Commenting on girlfriend's cooking... (8)

1 Name: Mach6 : 2006-10-21 06:04 ID:TIhTbDeo

Hello. I have a girlfriend and she occasionally cooks for me. Whenever she cooks she asks me if the food is good or not, and I say they are very good even though some of the dishes she makes are "OK" rating. She does not believe me when I say the food is really good. She thinks I am saying that just to make her feel good (but the dish is really good!) But some other times I say the food is good when it is actually just alright-ok.

So my question is, is there a way to complement her and politely not let her down even when the dishes she made are not tasty?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-21 06:37 ID:Heaven

Well if you say her cooking is good every time, then she wont' believe you. So when they're okay, tell her they're okay.

3 Name: mc : 2006-10-21 07:02 ID:pZ8f8ool

And when it's really good, be specific. Say what you like about it more elaborately. My girlfriend finally started to believe me when I started doing that.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-21 14:34 ID:Heaven

Tell her they will always be good as long as they're made by her.

Girls will love that.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-21 21:10 ID:Heaven

>>4
doesn't understand the essence of the problem

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 01:15 ID:Heaven

protip: "compliment" and "complement" are rather different words. check it out!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 00:51 ID:oBcReVsQ

Here's my advice as a woman: People really vary about their sensitivity regarding their cooking--it's a real sore spot for some, and for others it's always a work-in-progress that can be improved. So, sometime NOT around dinnertime, I'd ask her: Hey, I really appreciate it when you cook for us. I was wondering, when you ask me what I think of dinner, if I think something is pretty good or all right but not incredibly awesome, should I just say so nicely? Should I offer suggestions? Should I just say 'It's delicious?' I want to be honest with you but I also don't want to hurt your feelings, so let me know."

If you're both mature and honest this should be OK. Sometimes I warn my partner "I don't feel good, and this took forever, so if you don't like it, just don't say anything and fix yourself something later." ;) Other times I say "Okay, this is an experiment; I've never made this recipe before, so let me know what you think and what I should do differently next time."

And occasionally I say "WELL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN YOU FIX DINNER!" heh. But generally we manage to avoid getting to that point. G

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 10:30 ID:Voh7rBQw

If you like the food, I'm with >>3. Be as specific as possible. The more attention you pay to the things you like, the better. There is always something that you like about it you can mention.

The praise must be genuine. Without practice, it can be hard to find things you are genuinely delighted by. So practice. Dig deep and find things you genuinely like.

If you're not so keen on the food, praise other things which are important to her. For example, it is important to my wife that she is doing a good job of taking care of her husband and generally being a 'good wife'. Any praise along those lines makes her really happy.

You wouldn't believe how long it took me to figure out that is what she cared about. It can take a while to figure out what drives people. Search for it chance you get.

I guess I'm saying there are no quick fixes. The more effort you put into making your relationship great, the easier you will find these kinds of situations.

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