Problem mentioned above. I never really thought I'd have a crush on teacher. Had some nice and good-looking female teachers before, but this one's special. I just can't get her out of my head, it's becoming quite frustrating as I don't know what should I do.
So basically I'm studying in high school and met this teacher like three years ago when school began. It was nothing then, just thought that something to "look at" when the classes are boring. First year passed. Then at the beginning of the second year, I dunno what struck me, but I'd say that I got a little bit "closer" with her. I mean like just talking in class (and greeting in corridors, looking deep into eyes, blah blah...), but it just felt somehow different. We get along well. I started to really work hard with the subject she's teaching, and actually got my grades up. It took many sleepless night to finish many projects, as I made everything as fine as I could. It's just great feeling when she says that whatever I produce is great and nice to read and all. Of course that's just the way teachers should encourage their students, but you get the point.
And quick forward to present. My last year in school is rushing to it's end. I've been thinking about confessing to her, but what I'm afraid is losing my face in front of her. There once was time when I tried to tell one girl that I'm interested about her and ask would she go out with me, but got rejected. I know I was few years younger than what I'm now, but it kinda scarred me about the topic for some time.
I'm quite shy (seems to be really often the case here), and very emotional. To tell the truth, if I was given a chance to fuck her, or take her out to dinner and whatever romantic, I'd choose the latter. Maybe I'm weird, and that's why it feels like I'm never accepted by anyone.
Okay, got little off the track. What I'm wondering now, is that should I do something about the situation, or just let it go? I don't know for sure if she's dating anyone atm, but at least she's not married. And then there's the age difference; she's bit over 30 and I'm just 18. Now this is starting to seem like Onegai Teacher (w/o the whole alien thing :) ), but would there even be a chance for anything with age difference like that? And of course I've been thinking that would woman that can take care of herself (as in financially), want to date a guy who's still studying?
There's so many questions, but so few answers :/
Still going, has somebody had same kind of situation, and done confessing? If yes, how did it go, and in what way you did it?
And lastly (yes, this will be last for now), would it be weird for me to ask "half-unknown" woman to have dinner with me?
Big thanks for anyone who took time to read my odd story, I appreciate it. And now I'm out.
that IS a situation..
most of the time girls don't like guys younger than them...
sorry.. that is a fact.. just ask a female friend of yours.
but in this age group you might have a chance.
"To tell the truth, if I was given a chance to fuck her, or take her out to dinner and whatever romantic, I'd choose the latter. Maybe I'm weird, and that's why it feels like I'm never accepted by anyone."
that's not weird.
I suppose you better ask her. if you don't try you will lose for sure. I think if she rejects you, she will not be angry or something like that. she will still respect you if she's the right one.
hope you can decide what to do.
You must tell her. You will always regret it if you do not. Confess to her now, as soon as you can. She will probably be surprised, but it may be a pleasant one!
You must tell her, for her sake and yours!
Yeah, ask her. I know it can be a hard thing to do, but you never get anything in life without taking chances. Nothing really bad can happen anyway. Getting turned down might be a blow to your dignity, but there's not much in life that doesn't put your dignity at risk.
But, um, don't get your hopes up too much. If you're seriously thinking of asking her, I can only assume you have some reason for thinking you have a chance. It's just that it's a little odd regardless, you know? It's not the kind of thing that happens often. Even if (going hypothetical here) she'd secretly liked you since she started teaching you, she would still be suprised to be asked.
Still, I highly recommend doing it no matter what you think of your chances, just so you can say you did. The way I look at it, doing things that a lot of people wouldn't even think about is a sure way to have an interesting life.
OP let me ask you this question, how many girls do you have as friends?
Now I am thinking that she is the only real female to ever show interest in you. She is nice and supportive of you and those are fine qualities of a woman. But she is also a teacher and that is her job. She is suppose to support your efforts to learn, that is her job. You are just not reading the situation right and her beauty is not helping. Hey, if she was just plain ugly I doubt we will be talking about it, and don't lie to me and say you will love her no matter how she looks. >>2->>4 They really don't know what they are talking about. Why step into a fire if you know you are going to get burned? You know what the outcome will be if you ask her out and it will NOT be in your favor. She goes to work with a certain professionalism that will not allow her to get involve romantically with a student or even an ex-student. I don't want to burst your bubble but you just have to live in reality. Try asking a girl from your grade out and see how it goes. Learn how to date before you get too old.
