I'll give you a tip that is kind of useful:

When you're discussing this sort of things with anyone start with the word "I":

>I've been thinking that lately we don't spend that much quality time due to lack of communication....

Instead of the word "you":

>You don't listen to what I say and behave like a child, remeber when you did X or Y thing....

This might sound silly but when you start with "you" people tend to feel attacked. Let her know what you believe is the root of the problem (your fucked up families) and both of you need to apologize. Pride is useless in a relationship so be a better person and look for her to let her know you're willing to talk.