A serious blow to my ego (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 07:29 ID:3hcRuOUN

Awhile back I worked up all my courage to ask this girl i work with for her number. Maybe it was the way I said it or something. She turned me down. She said she didn't know me well enough to give me her number. I understood that even though inside I felt like she threw a tree sized spear into my chest. And we did work pretty much on the same shift for 2 weeks. I was going be ok with it. Fast forward to this Sunday i find out that a fellow coworker got her number in one day of talking with her. And the next following day she gave him oral in his car. Now I'm feeling like that getting to know each other more excuse was pure bullshit. I want the time I spent getting all worked up about this chick back. I feel I should of been more direct like this guy was. But i dont have the confidence to do that after hearing all this

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 07:58 ID:pv4PSB/x

Uhmm...dude, d'oy?

First, when you asked her for her number, were you all nervous and sweaty. Did you simply go up and ask for her number, without any lead-up conversation? Did you project anything about yourself that said "confidence" when you did talk to her for those two weeks? Did you act smarmy (you know, arrogance and rudeness mixed with humor), or did you act like a nice guy?

You don't need to be confident to act confident, and you don't need pick-up lines, either. Just watch the guy and other guys like him, see how they put "the moves" on girls. Learn what they do, how they use the environment and people around them to their advantage. Learn the little power games they play. Then mimic them. Consider your first few tries practice, because it'll take a bit to learn the phrasing and body language. If you want, tape record yourself in front of a mirror and play it back. Did you look like those guys that get the girls? Did you sound like them?

Finally: Why would you want her? She gives blow jobs to guys she knows for two days, in fucking cars. I can tell right away from your opening post that this isn't the kind of girl you want, no matter how much you find her attractive.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 19:03 ID:RhfGIQ/I

Wow were you there? Except for the sweating and I don't think I was smarmy. That's pretty much what happen. I was about to leave to go home and my friends were saying that had to do it now or never. And I had the words to lead up to it in my head but all I could get out was can I get your number. So yeah you hit the nail on the head with that one. And you asked why would I want a girl like that? Honestly I didn't know she was the type to do that type of stuff. She seem like a decent girl. But I really cant tell anymore. Anyways thanks for your advice. You really put things in perspective.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 19:47 ID:pv4PSB/x

>>3

Learn how to be swarmy, even if it makes you wanna puke in your mouth. Girls your age respond to that far more than someone who is stable and nice.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 20:34 ID:C9I8BlXS

>>If you want, tape record yourself in front of a mirror and play it back. Did you look like those guys that get the girls? Did you sound like them?

Don't do this. Women are not aliens, they're people like everyone else. This is not a magoc trick, if you treat this like it's some big deal you'll freeze up and seem creepy or over the top. Just talk to them like you'd talk to a normal human being, you'll be fine as you don't seem visibly anxious or pathetic in asking.

I wouldn't worry about it though, she seems like a waste of time.

>>And the next following day she gave him oral in his car.

Run, don't walk away from this.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 21:28 ID:pv4PSB/x

>>5
The mirror thing can work if you approach the idea only to make yourself feel and sound more confident. If you approach the idea like you're practicing, then you will come off stilted and odd. But if you don't at least know how you look and sound, then you will anyways.

7 Name: 5 : 2006-11-30 06:37 ID:0ig+TW8s

>>6
Yeah, I suppose that's true but I worry that someone who's really shy will start to take the exercise too seriously, looking to use it as some sort of crutch to cover for their anxiety. If they start doing this exercise they might take it as a subconscious cue that this is some big deal and work themselves up too much.

With shy people like this, I think the best thing to do is just suck it up and try to remind oneself as hard as possible that women are just people like anyone else, that it's not really such a big deal.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-30 07:06 ID:RhfGIQ/I

Whoa I have done that in the past. I've gone through many friends advice to self help books to even R&B music. From all of this I am different then I was before. But it seems if things don't go way I want (like what happen with the girl)I always seem to revert back to the same way I always am. And then I go to the next thing that might help me. I guess I've just feel its its easier to cut and run then go through something that might be too hard to bare.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.