Dating someone from your agegroup IS the better option.
"To tell the truth, if I was given a chance to fuck her, or take her out to dinner and whatever romantic, I'd choose the latter. Maybe I'm weird, and that's why it feels like I'm never accepted by anyone."
I'd choose that too. But afterwards I definitely would like to let the situation evolve in some rounchy manga-like adventure!
What is the point of confessing to her? what kind of future do you see with her? None?
Alright, maybe some of the other people on here are sadistic, but I am not. Here is my advice.
FORGET ABOUT THIS. Looking through your post, I've noticed that for the most part, you have answered your own questions about the subject, and are looking for confirmation.
There is nothing good that could come of this. literally. Family and friends would ostracize you (unfortunately.) Your grades would immediately become suspect, you could endanger the career of the teacher, the teacher (if she's a good one) WILL reject you, hopefully nicely, possibly not - followed by even more feelings of rejection. If she's a bad teacher, she will accept your advances. In the long run, this CANNOT work out.
You're best bet is to try to move on. It will be hard, but try to realise the ways that this could affect both you and her, regardless of how she would answer. If this was someone from your group, I'd say go for it - embarassment only lasts for a little while if she doesn't like you that way.
Do yourself a favour, move on. You know this is what you need to do, you just needed someone to say it to you.
>>5
"OP let me ask you this question, how many girls do you have as friends?"
To tell the truth, not many. And those who are, are really just friends, nothing else.
"Hey, if she was just plain ugly I doubt we will be talking about it, and don't lie to me and say you will love her no matter how she looks"
You're right, her looks do matter, but would someone really date woman who's ugly as hell but really nice? I guess very few, if any. And let's not forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But what kind of effect would it really had to our current "relationship", if she'd reject me? Of course she wouldn't be able to forgot what I asked (at least when I'm still around, that is), but that would be just in our personal lifes, wouldn't it?
And what is wrong if teacher is dating an ex-student? In general I mean. If s/he would be dating someone who's currently studying and having good grades, that could be "connected", yes.
>>7
"Family and friends would ostracize you (unfortunately.)"
I see no reason for this. Of course I understand that if I would be dating a woman like ten years younger than my mom, people might be like "wtf dude? O_o", but I still see nothing wrong with it. It's quite popular for girls to date men older than them (maybe not in a scale of as much as ten to fifteen years, but still).
And about my group, there is now only one girl, and shes not really my type. And as I don't go out much and hang out in clubs, it's quite hard for me to get any contact with anyone. I don't feel that bar or other places like that are for me (I don't smoke but I do use alcohol, so it's not about that). Not using this as a reason to want to date my teacher, just wanted to tell before someone comes and tells me to go to a bar to look for a company.
>>1
If you say ANYTHING to her, it must wait until after you graduate or until after you turn 18, whichever comes LAST. Remember all those stories of female teachers being fired (and in some cases labeled as a sexual predator for the rest of their lives) because they had a relationship with a student?
>>9
I'm turning 19 in march, so not worries about that :)
And I'll be graduating next summer (or maybe next fall, as I'm having problems with few courses). I would not do anything to harm her. Which leads back to the point about the ways this whole thing could affect both of us. Such a squirrel wheel...
It doesn't matter if you're going to be 19. In fact, at least in the United States, you're considered "legal" in most states at 17. You're, first of all, putting this woman's career and lifestyle in danger. Is she married? Does she have a boyfriend? What would her family think? You seem to have little concern for her wellbeing and little knowledge of her personal situation.
Secondly, this woman is treating you and encouraging you in an entirely normal manner for a student-teacher relationship. You are just going to face rejection and embarrassment in the face of this woman if you pursue any sort of relationship with her. Part of being a good date is having the skills and empathy to recognize where you're wanted and to what degree. She has not made any sexual advances to you-- she clearly is unaware of your feelings and not seeking a relationship with you.
