Just a small story (13)

1 Name: Not So Secret Admirer : 2006-09-24 14:31 ID:6dEMMOri

Hello /love/, I used to lurk here for a while, and now I decided to post my story.

I must say that in my 19 years of life I've almost never socialized with women (i.e. holding a conversation for more than 10 minutes) until a few months ago. I decided to change my life and get to actually force myself into talking with someone from the opposite sex.

After overcoming some initial fears, mostly due to lack of confidence, I finally engaged in some conversations. Some of them were very interesting actually. I met some girls and have become friends with them.

Now there's this girl I met online, I've never met her in real life, but still, she's the most interesting person I've ever met. She has broad cultural knowledge, she's very funny, I almost became instantly attracted by her personality. We'd talk for hours on end about just everything. Somedays when I got off work I was actually eager to get home and have a small philosophical chat with her, discuss the state of affairs, human psychology, etc...

And then, a couple of days ago I got to know she's now dating someone. When I learned that, I felt very happy for her. I regarded her as a friend, a friend that I could truly talk to, unlike many other people I knew. But the truth is, a couple of hours later, after talking to her, I started feeling depressed, my heart started pumping faster and started feeling a huge melancholy. A week later, I'm still feeling like that, from when I wake up to the hour I go to sleep. I even have difficulty to go to sleep with this heartrate. I rationally connected these events with a certain announcement... even though I'm still able to hold the conversations with her.

So, /love/, from then on I've tried to think out what my problem is. I've thought of the following hypothesis:

  • I'm in love, plain and simple, and knowing that she's not available makes me envious of a certain lucky bastard, despite still being able to talk to her.
  • I'm in love, because it's simply my emotional/relationship immaturity showing up, and I fell in love with the first interesting person from the opposite sex I met.
  • I'm eating way too much salt.

The first two seem the most reasonable, the second one sounds a bit too much like denial, but it is true I'm still not completely at ease with women.

I guess it's also important to mention I don't even know what she looks like...

So I think I'm pretty sure I'm in love! And what's funny is I didn't even know about it until I got to know I wouldn't be able to get it! Human nature at its best? But still, regardless of my own emotions, I'm happy she found someone to be with, even though my ego keeps hammering its way into my thoughts.

And that's all, I just wanted to vent off a little.
Meanwhile I'll try to figure someway of getting this pain off my chest (lol emoness).

Have a nice day!

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-24 21:10 ID:Heaven

Yeah, falling in love with someone online is rough.

There's a girl that I've liked online for a while, but since I know that we will never meet each other (I'm not sure I would be able to, even if we could), and since I know it would be weird if I announced it to her, I never have.

It's only my second time falling in love with someone, with the first time being a real-life crush that nothing ever came out of. Thus, the reason that I came up with for it is pretty much the same as your second one.

3 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-09-25 03:10 ID:Heaven

You've definitely had too much salt. You obviously don't know what love is and haven't read the very recent posts about love vs. obsession. You're not in love, you're developing a crush and you are in denial. If you're a man, you will ask her out, meet and court her, and disregard the fact that she's seeing sommeone else. If you're not, you will become obsessed, depressed, and squirm like what you are. You're too young and too unexperienced and that's it. My advice: you will go out on a date with her, be a man, develop stronger feelings, and as you grow into a socially mature person, learn what love is. Did I mention to learn to be creative and practice?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-26 05:53 ID:WC8ZKFF7

Mireille guy keeps attacking guys' masculinity if they're actually respectful of other people. This is the third post I've seen in recent days of him doing that. Frankly, it's getting old. Is it so strange to imagine, a world where people actually have some respect for each other? Where people set aside their cocks and egos in the name of friendship?

You're her friend. You wish you could be more, but she's involved in a relationship already. Friends don't try to break up friends' relationships, whether they're guy friends or girl friends. Friends are friends.

My advice is to just continue being her friend. I know it'll be hard because of the additional feelings you have, but there are ways to get around that (see later). But if those feelings really persist (and it's garbage to say that you don't know what love is - there are many kinds of love and only you know what you really feel), and it gets too hard, then chat with her less, see her less, etc. If you really have to, tell her the truth - it's too difficult to continue the friendship because you have romantic feelings toward her, and she's already involved.

Maybe one day, they'll break up. Then, if you still have feelings, court her. Tell her how you feel, etc. By then, she'll know what a wonderful guy you are. But be warned - if they doesn't feel the same, this may be the most difficult kind of rejection to take, because people tend to invest a lot of 'emotional capital' over time doing this.

But honestly, the best way to 'forget' her, is to go out and meet more people. More girls. And find another one that you like, who is hopefully single. You've already got the meeting new girls down - just keep at it! There's lot of girls out there, single ones too. That's my advice. And if you don't meet anyone new for a while, you can always try biding your time with this one.

Good luck!

5 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-09-26 18:17 ID:Heaven

>>4
Ok, I accept your attack. Usually, when you deal with online situations, you know you're not in the chat simply to make online friends. You're there as a step to meet in person (chat->phone->date). Look at the situation, she might be interested in someone. If he is looking to develop feelings and try emotional suicide, then I'd congratulate him and tell him to go ahead and keep being friends with someone he hasn't seen once. (Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?)
Get yourself a tripcode, and I'll gladly dismantle and destroy every argument you have with my reasoning, insight, and experience. Now, I am planning to leave this board soon (for I have important time consuming relationships as well), and this is the reason I seem to be more aggressive in every single post of advice I give. I want to stir the thoughts of people who frequent this board enough to make them rethink and reanalyze everything about their relationships for their own good.

6 Name: Not So Secret Admirer : 2006-09-30 03:33 ID:YdT3FQ+f

lawl hay guys

I had a cup of coffee with the girl in question the other day.

After the five hour stay on the café I even came to accept the fact that she's some 4 inches taller than me...

Sooo I'm just going to meet her again tomorrow and tell her exactly how I feel.

The thought of it scares the shit out of me, but hey, at least my mind will be clear if I have to start looking for someone else.

Anyway, Mireille Guy, thanks for the insight on my person, bits of it are certainly true.

ah, the world is vast...
take care and spread the love!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-10 21:14 ID:En+iqkqU

>>6

different from 1

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-16 06:53 ID:z/qmu0BY

>>1
Awww how sweet! @-@

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-16 08:28 ID:+vEspsrr

>>5

How do you 'plan to leave the board?' Do you work it into your schedule?

"Oh, after lunch next week, I'll leave the board."

If you really have 'important time consuming relationships' then you just disappear when they consume your time because they are more important. You don't go, "sorry, babe. but I can't meet you for dinner yet, I haven't left the board yet, but if you wait until November 16th, I'm leaving the board at 1pm so I can have an early dinner with you around 5."

You're one of those guys that's going to be saying, "I'm really leaving this time guys." Then reappear three days later with this, "well, do they miss me yet?" attitude.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-17 06:34 ID:z/qmu0BY

>>9
"You're one of those guys that's going to be saying, "I'm really leaving this time guys." Then reappear three days later with this, "well, do they miss me yet?" attitude."
LOL Agreed! ^-^

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-17 15:57 ID:I/d95F6f

>>9

ignore the attention whore or troll, and they'll dissapear themselves

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-17 22:01 ID:KzMZrIeA

>>1
Girls are like often that, they are best enjoyed at a distance... Too close, and first, you loose your heart. Then, slowly loose your mind. Hopelessly lost.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 12:46 ID:AXv1pu6D

>>9, no, U||rich just don't leavin' the board.... yo, please don' teach us things we don't wanna learn (here). This is the relaxed board....

aaaahhh.... so relaxed...!

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