Hey 4-ch, I'm in need of some quick advice and encouragement. I am in love with this girl who I am currently good friends with. She's from China, and we are both studying Japanese together at University. She is the most amazing person I have met in my life and we get along great as friends. I've, up until now, have been extremely afraid to tell her my true feelings because I was afraid it might hurt our good friendship. I invited her to have dinner with me next thursday at a very expensive restaurant and told her I would be treating her. I'm not made of money, I just have a bit saved in my bank from previous jobs but I really want to go all out for her especially since the school year is coming to an end. I want to tell her, at dinner, how I truly feel about her but I'm not sure how I should come out with it. I'm thinking something like this but could you all tell me what you think? "---------, There's something I've been wanting to tell you but I was afraid that it might hurt our frienship.. but I need to do it, otherwise I will never forgive myself. -------, I love you."
Thanks
ahh, I screwed up the thread title... i meant "Telling this girl that I love her". now it just looks silly..
umm...
I can't quite put my finger on this but it just seems so over the top and cliched that I'm rather skeptical of this approach.
oops, didn't mean to sage
Your approach is almost perfect, but you might want to change it to: "---------, There's something I've been wanting to tell you but I was afraid that it might hurt our friendship...but I need to do it, otherwise I will never forgive myself. -------, I lover you."
For the lulz, you know.
But seriously, go for it. Some people might tell you that saying "I love you" is coming on a bit strong and that you should just ask her out first, but to hell with them.
yeah (OP here), I don't know. Maybe saying that is a little too much. I really have no experience with girls and doing this kind of thing. I want to tell her how I feel but I really don't want to screw up what we have together as friends. Are there other things I can do maybe to send this message without just saying it verbatim?
Eh... I'm one of those people who think "I love you" comes out too strong. I made the mistake of using that on the first girl I ever confessed to and she was like: "I like you too... but love? I think you're confusing love with infatuation." or something like that. I can't recall it perfectly. I guess there are people who think it's impossible to love with someone unless you know every little detail about them. Go for it, but I suggest not using such strong words.
If she rejects you, I think she would probably say "I hope we can stay friends" anyway, so I never worry about the hurting friendship part. <-- Girls, tell me if I'm wrong there.
I want to know what happens. GOOD LUCK!
a) "I love you"
b) "I think I'm infatuated with you but I want to check first to see if it might be love."
c) put it in
I don't know. The main thing, i guess, is that i've had a very bad experience with this kind of situation before. Where I fell in love with a friend and when they found out they got really annoyed. Though I know when I look back on this experience it was the way I presented myself to this girl that screwed up our friendship. I'm definately trying my best right now not to do that again.
Let me tell you all a little more about myself. I am a very shy person around new people and it takes awhile for me to get to know someone before I feel comfortable around them completely. Most of the time the other person has to open up to me first before I am able to open up to them. But that being said I do do a lot of things. And I like to hang out with my friends and do things like skiing, karaoke, dinner, etc. And I do these things somewhat often. But I also spend alot of time doing nothing, such as on the computer. I am very lazy also when it comes to school work (especially since it is the end of the school year) and am constantly stressed out with getting end of the year papers done and also final exams.
Well here's a little update. We finished a study group session earlier today, two other people besides her were also there. When we finished the other two left and it was just me and her. For a little while she talked on the phone in Chinese with some people and then when she got done we were able to get into talking about her and her life in china, stuff like that. The reason she was still around at the time was because she had a bus to catch at a certain time. I asked her if I could walk her to the bus station (which was some blocks away, and it was pretty dark out in the city). She said sure and we left a little bit later. Throughout the time we walked we talked about other things in her life and I always tried to say things that were encouraging to her and always said them with a smile. And she would return the smile many times and that just gave me more energy to go on.. So once we got to the station we waited a little while until the bus got there. Still talking about stuff. She did most of the talking but I kept it going always asking questions and providing insight. I really enjoyed this time with her and I just want more of it. When I'm alone talking with this girl I feel my inhibitions just fade away. When she smiles at me I feel so great.
I'm hoping I dinner can go just as well. I'm kind of having second thoughts about just telling her straight out that "I love you". I personally think thats too much for me, I really want to take my time but I know that time is running out. If anyone could give me any further advice after reading this, I appreciate it. If you would like to know more about me and her please ask. Sorry for such a long post -_-.
Nononoononono.
By going all out, you'll only pressure her and put her on the spot if she doesn't return the feelings you have for her.
Oh, and is she an overseas student? Overseas girls tend to appear ultra friendly and smiley on the outside, but if you knew some of the stuff they say in their own language...it's like a totally different person altogether. Just make sure you're not over analysing non-existent signals.
Your approach sounds like a do or die approach to me. If it doesn't work out, get prepared for a lot of awkwardness between the two of you.
Saying I love you is over-the-top in a way but it's really on how you use the word. But it's not just a word, it's a feeling.
How bout, "I've known you for about so and so months/years now and from then I've kinda had this thought in my mind. Since the school year's almost over I might as well just let it out. I don't know what it is but it attracts me to you. So I'll say this, I'm head over heels for you. There's not one moment I can remember us being happy together. I know this might ruin our relationship but please give me a chance. I love you"
does she have a boyfriend?