>>11
My age was just a reply for >>9's question.
-And no, she's not married.
-Having a boyfriend, I dunno. But how come that should mean that I should not ask her out for a dinner (not knowing, that is)?
-How would I know about her family? But basically it's the same thing with my family, right? Or if I was dating, say fourteen-year-old (tho that would be like, illegal? anyway).
I know little about her after all, that's for sure. But if you spot a girl in a bar and decide to approach her, what do you know about her? Nothing! So that's why you're going to get to know her better (if you're not there just for sex).
At least for me it seems that guys dating girls younger than them (not by year or two, but more!) is acceptable, but not dating older women? Now what's wrong with that?
You're generalizing, and those are different situations.
In however many years, that age difference wouldn't be a huge difference, but it is now. Her dating you would be borderline illegal. If you asked her out (regardless of how it turned uot) if someone heard about it, It would draw a connection between you, and people would suspect wrong doing on her part with your marks, pedo, etc. Even if you waited until after school, people can still make connections, regardless of whether they are false or not.
In regards to (getting to know someone better) in a bar setting - that is also different. One, you're forgetting the consequences both of you would encounter - which have been discussed. Two, that is a setting where people usually go to meet people.
Would you really expect that if you two madly declared your love for each other, that everyone will be fine with that? Think man. Men dating older women is okay - to a point. But Circumstances DO play a part in things. Sorry dude, thems the breaks. I don't know how many more times this board has to tell you this is a bad idea.
I don't know how else to say things to you?
>>13
Right on. In >>11 I thought I put it as clearly as I possibly could but if that's not getting through to him, I don't know what will.
It's a strange dichotomy-- OP says he cares for her and would never hurt her, but his proposed behavior puts her job, her reputation, her livelihood at risk.
Considering the way OP asks our advice and then summarily tries to refute every bit of it, I highly doubt he's going to listen, however bad of an idea we deem it, in pursuit of boyish lust.
Sad thing.
>>11,14
Yeah, i thought you said it pretty well, too, but thought I should add in some more to drive it home. Halfway through writing it I was like, "I now this kid's not stupid, but why is this so difficult to realise?" We've said all that really needs to be said, I think.
Dood, We're not going to tell you it's okay to ask out your teacher, because it's a very foolish thing to do. If there's nobody else at school you like, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait for university, or whatever.
I'd still like to know what he decides to do, though. I'm kind of a voyeur that way.
Seconded. Trainwreck syndrome? For sure.
>>13
I know I should stop this discussion to this, but why are you drawing pedophilia in it? It has nothing to do with this when it's about two adults (legally, guess I'm not mentally adult...).
And no, if you somehow got it like we're madly in love with each other, you got it all wrong. Originally it was about should I make a move. I have no idea about her feelings.
There is always people who oppose something. Be it relationships or forest cutting or anything, you can't make everyone happy.
>>14
I understood you. In your opinion I should call it quits, and go for a journey to find girl more near my age group. I agree with you that it might be a little bit easier.
But her job seems to be the problem here, huh? If she would be kindergarten teacher, it would be fine an all, 'cos I would not be there?
And I'm sorry if I write everything as I would refuse all you say to me. It just happens to be my nature to question everything by "why-not"s. I admit I sometimes get attracted quite easily, and that it usually becomes only a burden. Maybe it's like that also in here T_T
If she were a kindergarten teacher then yes, I think it would be significantly more acceptable. ...Then again, people COULD suspect that if she dated a teenager, she also could be interested in younger children, once again putting her job at risk. If you were to date a teacher at a school you were attending, not only would it put her at peril for having relations with a student, but it would also put into question the credibility of the school and her grading, hitting her from both directions.
As you speak of a "journey" to find some other girl, you strike me as just eager to be in a relationship, regardless of who he or she may be. And, in my opinion, that's not the way to build any sort of functional, long-lasting relationship. At all.
sorry I think you were just misunderstanding what I said. I mentioned pedo because that's what people would assume. you may be legal or close to being a legal adult, but you're not mentally, and outsiders would jump to the "pedo" conclusion.
No, i don't think you two are madly in love, but I was just using it as an example (read: what if) although probably a poor one.
