girls having guy friends. (22)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 14:37 ID:DYVvAovk

this topic is aimed towards boyfriends. what do you think about your girlfriend having guy friends? this is an issue that will come up in nearly every relationship at some point.

i know as a guy, we would prefer to have our girl not having any guy friends at all, but we know that's not possible but secretly we wish it was so. that's because as a guy we know how we are. guys only hang around women because they want something, which most of the time, is either a relationship or they want to fuck her. the moment you and your girl have an argument or a disagreement, she's either going to go to him for comfort/and or he will try to take advantage of that and one thing will lead to another and bam. you're screwed. that's not how it is all the time, but that's how it is most of the time.

as to answer the question, i tolerate girls having guy friends but as long as it's strictly friendship. i put my foot down when i feel i need to. for example, talking and hanging out with him occasionally is fine, but if it's a daily thing then it's not fine. under no circumstance do you go to this guy's place to hang out, how would you feel if i went to another chick's house and it was just us? regardless of trust, we all know that sitting on the couch watching a movie with the opposite sex, alone, is most likely to lead from one thing to another. like i said when i feel i need to put my foot down, i do. im not going to share you with another guy. and if you are willing to sacrifice what we have to hang out with him then we're not going to be together very long.

that's just how i feel about the issue. but dont think it's one-sided. i expect the same behavior from myself as i do from her. i feel that simply put if you still want to do things like that you shouldn't be in a relationship yet but instead just date because once you make a commitment you can't have both. but that's just what i think. what do you think?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 15:01 ID:t7k1PnLv

Honestly, it doesn't bother me one bit. I wouldn't mind my girlfriend hanging out with some guy friends. If she were going to his house everyday it would get kind of intresting. I'd like to test how trustable she is. But I'd never deliberately set something like that up.

However it's an intresting thought. But to give a clear answer, no. It doesn't bother me, if it were happening I'd find a way to exploit the situation.

Not because I don't have an backbone and would like my girlfriend to cheat on me. I think if she's going to cheat on me, she might as well do it now, rather than...let's say 5 years into a marraige.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 16:18 ID:flaEXiPq

It would bother me, but I probably wouldn't say anything about it unless it was them spending loads of time alone constantly.

I don't really agree that sitting on a couch watching a movie is going to lead to anything. Well ok I suppose i can see the girl cuddling up to the guy, but they're not going to start having hardcore super sex. I think the problem is that I (and other guys) view girls as being a sort of helpless being and that if she's with another guy and he starts flirting that she is going to just forget about her relationship and suck him off. In reality, if she cares for the relationship she won't do anything like that - no matter how tempted. The exception is, of course, when alcohol is involved. But even then, the girl should have enough sense to know she shouldn't get so wasted she'll do something stupid.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 16:44 ID:VzPt6PAI

>>3

the OP here and you're right about me viewing girls as some helpless being. i never thought about it that way. if the relationship really did mean something to them they would resist temptation. but i'm saying why even put yourself in that situation? i don't mind them hanging out with guys in group but why alone? that just make things ackward.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 17:51 ID:t7k1PnLv

Number 2 here.

I don't see why people care about stuff like this, I see it as a win-win situation, it's a chance to find out what a person is really made of.

If she's hanging out with a guy and manages resist fucking around with him, you'll know the relationship means something to her. If she cheats on you, you'll know she's untrustworthy and you'll have a reason to get rid of her.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 18:06 ID:flaEXiPq

>>3 here

>>5
But then there's the fear that something could happen and she doesn't say anything about it. I understand what you're saying about it being a test but I can't turn off my jealously (Or whatever it is) that makes me suspicious that something could happen. It doesn't affect me so much that I have to say to her "Look, can you not spend so much time alone with X" but it's more of a niggling doubt in the back of my mind. It could just be that I've not yet found a girl I trust 110%.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 18:20 ID:7uG6Y0Tx

>>5
It's not a good test if you can't confirm if it's true. Sure you can believe your girlfriend, but only girlfriends that are idiots or want to break up would ever admit it.

