I have had a very steady relationship for about two years now, and nothing has really come between myself (female) and my boyfriend (except for some religious issues). About halfway into our relationship, I came out of the closet as a bisexual after a long period of denial. My boyfriend was OK with that. I still am uncomfortable with having sexual attractions to females, though.
But recently, I have been thinking about how I feel about both men and women throughout my life. I thought about how basically all my life I have been friends with guys, and that I forget that I am a girl a lot when I am hanging out with my friends (until they're drunk). I don't think the bisexuality has anything to do with it, but I have come to the conclusion that I feel like a gay man in a woman's body.
I have certain hobbies like writing, cosmetology, and painting, and I feel guilty when doing them. I feel that they aren't fit to me. If I was a homosexual male, my passion for them would probably bloom out more. I don't really know how to explain this very well, it's a strange feeling. I mean, all my life, through high school and stuff, I just have felt as if I never fit in, or was different, even though I had tons of friends and went out a lot. I just always felt different. I think this is what I was feeling, wanting to get a sex change.
Well, TL;DR version, how can I explain to my boyfriend that I want a sex change? And if you were in his position, what would you do? I'm really frustrated about this. Should I tell my parents as well?
I believe you should let them know depending on how serious you are about it. Are you actually planning to save money and pay the surgery or take a hormonal treatment?
if you were my gf i would definitely convince you to have a threesome (mff)
From your post it's difficult to assay how far are you in your gender change path,...
If basically you have done nothing except thinking about it, I believe the best is to start reading some books about people who went through the same thing. This will show you which mistakes to avoid, but also help you in better formulating your feelings and needs.
It might also help to meet or contact people with experience in those issues (via the net or in your own town).
I think you are mature enough to do that exploratory part without needing to tell your parents or your boyfriend. Not that I would think you should not tell them, but I guess they will be even more confused than you, and this may put some pressure on you, which you can avoid for the moment.
If after that you have a clearer view on what you want to do, then I would speak about it to them.
I do realize that you may feel uncomfortable by not telling them what's on your mind, and maybe the best is just to voice your concerns. You just need to be aware that you will then also have to manage their questions and anguish.
You should certainly tell your boyfriend how you feel, but I'd wait to tell the family. As the relationship with your boyfriend has lasted so long, hopefully he'll accept it. The first thing you need to do is to try dressing as a male and going into public. This is what a doctor will tell you to do before starting hormones, and then surgery.
The idea that the hobbies you have fit a gay man more than a straight women is ridiculous. Please stop wrapping your mind around stereotypes so much. I'm a girl, and I play video games, build computers, and enjoy using power tools. Does this make me a transexual? No.
If you read her post carefully, she does not say that certain hobbies have to fit a specific gender or sexual orientation, but that that by doing them she feels questioned about her identity,...
And in a certain sense, isn't clothing as male/female a form of gender stereotype? Why should we bend our minds about clothing stereotypes and not hobbies stereotypes? ;-)
>>6 Dressing as the opposite gender in public is the first step to identifying if you'd like to go through with the surgery, in the order that many doctors do it. You crossdress in public for so many months, and then they allow you to begin hormones, and then after so many months of that, you get the surgery. I wasn't just randomly saying "LAWL U DRESS LIEK GUY N THEN U BE GOOD KK?" you know. They do it that way so that a person doesn't get a sex change on a whim or due to mental illness or anything similar.
Just because there's a lot of emphasis on switching genders entirely in our liberal culture doesn't mean it's your only solution. Have you tried crossdressing, to start? You don't need to make such a big leap, try various things to make yourself more comfortable.
Don't worry, I understand and agree with what you say, I just found funny the contradiction between hobbies and clothing, although I understand the reasons behind it.
A very good point. Undergoing a gender change surgery is a huge commitment, like a wedding without the possibility of a divorce. How can one be sure that at 30 one will still be happy about a decision taken at 20?
An important issue is also the fact that such operations will prevent you from having children, and this must be taken into account,...
So probably the best approach is to progress gradually, and crossdressing seems a good start.
Oh nooo....
What are you thinking? Your personality isn't restricted by your physical appearance??? What nonesense! Your body is as much a part of you as your personality. If you want to change something, you could as well change your personality, but that would also be wrong, right?
But as hinted to elsewhere in this thread, a personality sways fourth and hither throughout a persons life, and you will always find need to adjust yourself to new circumstances. However, changing your gender is permanent and can never fully be reversed. And you will still never be fully a man, just as you can never return to be a fully functioning woman, after such a surgery. You should never take such a step based on something as fluctuating as emotions and thoughts.
You should instead embrace the way you look as well as how you are. You don't need to give a fuck about regular conventions. You will always be a captor of opinions and ideas, others and your own, if you change yourself only to fit the mold. You will only be free once you come to terms with what you are.