So this last Thursday night/Friday morning, I was hanging out by myself at a local karaoke bar (as I usually do), when some girl started eyeing me repeatedly. Eventually, we bump into each other and get to talking. During this time, she lets me know repeatedly how cute she thinks I am and even buys me a drink after I offered and she declined, so her intentions were already pretty obvious. Some 45 minutes or so later, I've got her phone number right before she leaves with her sister and friends.
Acting on the advice of an older friend who is well-versed in the skill of courting women, I called her up early yesterday evening (she picked up!) to make plans for an outing with a group of my friends. She later called me to say she was stuck with her little sister at her job until 2:00 AM, so I swung by the place (a bowling alley) by myself and we hung out at the bar for an hour or two. By the time we left the place, she told me she was too tired to do anything else that night. Nothing eventful, but I figured she appreciated my being there (the previous arrangement was for the group and us to go to some house party near my place). This is the first time I've ever gone on anything remotely resembling a date outside of my HS senior prom.
Unfortunately I think I'm already in danger of losing her. I'm too shy to ever make a first move, but that hasn't stopped me in the past, since girls approach me semi-frequently anyway. The greater problem is that I'm not very good at all when it comes to following through and reciprocating their advances toward me. I never picked up how to give them the physical stimulation and intimacy they want (touching, grabbing, holding, kissing, etc, especially in public places), so they always end up losing interest and moving on to someone else. I love dancing by myself, but dancing with someone else for any extended period of time is almost guaranteed to make the person distance herself from me, and the few times I've even kissed a girl ended pretty badly because I'm so awkward and self-conscious about it.
On top of that, I'm not exactly the greatest conversationalist. I have a good sense of humor that makes her laugh (though at times it may be a bit too dry for her) and know that it's best to just be myself. We've talked about a variety of things these past two nights, but there have been many weird periods of silence followed by some generic question ("What do you study at school? Do you have any pets? Any tattoos?") that makes it feel like we have little in common and are just going in circles. I also have some long-time issues with stuttering, slurring my words (because I talk too fast or am too self-conscious of what I'm saying) and maintaining eye contact.
Finally, because we have a bit of an age difference -- she's 24 and I'm four months from 21 -- I feel like I'm lower than her and don't want to make her feel like she's wasting her time with some dorky, insecure college kid that she probably only meant to fool around with for one night. (¥ƒÖ¥` )
Worst of all, I dread falling into the "friend zone" again.
Anyway, before departing last night she told me to call her today so we can figure out when to meet next. I talked to my friend again on the way home, who told me that house party was broken up by the police anyway. He also suggested that we find something to do again tonight and invite her along. Personally, I think it's a bit too soon to ask her again and may set off alarms of me possibly being desperate or clingy. On the other hand, she might appreciate my persistence, especially if she still just wants to fool around. But if we were to meet again for the third night in a row, I have a feeling it would be my last chance before fucking things up for good. Another night of idle chit-chat won't cut it.
Don't call her today, give it like a few days. Don't offer an excuse unless she asks and then tell her you were busy with last minute work. Ask her out for another date.
For the physical stuff, just go with the flow. You should be comfortable with her when you are out, so relax. Ask her to dance and be honored you have such a good dancer with you. Let her touch you. If things go well, go for a kiss at the end of the date. Just lean in and plant one on her when you drop her off.
You are in danger of being classified as weak. She is after you because she is obviously sexually attracted. Real men don't know "friend zones". What for others might seem a "friend zone", is actually an opportunity. Any man can get any woman, and women always fall. She wants you to pursue her more aggressively. (What girl doesn't like when guys try to attract their attention?) But she has already been aggressive towards you so she won't do any movements anymore, and now if you don't reply back aggressively, she will give it up and look for someone else. So now it's your turn to move. I'd take her out to a park, lay on the grass and watch the stars (you can choose to watch the stars or her, whichever you find more attractive. That will teach you something about eye contact.) When you go out on a date always be prepared with money or food/drinks. Be creative and practice.
Sorry, >she won't do any movements anymore
is actually >she won't do any moves anymore
>>2
I agreed last night to call her. I don't want to be a jerk and have her either hate me or forget about me. She already knows I'm a tech support call center monkey, so the "last minute work" excuse to give the impression that I have a life would hardly fly methinks.
>>5
If you want her, be a jerk. Don't call her damnit. You're the boss. If she can't handle you not calling she can GTFO, but she won't. She'll want you even more and soon she'll be CRAVING YOUR COCK.
I just get the impression that, having been so straightfoward with me during our first encounter, she wouldn't be the type of person who wants to waste time with these retarded mind games.
Eh, whatever. I sent her a text message in the late afternoon, and tonight I'm going out and getting pissed by myself.
So she ended up calling me later last night on my way to the movies, saying she was taking the night off to relax at home. I think I should call her later tonight so we can figure out when to meet next.
Is she "well-versed" or is she shy?
Apparently the only ones failing here is SA trying to help. Running out of creativity? Op, you're right (>>7). But rememnber you want to make her feel courted, so don't skip to the chase like men (going directly for sex is usually not a good idea). So try not to forget the 'romance' factor. I feel you can handle your situation, but if you need any specific help, ask away (maybe even SA might come up with something good). It's good that you're not following SA's advice and sticking with your own judgment. Keep it up.
>>9
I don't think she's all that shy, though she confessed to me on the first night that she was pretty nervous about picking me up.