I have a limit to guy friends.
If she's calling him up everyday, hell no, thats gotta stop. I don't mind the occasional chat, but everyday is a damn limit. I don't want to know that you too talk everyday for about an hour. Thats not right.

Now, I'm perfectly ok with a guy friend on two occasions.

  1. He's gay, I don't feel like I have to compete with a gay man.
  2. He's related to her. I have nothing to worry from in that case. unless she doesn't care about relations.

I mean, I wouldn't have lady friends calling me everyday talking to me for an hour. That would just seem disrespectful, So I expect the same treatment from her.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 19:34 ID:t7k1PnLv

Number 2 again.

While it's true that it cannot be confirmed, but eventually it will come out. Take the saying "Love is blind, but the neighbours aren't." for example.

Sooner or later they're going to get caught, if not by you then someone else.

You can actually perform the test with immediate results but that requires cooperation from the other male and it's rather unrealistic.

Sorry to get side tracked but I'd like to ask a question without starting a new thread. Let's say your girlfriend or boyfriend was talking to a member of their opposite sex everyday. Would you like to know about it and would you care?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-25 20:06 ID:j2hyAZnG

Ok, so, I had a relationship with another guy for 5 months. Yes, I'm a guy. I started crushing on him, and we were best friends, and then I asked him out and we started dating. It was both our first time dating another guy. Usually I date girls, I'm bi. So whatever.

That was back in December, and we dated until May. We just could not stop fighting about stuff. It was just really stressful. I would be too emotional, and say something out of jealousy, then he'd be pissed and not want to talk/see me. And it just got to a point that he wanted to be just best friends again.

You'd think that would solve most of our issues, but it didn't. I thought it was bad originally, but we just snowballed down hill. We were off and on ignoring each other, both hurt and mad for various reasons. Then we both went both traveled to the US, and ended up being only like two hours apart. Before we left the other country though, we made up and stuff. We were on good terms.

So after a month of not having the internet, he finally gets back on MSN and starts talking to me, and says he already got a date for a dance at his school. He should have KNOWN better than to mention dating. So I shot back with "Is it a guy or a girl" and he's like "what are you talking about?" blah blah blah. And then he tells me he doesn't want to get together to go to the mall like we were planning and shit.

HOW DO I GET ON GOOD FUCKING TERMS? Like, I love him. Completely and totally. I want to win him back, but I don't know how the fuck to bridge the chasm between us. And I can't just apologize, because that's what I always do. I have to apologize profusely to get him to talk to me, and it basically means nothing anymore.

So it's reduced me to getting help from anonymous people on the internet.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-02 12:58 ID:Heaven

>>9
fag

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-02 13:01 ID:d0Y4fzIg

i don't care about my girl having guy friends. the more and more varied friends she has, the better, in my mind at least. less work for me. but i guess i'm not like a lot of people here... compared to the rest of the world, i have low self-esteem, but to you guys i must be a confident motherfucker. if my girl cheats on me due to hanging out with other guys, so be it- she's weak, and she'll be replaced. life goes on.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-03 18:54 ID:e8ECZhPh

My girlfriend got a male friend too, and our relationship is slowly breaking cause of it.
He loves her and is trying to make us break with each other. They are phoning quite often and are talking for hours. He's always telling her that he loves her, thats what i know for sure. So they are like flirting everytime i guess. Also he is allways telling her shit about me and laughing me out, telling her what asshole i am and how much better they would fit to each other. I told her many times that this whole thing fucking disturbs me, but it seems that she dont give a shit about it. She says that i shouldnt worry about it and that nothing will happen between them, and i shouldnt be jealous. I was trying to ignore it, but its happening again and again. Today we had a huge argument again, and we are about to break, just cause of that tard. Well, thats what he always wanted, making us break, and i think he almost reached his goal. Wtf am i supposed to do? She can't even understand how i feel and what my problem is. But i think every other guy would feel same in my case. How would you act?

