I have been with my girlfriend for about two years now. I'm 20 and she's 18. We've been through a lot, breaking up just to be back with each other. Currently we're just happy being together.
Lately we have been talking a lot about our past experiences. I have discovered that she had been hiding a lot from me. We talked about how way before she met me, she had flings with people she met in a bar. I also discovered that at the age of 14, she had her first kiss inside a bar with a stranger she barely knew (she said she was a bit drunk, underage and all, was with her 21 year old cousin).
I really had no problems with that, just became a bit insecure. I assured her that that doesn't change the way I feel for her. Although it made me feel very uncomfortable inside that she was like that at a very young age. I felt that she's hiding a lot from me. I know that the past should just remain that, the past. However there is a burning urge inside me that wants to know exactly how she was before she met me, and her past experiences if any.
When I try to start a conversation leading to that, she just avoided it in a very suspicious way, as if there's something she didn't want me to know. This may just be paranoia, but I just want to know, without it leading to anything, just me knowing everything about her and her past.
Anyone who feels the same way about their partner? How do I convince her to open up to me?
Insecure and needy boys get dumped just as fast as insecure and needy girls. Imagine your girlfriend asking you about your sexual past. She wants to know what you did to where, why, and when. Do you think telling her these things is going to make her fall in love with you more? Even if you've been chaste its not appropriate to ask.
Now think about what you're doing. You're asking her for information that is likely to sabotage your feelings for her. Are you sure you don't subconsciously want to break up with her or something?
Stop bugging her about it. She is YOUR girlfriend now, and if you do a good of job of keeping her attracted to you, she'll stay your girlfriend. It's important to let your partner know if you have any STDs but there's no reason either one should be asking the other how many people they've fucked.
Everyone makes mistakes, no matter what kind they are. Maybe she did. Maybe she was like that when she was younger.
But ask yourself one thing: is it how she is now? And who do you love, the one she was or the one she is?
People change, and most of the time they try to change for the best. If that's what she did and she went through hardships for it (changing one's behaviour is not a light thing), you don't want to remind her what she was.
The past is the past. Enjoy the present, prepare for the future, don't let the past hold you back.
I had this girlfriend that told me everything about her past (fuck, suck, fuck with other men even while she was pregnant and in a relationship). Her lies, how she deceived and used other people, she told me everything.
I made her told me.
I felt better. Even with all those things she did, I realized that I still do love her. It's better to know everything about the person you love.
If you really love her though, be contented with what you know. Don't force her to spill out her past, she'll be bound to tell it anyway (or you'll eventually find out).
Please don't tell me about that "past is past" bullshit, what you did in the past affects your future. If you were a slut, don't expect to find a virgin even if you've changed for the better, it's just unfair with what you did in your past. What you did is what you did no matter what excuse you make.
>If you really love her though, be contented with what you know. Don't force her to spill out her past
This sums it all,...
She has actually started to open to you, since she told you stuff from her past. If you react badly to that, it's not very surprising that she will hesitate to tell more. Just show her that you are comfortable and non judgmental, and make clear that you will not force her to tell what she is not ready to tell.
I don't think you should feel insecure about all this. On the contrary, the fact that she speaks about sensitive things is a very good point for you, and you should take it as such.
>>4
I wasn't telling him not to want to know about it, just not to react badly because of stuff she did.