Copypastin this onto this board as I posted in wrong place, sorry i'm new...
Ok, so recently I met a girl, she is a really pretty thai girl. We kind hit it off, things got fairly hot, etc. I then found out she is married (but getting a divorce) and has a kid. We are both 20 so for me the kid thing is a bit scary, kid is like a year and a half so she had him at like 18!
I was more worried about the marriage thing than the kid, and we actually ended up taking the kid out together (to a place I suggested) and it was really cool, i'm good with kids so that is kind of ok. Problem is the whole involvement with the father makes it all stupidly complicated.
Any one else had the same experience?
Haven't been there myself, but I'm interested, so... bump
My advice: don't try to be the kids "daddy" unless you marry her. Believe me, being friendly with a chick's dog is a good way to "get in" with her, but using the kid this way is all kinds of trouble. Even if you don't mean for it to happen, a kid can get really hurt and confused by people who are there for a while and then just stop coming by when they break up with their mother. The kid will likely be angry and depressed over the stress between its parents anyway, so adding your shit into the mix is more likely to confuse it more than anything, regardless how good your intentions are.
Avoid the "white knight" complex when it comes to her relationship with her ex-husband. That's her business and her problem (unless he's beating the shit out of her or something, and even then it's the cops' problem and not yours). Getting all macho and tough-guy may seem appropriate to the moment, but likely won't translate into what's best over the long run.
Outside of those two common pitfalls the only thing you really need to remember is that women with children are the same as women without children, except they have the massive responsibility of taking care of a child.
The cynical side of me says don't mess around with any woman who's not already divorced and making ends meet on her own (or at least without your help). You might not be playing "White Knight", but she just may be using you as one, consciously or not.
I'm divorced man with children, so my perspective comes from that experience.
OP here: I agree totally with >>3. I hadn't really though about the whole "using" the kid to look good thing, but yeah I guess that is what I did in some ways, I mean I do like kids and I get really into playing with them, but yeah at the back of my mind I was thinking "this makes me look good."
The "white knight" thing is totally not me, i'm to scrawny to stand up to anyone, so I could not do the "tough man" thing even if I wanted to.
As for the whole not divorced yet thing; I am basically just totally letting her set the pace, i'm not forcing anything, if she says she want's to go out we go out, she has explained it is too complicated for her to be in a relationship right now so I am letting her do what she wants. The problem here is that I do really like her and I am kinda putting myself totally in her control already, which I guess does not bode well for a future relationship...
To OP regarding >>4 :
>which I guess does not bode well for a future relationship...
She's not divorced and has drama with the baby-daddy? You gotta slow down, son. Keep it platonic and focus on just being a friend.
OP here, to >>5: agreed, me and her had a chat yesterday, she has been kinda avoiding me, turns out she felt bad about "leading me on" or whatever, apparently someone asked her if we were going out and she freaked out. So I explained that I get how complicated it is and that no matter what happens I would never assume we even could go out given the current situation. I think she was pleased, looks like we are gonna meet up again this weekend.
So now I just have to work on convincing myself its all fine just to be her friend...
>>6
Huh. Good luck with that. Being in this situation I know how hard it is.
>>12
Haha, that's exactly what I'm telling myself too.
>>13
Haha. Yeah, well it will be ok for a while at least, until it drives me totally mental.
Good to see flametrolls posts have been deleted, hats off to the mods.
>>12 My friend calls this "interesting trouble." And I agree, the excitement is way better than nothing.
>>15 "Interesting trouble", I like that. Only problem is even the most interesting things become boring after a while, but then again I suppose worse case scenario is a good (and frustrating) friendship with a pretty girl, so I guess I can't complain.