Breaking it off... (8)

1 Name: StarOnion : 2006-12-07 15:07 ID:TZxzgzj9

I've been involved with someone for a long time now and the relationship became pretty deep. We were completely in love with eachother, and I still love him . . . but the relationship is long distance. REALLY long distance.

I live in a place where good men are few and far between. I avoided socializing and had no interest in seeking or pursuing anyone here... and I stumbled upon the needle in the haystack. I've known him for a year now, and only recently confessed feelings for one another.

Now I have to find a way to break it off with the long distance guy, even though this might make him really, REALLY unstable.

I'm at a loss. I have a chance for a much happier, stabler life here, and I don't want to miss the boat. Am I doing the right thing?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-07 18:20 ID:Ea47snJo

Yes you are. Always ALWAYS do what is best for you and don't look back. He would do the same in your situation. Make it as painful as you can but do it.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-07 18:21 ID:Ea47snJo

painful->painless

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-08 09:18 ID:q+VgoKXu

It is long distance? If you stay with this far away guy, you will definitely miss the boat. I would say breaking up with the far away guy will be best for you. What happens when long distance guy finds another girl, and the guy you had has long gone because he is tired of waiting for you to break it off with the other guy.

5 Name: MG : 2006-12-08 09:30 ID:Heaven

Don't whine and give up so easily. If you give up it is just because you are being lazy. Work your ass off and go see him. The hardest relationships are the most fulfilling.

6 Name: StarOnion : 2006-12-08 19:29 ID:TZxzgzj9

I understand what you are saying and I have worked extremely hard to keep this relationship going and it has always been very fulfilling... but changing circumstances no longer allow us to see eachother as often.

It sounds selfish I know. But it will be YEARS before I could see anything more stable with my current. He's kind, and we've always been there for eachother, but having no emotional support living within 2000 miles is rough. . . and financially draining.

I would not even glance in the direction of another man ever since I came back here, but this is quite different and he is a truly special person.

Since my circumstances no longer allow me to travel so much, I feel like he should try to find a girl where he lives, too.

Wow. . . I'm coming off as whiney.

7 Name: Hanyuu : 2006-12-10 08:09 ID:Dj0qtCbk

Honestly... though I hate to say it, it is best that you break up with him. Long distance relationships really shouldn't get started. They usually end in trouble, so... break it up, tell him why, and say you're sorry. Please apologize to him. It really hurts when you don't want to break up, but know it's for the best...

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-15 17:04 ID:YdC+4BPK

Seconded. It's tough to do, but if I were put in your situation, I'd break up with him.

I understand great upset stemming from the ending of a relationship but you said he may become "unstable"? As in borderline? Irrational?

I was in a relationship with someone for quite a long time as well, almost strictly out of need of physical comfort. When I moved away and made the effort to visit the guy, I realized that the relationship was not entirely golden. I was no longer with the other guy, at that point, out of love but moreover out of custom-- I was used to him being around. A good friend of mine for quite a few years-- I've known him even longer than the guy I was dating-- ended up moving within one hundred miles of me and working within my company. Getting involved with him and breaking it off with the old guy was very satisfying.

Those that say a difficult relationship is the most fulfilling are completely inexperienced and wrong-- you shouldn't put yourself in a difficult situation to sustain something that doesn't really act as a comfort to you, as a relationship should.

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