Anyway, I'm facing a bit of a tough choice now: I could schedule a date (our first real one) for either tonight or tomorrow, and then we'll probably meet again on Friday. I have a strong feeling that she'll be very ready for sex by then, but I'm wondering which of the two possible dates is optimal to help maintain her interest throughout the week.
Should I make it tonight and (theoretically) prolong/amplify her anticipation by an extra day, or make it tomorrow and keep the memory of it fresher in the mind? Keep in mind that we haven't seen each other since last Friday night/early Saturday morning.
Build up the anticipation. Ask her out for tomorrow or even for day after tomorrow. Don't wait too long, but don't rush it either. And if she is ready, make sure you are ready. Keep a condom on you just incase things get physical.
Another problem is the matter of ordering alcohol at restaurants, bars and clubs. Thanks to prudish American legislature, I'm still considered a kid when it comes to holding my own drink, but I don't want to constantly remind her of our age difference whenever we go out.
I've been able to order my drinks without issue at the two places we've been to so far because either one of us is cool with the bartender (the second time, it was her sister who was serving), but once we start heading out to other places I'll probably end up getting carded each time. So should I just play it safe and order water/soda (even though she knows I drink) or go for it and hope the waiter isn't in an inquisitive mood?
It doesn't matter if you meet her Wed, Thurs, as long as you meet her. The point is to get sex on Fri or Sat, or whenever you plan to bring her home or go her apartmet, and once she's in your bed or you're in hers, it won't matter when the date was. The whole point is to set a time to eat/dinner together at someone's house on Fri/sat and do everything that entails food (yeah, "dessert").
As for drinks, it all depends on what you feel comfortable with. She's not annoyed by the age difference at all, so if you want to drink, ask without concern of getting refused. If you'd rather not be troubled with those meaningless nuisances, then just drink soda. Either way, she won't think much of it. I've said this before: you're analyzing too much.
Oh God, she just sent me a "Good morning" text message. Why didn't I think of that yesterday?
I feel wanted. Today will be a good day. :)
OK, so as a result of shitty work schedules and accidental nappings, we have decided to postpone our first real date until Friday. To make up for it, though, I really want to blow her away with an awesome romantic evening.
Now, without giving away too many details of our exact location, we happen to live on the lower tip of a penis-shaped peninsula state with lots of great beaches. The plan right now is to take her to a nice restaurant nearby, then walk down to the beach and go from there.
I think I should definitely bring some form of an alcoholic beverage with us, but I have no idea what; I've only seen her with a drink once (blue Long Island Iced Tea). Obviously, wine is a classy selection, but I don't know what kind(s) she likes or if she even likes it at all! Liquor and beer seem a lot more crude and un-gentleman like in comparison, so I'd like to avoid those.
What am I to do? :(
Correction: I've never seen her with a drink, period. Both times we've met she told me she'd had enough for the time being. It was actually me who had the blue Long Island Iced Tea. :(
Side note: a friend of mine suggested buying a bottle of Riesling, but then someone else told me it's a dessert wine so I'm not sure whether it'd be appropriate or not. Comments?
It's possible she doesn't drink then. Not that likely, but possible.
I suggest non-alcoholic energy drinks.
The reason for choosing drinks you could get in a convenience store is to be more casual and closer. Sometimes excessive courtship can distance your date.
So we met again (somewhat spontaneously) last Thursday at the same bar from a week before, and by the end of the night we're making out outside waiting for her sister and friends to come out. I think she liked it a lot.
We sorta planned to meet on Friday night after she got out of work at 10:30 PM -- at the same bowling alley bar from a week before where her sister works -- so I hung out there with my (male) friend while I waited for her to show up. Around 1:00 AM, I got a call from her saying she had dozed off at home again, so we just chatted for a bit and then I stuck around with my friend until the place closed.
Late Saturday morning, she mentioned she'd call me when she got out of work, but she never did, which led me to assume she had dozed off again at home. Around midnight, she texts me asking what happened (like I'm the one that was supposed to call her), and I ask her if she wants me to pick her up for a house party some of my friends were having. After a while, I send her another text message and later leave a voicemail but it's no use. She never responded.
That was the last response I got from her until yesterday afternoon. She told me in a text message that she was sorry for being out of touch, and that she's "got some stuff going on" (whatever that means). I replied, but again haven't gotten a response since.
Am I being too hasty? Am I being played? I hope not. :( She said her last boyfriend was up in Jersey (where she's from), and appearance-wise she isn't the kind of girl that would make guys do a double-take if they glanced at her.
Anyway, I'm gonna give her a call later this afternoon or early evening to ask if she's OK, etc etc (yes, I really do care). I'm also thinking of discreetly dropping off a humble gift for her later this week at the store where she works (I've had it since Tuesday last week when we were making plans for our first date).
You can't be too paranoid about being played. What if there was a death in the family or something? It doesn't have to be quite so dramatic, but it doesn't have to be some sort of 'play' or betrayal.
Like others have said. You're reading into things too much. I understand that it can be hard not to over-think these things when you are the person in the position to be hurt or to 'score' (doesn't necessarily have to be sex).
As for her an her naps... my wife naps all the time. She'll come home from work and just go to sleep right away. One of her friends is the same way, always taking naps. It could be that this girl is the same. She lays down to take a short nap that ends up taking longer. It could also be related to whatever issues she's dealing with. She could be just using it as a cover to not talk about some personal issues that came up while trying not to make you feel stood up at the same time.