Most of chinese girls I know are only into chinese people. It is true that I've met some exceptions but you better find out soon.
Anyway, it is better to regret something you did than something you didn't.
firstly what is the girl like? like her personality and stuff. cos i've met girls who were good/close friends with me and i thought something was going on but it turned out differently. i'm very simliar to you and i find it hard to start conversations but you should try and start conversations with her instead of her starting the conversation. one thing i know is that girls tend to like guys who are more out going, so try you best not to be shy around her and have confidence! confidence is the key! give us an update please and GOODLUCK! =D
btw how long have you known her? also be prepared to be rejected (not saying shes gonna do it but its good to be prepared) cos trust me, getting rejected is painfull ._____.
as far as I know she doesn't have a boyfriend. but i guess if she really wanted one though it wouldn't be hard for her. she'd told me before that she was still looking for the right guy.
she's nice, energetic, and quite sociable with most people. and quite frankly i'm not so much of those things aside from nice i guess. I'm trying to be more though, she really has been a motivation for me to improve myself and become a better person. I kind of fear that I am just not ready for someone like her yet, that I still need to do alot of improving before I deserve her. So i'm kinda afraid that if I do this before i really think i'm ready I will lose any chance with her ever...
I've known her for at least 6 months or so, i'm prepared to be rejected, i know how it feels it wouldn't be the first time. but its a pain that seems to increase exponentially every time it happens.
> she'd told me before that she was still looking for the right guy.
This is probably a very bad sign for you.
But, it's good that you're trying to improve yourself. Keep at it, but just remember that you may never reach a point that you think lets you "deserve her." It's more important to have confidence in yourself; realize that you may need to change your mindset about yourself.
well dinner was planned for tonight. I accidentally wrote Thursday above. i get a wonderful text message at like 5am in the morning from her that wakes me up. She told me she stayed up too late and wasn't going to come into school. So no dinner. She said lets make it another day but I'm not satisfied with that. I know she was up late enjoying herself. I offered to treat her to dinner at a very nice place and she has the nerve to tell me "let's make it another day." I was ready tonight, and really there are no other days that work well with me at all. I text messaged her back letter her know how i felt about it, and I told her I obviously made a mistake. haven't heard from her since.
whatever i guess I really did make a mistake. I still like her but i don't feel any drive to do anything for her anymore unless she does something to make up for it.
>>16
What makes you think you made a mistake? The only mistake I see is chasing someone you knew would reject you, but it's always worth a try, and you can't really call that a mistake. But now it's quite blindingly obvious that she's not interested in you. This will sound harsh, but you should just move on. There's no chance of this working out.
Bump!
>>16
She was wrong for standing you up.
But it sounds like you are rejecting her, before she gets to reject you. "I obviously made a mistake.."? Oh, please.
NOOOOOOOO Saying I love you will totally scare her off !!! you dont want her to think that you're a fruitloop
Women who can't take the heat aren't worth cookin'
>If she rejects you, I think she would probably say "I hope we can stay friends" anyway, so I never worry about the hurting friendship part.
This never works for me, though I wish it would. It's just too awkward to try to be friends after rejection. Girls run away after they find out I was really interested in them in a romantic way.
>>1, don't say "i love you" to her. gives her that, howdya say, "burden" knowing that someone loves her. i personally think that it is the womens job to say "i love you" to you. just "ask her out for coffee" or "hang out". yeah. thats what i think...
LOL pwnt
obviously she's flaking off @ the last minute ... why treat the girl to a dinner? Doing that works against you man, but saying you will treat her this time and she the next time might make it sound better. And confession doesnt work, it's like telling the girl that you dont think she will like you so you try to tell her how you feel hoping she might take pity on you and like you back .... seriously, go read some stuff by David DeAngelo or something. I'm not trying to promote his stuff but what he says really make sense.
>>23 it's the guy's job to say it the first time but "I love you" is a very strong sentences.. my boyfriend and i were already 2 month together till we said this special sentences because we take love serious. anyway, why don't you simply hint with things like "you are special, i like you very much".. that's fine for the begin :)
I love moses!!
m-'.'-m <--- Moses
most of the time, when you post here you are insure about that it WILL work out. and that instinct is sadly.. often right.
change your attitude, be more postive about yourself. :-)
just give her a nice time. and if I were you I wouldn't tell her while dining. it's often crowded, and you should tell her that when you 2 are really alone. avoid any scene's.
good luck OP
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove moses.
dont tell her "at dinner". tell her just before u say good bye to her
tell her "at dinner". don't tell her just before u say good bye to her
This is OP. I pretty much said f-you to that girl, and gave up on her. She really was a terrible choice. Looking back I don't really see what I liked about her. Don't care. I found a girl, also from China coincidently, and she is both more amazing and better looking that the other girl. Life couldn't be better for me. Moral of the story: if a girl you have a crush on gives you shit, move on and look for someone better, someone who actually appreciates you for who you are. And win.
there is a girl I like, we talk some times,many time i tried to tell her how i feel about her but i couldn't ,some times i feel like she just dont have any feelings .