How to break up after saying "I Love You" every night. (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 11:35 ID:NkDqoawf

I don't know if I want to break up with my boyfriend but I'm really fed up with him. I only want to stay because without him I'd be lonely. I like his friends, and I'm insecure so I don't think I'll find anybody else.

It's a long distance relationship but we see each other about once a month.

We say "I love you" every night on the phone before we go to bed but it's monotonous now and I don't really mean it lately...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 11:46 ID:Heaven

Troll somewhere else. This board needs less trolls.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 13:15 ID:7JaFoNCm

As someone who said "I love you" on the phone, and realized when it became monotonous, I don't think this is a trolling post...

On the other hand, you leave many things unexplained in your post... Why are you "really fed up with him"? Why is it monotonous now...

The insecurity & feeling like you won't find anyone else is an understandable feeling, but before breaking up with someone and trying to come up with ways to do it, you need to examine exactly why things have become monotonous, or why you're fed up with him... If things are that bad between you, breaking up should be easy... If not, then the specifics of whatever your problems are would help you in determining the proper way to get out of it and break...

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 00:35 ID:XqfyEhWu

Not a troll. He's a huge asshole to everybody I know except me and last night when he got depressed he lashed out at me, too. I just don't want to put up with any of his garbage anymore. He says stuff like "I'll change if you want" but it would make me happier if he saw on his own that being a jerkoff to people isn't a cool thing to do.

I used to like him when I met him a lot more, when he wasn't as depressed and we joked around and actually talked about things we were interested in. Now I have trouble just starting a conversation because he's apathetic or doesn't attempt to talk back when I'm talking to him about my day, etc.

I turned saying "I love you" from an affectionate phrase to one I said to comfort him in his blues when I didn't know what else to say.

He insults me because I'm bad at talking to him about his problems and I don't know what to say to make him feel better. And when I try, he insults me again.

I'm not this guy's psychiatrist and I can't be. We had fun, but I don't see much of a future with him and whenever he gets upset it drags me way down since I don't know how to deal with it.

Maybe I'm just taking the easy way out?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 02:59 ID:2UXmSwRx

>>4

Nah, you shouldn't have to put up with someone insulting you. You don't have to take it especially if he acts like he doesn't care (and obviously you might feel the same).

The phrase "I love you" has different meanings to different people. Some people can love you for what you do to them or they can love you for what they are/represent. I've always been very hesitant about seriously using "I love you" because it's such a profound and revealing statement. To overuse it seems pretty lame.

It's also not your responsibility to take care of this guy if he doesn't care for you. You don't have to be obligated towards him and if you do anything you should do it cause you want to. It also sounds like you might be emotionally attached to this guy (whatever he feels you feel an effect of it perhaps?). You two should assess how much you care about each other and go from there.

As for you reasons of being lonely and insecure...well that's pretty fail so whatever.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 17:40 ID:7JaFoNCm

OP, it sounds like you already justified it yourself... You're obviously better than that!

And as far as how to break up, I think your quotes about how he insults you, you're not his psychiatrist, and can't be, and how while you had fun, you don't see a future with him as he drags you down all the time says it all...

You basically just said the perfect words to use during breaking up with him, really, as the best words come from how you feel, and aren't thought out;

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 17:53 ID:3sY9m9LF

He sounds deeply unhappy, which is unfortunate, but that's no excuse for being cruel, and not a good reason for you to feel obligated to stay. Guilt is a terrible substitute for love, and will make you both unhappier in the end.

Tell him what you told this thread. You're sorry, but you can't give him what he needs, and continue to be treated badly for your efforts. Encourage him to seek out assistance from someone who's supposed to provide that sort of thing (like a real psychiatrist).

To quote Dan Savage, DTMFA.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-05 12:50 ID:9+/poTin

i can't believe you've even tolerated this for as long as you have. get rid of this asshole, you deserve a hell of a lot better. you will do better in the future.

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