Questioning things is not bad, but your judgement seems to be impaired - we're not trying to rag on you, we're trying to help. We're not trying to tell you that you're sick or evil - we're telling you what will happen if you persue this. Teachers have always been a touchy subject with people, and for a good reason.
NO! MUST STOP REPLYING IN THIS THREAD!
My teacher got married to one of his ex-students, though this was like 40 years ago... I can only assume they were dating during the time where the girl was a student.
wow i just found this randomly but i'm in a situation not very much different from yours (the only major difference is that my teacher is a guy hahah) but i'm 17 and he's 37 so yeah, big age difference. i think he has taken a slight interest in me (even thought he's married) just by the ways he acts and things he does for me but i know it would never work. i've thought of confessing, but since he's married and all, it wouldn't benefit either of us and practically no good could come out of it. if your teacher isn't married and you believe she does have feelings for you, i would encourage you to confess. but maybe you should wait until you graduate so it won't make things awkward during the school year in case she happens to reject you. good luck!! :)
He just wants to fuck you. No seriously, he probably never has sex with his wife anymore so he wants to move on to a nice teenage girl. One of my high school teachers would always have sex with one of the female students every year. I wouldn't imagine he is any different. He is just a sick old man who wants to get his.
OP here. I have not done anything to direction or other, just noticed that there really is someone with same kind of situation. But sadly I agree with >>22 about Brittany and her teacher. Male in his 40's might be more into just sex than any relationship. Not denying the fact that same could as well go with older women, but I guess it's more common with men to want someone younger than them (sex or otherwise). And his marriage is not going to make the thing easier (oh well, here I'm writing like the exact opposite of my first message situation :) ). Not that there's not exceptions, maybe I'm just stereotyping too much.
And about what have I come up with, maybe I should ask her just out to theater or something. So if she refuses, I would not lose my face the same way I would with just telling her straight away how I feel, right? It's winter vacation now, so some time to come up with a 'plan', but this is what I think is better approach.
First of all any 'plan' that is created for the pusuit of a girl will fail. Second of all, why are you still trying? I thought we told you to give up. But hey if you want to, go ahead, I could use a good chuckle.
I used to be a teacher, and i freely admit, given the chance, I would have done something ethically and morally reprehensible.
Men will be men!
Kevin Costner dates much younger women, as too, does Tom Cruise and Michael Douglas.
Middle aged and elderly women, don't come up to par!
My dad used to have a crush on his art teacher.
he doesn't act like he wants sex, i don't know. i'm probably just another naive teenage girl who thinks he has actually taken an interest in "me" and just doesn't like me because i'm young, what i look like, etc. it sucks 'cause i really like him and i've done everything i can to make myself disklike him but it doesn't work. my sister likes him too which is really weird
front row guy- if you truly believe there is a connection, maybe you should wait until you graduate to ask her to the movies or something. doing that kind of stuff during the school year is risky
Charlie Chaplin, Errol Flynn, Howard Hughs, and Roman Polansky are all famous for, besides being in the film business, being in relationships with younger people.
It's natural.
If ur going to do something, however, think of all the possible consequences, for both u and ur teacher.
If u both, are willing to handle the consequences, go for it.
Juan Peron, ex-President of Argentina, also had relations with underage people after his famous wife (Eva-remember the movie starring Madonna)died.
They were not teachers. The relationship between a teacher and student is far different between an older man and young girl.
Society expects for a teacher to take care of its children, teach them and protect them. Students are not capable of making decisions on their own and it is a teacher's job to make sure they can. Until they graduate they are not fully functioning citizens of the community. Any mistakes that should occur it will happen under the watch of a teacher to make sure nothing bad happens.
Now if a teacher should get involve with a student, this violates that trust between parent/society and the teacher. The teacher took advantage of his or her position. A student can fully argue that he or she did not know better because the teacher allowed it to happen. They are guardians and they are expected to protect you. And then they harm you, they who is there left to trust? If an older, wiser guardian/mentor can do it, then anyone can.
I really can't describe the morality of it, but there is a reason why student-teacher relationships are far more taboo than older-younger relationships.