Sexual atraction (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 20:57 ID:/9BxUUKV

Lately I'm thinking of this person and...I dunno, I don't think I have feelings for him but I realy would like to sleep with him for some reason. It's the first time I actualy feel this way.
Anyone else having this problem at the moment?? What to do?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 21:26 ID:66XO0CEd

>>1
First, do you know him? If no, then back away. Bringing something like that up to a stranger/semi-stranger is always a bad idea.

So, let's assume you know the person you're thinking about. Are you aquaintences from school/work, or is he already a friend? It's easier if they're already your friend than if you just "know them".

Are you already in a relationship? Is he? If you answer yes to either one of these, then do not pass go, do not collect $200.

So, if thus far all indicators are Green, you know and trust him and he's a friend, you're both single, etc., then you're ready to go onto the next step.

How do YOU feel about sex without love? Are you the type who thinks sex should only be shared with someone you love, or are you the type who sees sex as more a psychological/biological need? What about him? do religious beliefs play any part in either of your decisions? If you did have sex with him, would either of you feel gulty about it afterwards? Do you both feel you can have sex without loving one another?

These aer hard enough questions to ask yourself, let alone someone else. There is an easy way though.

First, examine yourself. If you have sex with him, could it be "just sex"? No guilt, no worry, just two people having fun in one of the oldest ways possible? If you can answer yes to that, then go to the second step.

Second, buy condoms. Don't assume the guy has a few boxes at home. The LAST thing you want is finding out in the heat of the moment that he came unprepared.

Third, time it. If he's a good friend, then he won't think twice about being asked to hang out with you at your place, or inviting yourself over to his place, or meeting up someone on neutral ground. Just relax, have a bit of fun. Talk nonconsequentional topics. If you know each other from work, bring up something about your supervisor/manager. Gently lead the questions a little more personal (if you start here right away, he's gonna start getting odd vibes--it's all in manipulation). You know, something like "If you could change three things about yourself...", or "If you could have sex with one movie star...". Do NOT bring up marriage, children, where he sees himself in the future, etc!! Once he's comfortable talking abuot personal stuff, ask him right up, "How do you feel about the whole 'friends with benefits' thing?"

If you created a comfortable atmosphere then his antanea will go up, but he'll also answer honestly. If he says he's not into the whole idea, then back off. If he says he isn't sure, then proceed cautiously. Try to coax more information out of him if you can, because this could swing either direction, and just asking him "do you wanna find out?" could potentially kill whatever relationship you already have with him. If he answers he's into the idea, then push it.

Remember though: You are coming on to him. Do NOT expect he'll pick-up on your signals and understand right away what you're trying to do.

Most importantly though is this: Be safe and have FUN.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 22:31 ID:kxSgbPQ2

Hormones.

4 Name: OP : 2006-11-30 06:06 ID:mqBaztlG

>>2
He's a aquaintence of mine. Were not strangers but also not good friends. No specific religious beliefs or something.
Well I was in a relationship some while ago, well, wasn't that great.
The guy doesn't have a girlfriend. In fact he had an affair in the summer, with a girl who had a boyfriend. afterwards he regretd because he actualy liked that girl. I don't think he is into this "pure fun" thing anymore (which I fully understand).

>>Are you the type who thinks sex should only be shared with someone you love, or are you the type who sees sex as more a psychological/biological need?

It's weird, but I think it's both. I think it's important to love the person you're sleeping with, then again sex is a psycological/biological thing forwhich love isn't alway necessary.

>>3
I know that, it's hard to surpress hormones. Guess I can't fight against my body. This is so messed up, I don't want to feel like this at all. It's so irritating.

Yet I can't think of anything else and anyone else as him.....

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-30 06:18 ID:66XO0CEd

Well then, get him alone with you sometime, like going out for a bite to eat, and tell him straight-up. "Hey, I like you. I'm not interested in you, I don't want to date you, I don't want romance with you. Do you think you can handle no-strings attached sex with me. No, I'm not a whore, and I will not play out your fantasies. I just want a fucking good tome. You in?"

...Possibly TOO direct, but it would get the point across.

6 Name: OP : 2006-11-30 22:38 ID:3ZwDwa9Q

Is it realy fin just to say it like that?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-30 22:46 ID:9Ilzwt1a

>>6
It depends on the person. But you can get to the point without being overly blatant. Then again, some guys kind of dig that. I know I would. Of course you can give him unquestionable signals throughout the night about what you want to do, like being close to him and making sexual jokes. It shows what's on your mind.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-01 06:28 ID:QRzfkxne

>>7
But then some guys will laugh about it and not catch on.

If he's really stubborn, put your hand on his inner/upper thigh and squeeze. Or get close to his ear and whisper whatever you say. Or just kiss him.

If he's not stubborn and blind to innuendo, then talk sex, either jokingly or seriously...maybe both.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-01 10:28 ID:9y0mEJSa

In my experience, it is not necessary to even say anything about it, well until after. At that point when you are laying there together, you can decide where you want to take it or tell him to get the hell out of your bed. If there is no relationship or deep friendship, it is pretty easy because of the lack of emotion for one another.

10 Name: OP : 2006-12-01 20:38 ID:DkI3rDHp

Thx for the advices. I'll try to figure out a plan or something, for the next time I'll meet him.... though I'm kinda insecure, because I never did something like this .

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-02 07:27 ID:G7G/E6hm

Tell us how it goes. I'm kinda curious.

And good luck!

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