a big strain on your friendship. Then again, I guess it's already under some pressure as it is.
Btw, are you typically high anxiety? If so, does this anxiety typify itself mainly in social situations?
So whats the story about you and your ex?
Wow.. I wrote too much to fit in one post. Eheh.
>>2
I've actually told him about my feelings... three times now. I guess it's gone from vague to a little more clear since the previous two time he actually forgot I ever told him (he actually said "How come you never told me you liked me?" come the third time). He's always said stuff like "you'll find someone better than me" and the last time finally said he didn't like me like that. As far as I can tell, he's never seemed uncomfortable around me afterwards so I dunno if there'd be a strain.. at least not for him.
Recently I've been hinting to him that I still am interested in him. Mostly by saying there's something I want, but can't have and so and so. Last night I was feeling down for a while and when I cheered up a bit, he said he should be getting to bed, but I asked if he could stay up a little longer for me. Then he said "...Ah. Now I see what you want." and stayed. I didn't get a chance to question that, and frankly, was rather worried to incase it brought up the conversation of my feelings for him. =_=;
He says he's not interested, but he can be so loving to me in a way, sometimes I wonder if it's true. That or he's just showing siblingly love or whatever. He's always saying he's such a bad boyfriend, but.. I wish I could make him see otherwise.
As for high anxiety... I don't know, really. I think so. I'm rather neurotic (or whatever you cal it) I think. I get nervous, paranoid, and worry a lot about what other people think (unless it comes to how I look or something-- then I don't care what they think). I hate feeling like I'm interrupting someone, which I guess keeps me from jumping in on conversations with peers... And as for when someone talks to me, I kinda clam up and can't say much.
>>3
Alright. You wanna know about me and my ex? 'Kay!
So I met him through my first boyfriend (yet again, another online thing) back when I was in 7th or 8th grade. Back then, he was a really great guy to chat with. A hell of a lot nicer than my first boyfriend. But after some stuff happened, I stopped talking to my first ex and to him for like... two years.
Then out of nowhere one night my first ex calls me. I kinda freak since I never gave him my phone number, but I know who he got it from (a girly friend I used to talk to). We talked a bit and decided to be friends again. It turned out he had been trying to get in touch with me again the whole time, since after I left, he realised what an ass he was and what he missed out on. Psht.
But anyway, since I started talking to him, I started talking to my ex again. We clicked again as friends and it was kinda like old times. I joined some RP site he was on, and through that we started to chat a lot more together, and got closer. Eventually, I started falling for him and soon confessed and we started going out.
For a while, he seemed like the best boyfriend I ever had. Really sweet and thoughtful. We even mailed gifts to each other during christmas. Spoke on the phone a few times, but he was never really into phone much. After a while, communication was kinda dieing down, and I guess that's when I started feeling lonely. But I was still hopeful that something would spark things and keep us together. We met each other at that OSU anime convention. The meeting went really well-- one of the happiest days I experienced this year. Our parents met each other and stuff, too. But afterwards, communication still wasn't doing too well. He still didn't care to call (even after he PROMISED to call me once a week) and we'd go hours without talking to each other online. He was always busy with games, RPing, anime and other things. I have no problem with all that-- heck, I do all the same things, but is it really so hard to talk and spend a little time with your girlfriend, however you can? It's not like we had the pleasure to see each other face to face all the time. We live over 14 hours away from each other. I knew he had his own life, but really, I felt ignored a lot. He'd barely even share how his day went with me. So I broke it off for the sake of my happiness.
We stayed friends afterwards. But nowadays I can't stand to talk to him. He can act like a jerk and jokes way too much. I'm still kinda sensitive about the break up. I never really stayed friends with an ex before (I'm not even talking to my first boyfriend anymore) but sometimes he jokes about us breaking up. I know it's all meant in good fun, but it irks me. It feels like what we had was really nothing. So yeah. That's the jist of things with him.
I really hope neither of them see all this.@_@;
You have choosen lifestyle poorly for a serious relationship, obviously. What do you want most, your lifestyle, or a relationship that fullfills your needs? I believe you cannot have both. I also believe you need to change before you can find someone suiting.
Become an hero.