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-03 21:39 ID:X9facF31

>>12

She's too stupid to be with you. You deserve someone else much better. Threaten her that this must stop or you will leave her, and she would prove herself if she's good enough for you. If not, then good riddance.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-03 22:00 ID:7uG6Y0Tx

>>12
Sucks. According to the ladder theory, He, the male friend, should be on the friend ladder. And you'd have nothing to worry.

But he's been disrespecting you all this way, which may mean he's in serious competition.

Thats bad.

I'm not really sure If I can give you the best advice. I hate this method myself but it may be necessary.

Stop caring about the friend. Talk to some girls. Get a good friend thats a girl. Don't do this to spite your girlfriend. She can tell its that and then the effect is useless. This isn't easy to pull off though. So I suggest against it unless you are confident you can pull it off without seeming spiteful toward her.

This is to let her know that you have options. (And to let her feel what bugs you. But this is actually a minor thing compared with the 'options' plan)

Another plan, is to just stand your ground and not waver. That her "friend" annoys you and insults you every chance he gets.

If she picks her friend over you, she was gonna dump you anyway, it just would have took alot longer and happen after 20 fucking arguements over it. Just don't take bullshit and you should be at your best.

Sadly, I'm not very coherent today since I haven't had a good sleep today. hope it helps though.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-03 23:01 ID:RI5MVFrZ

You may not know that but the guy could become a problem, leave her ASAP. They are alot of fish in sea.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 06:57 ID:NbtUzXM4

>>12

Not only is this guy disrespecting you, so is your girl. It doesn't matter if nothing is happening between them or ever even could; she sounds like a bitch for going along with it.

If I were in your situation, I would break up with her.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 12:38 ID:gKaxUWMf

Just wondering...

Is the fact that you can't trust your girlfriend?
Or that you can't trust other guys?

18 Name: 12 : 2007-10-04 17:51 ID:XHul0aVv

We are together for 1 year now, i love her, and i know that she loves me too. I just cant understand why is she acting like that.
I will talk with her for one last time about it. If nothing will happen i'll break with her. Kinda sad that its all ending like that...

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 19:16 ID:m10vq4Km

>>17 this links back to what I said in >>3 re: seeing girls as the helpless party in the affair.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 20:18 ID:7uG6Y0Tx

Well, it could help your decision if you answer this:
Does she defend you when that friend of her's talks about you badly?

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 23:11 ID:87cXH4Sl

Sounds like your gf is keeping her options open.
Dump her.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-04 23:17 ID:xhlHtF1X

12, honestly, you need to tell her. It's either him or you. Like >>16 said, not only is the guy disrespecting you, so is the girl. I've been through something similar to this and in my case, I made it clear to her that this wasn't acceptable. This is where you need to man up. You have another guy calling your girl, dissing you, telling her that he loves her, and to top it all off your girl is going along with it. My case wasn't as extreme as this, but if it was, I would have told her to fuck off because from what you've told me, it's bothering you and she doesn't give a shit.

Now I apologize in advance for my language, but you need to get it through your fucking head that you do not need to put up with this shit. You need to be a man and not stand for this shit. Don't ignore it, this is an issue that needs to be resolved RIGHT NOW. I don't care what you have to do, get in contact with her immediately and deal with this shit. I don't care if it's 2AM in the morning.

I know this issue is stressing you out. It has to be. But don't let it go on any longer. Resolve this shit RIGHT NOW. It's either you or him. A simple question and a simple answer. If she values him over you, there's your answer right there. Break the it off. Tell her to hit the road. I know it's not easy to break up especially when you have been together with someone so long, but that's not a relationship you need to be in, buddy.

There are too many fish in the sea. Cliched I know, but it's true. It's damn true. You don't have to put up with this because I sure as hell wouldn't. And I don't know anyone else that would.

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