Nobody's ever shown the slightest interest in me. I don't know why. Granted, I'm not much of a looker, but I don't think I'm hideous and the general populace of my college isn't exactly stunning either. I'm shy, but not nearly as much as some people. I don't think there's too much wrong with me in any particular way, but I've still got nothing, and most other people do or have been loved at some point. It's crushing to my self-esteem; I hate it.
The irony is when you've completely given up and stop caring about it at all, someone will randomly appear right when you don't want them to.
>It's crushing to my self-esteem.
It's a vicious circle. The more you let it crush your self-esteem, the less people will tend to love you.
It's sad but true. When you enter a place, you must firmly belive, you must know that you are lovable, that you are great, that you are "top of the world". Now, I'm not telling you to act all smugl - just be firmly convinced that you're great.
It helps a lot.
>>2 Speaks the truth! It's when you aren't looking that you find that you come to care about someone you randomly meet! Your self-esteem shouldn't be based on whether you're with someone, that's something it took me a long hard time to realize!
If you can't be confident & have self-esteem in yourself, and where you're at in life (even if you privately are disappointed with it), trying to find someone else isn't going to help you change that! Your worth is based off yourself, not the fact you're with or not with someone!
Once you realize that, and just relax, be confident & comfortable in life, you'll eventually come across someone, and find that mutual attraction comes from people who are confident enough to stand alone, but are interested in getting to know one another better, rather than someone depending on another person for happiness!
You're probably dull and/or ugly.
Start dressing nice and people will like you.
Don't complain about people being vain. No one cares about the real you.
as sad as it is, >>5 is right. Also- i've seen really ugly people in relationships. You're not as bad off as you think you are. it's probably just bad timing or something
You were born alone
You will die alone
Love is just nothing
If you believe all these people about how we all die alone and realationships are a waste of time, then you're gonna internalize it and become like them. But I dont think you want that since youre here typing.
So here's my 2 cents.
Self improvement.
Theres a great lil thread here thats tracking how some people are trying to improve themselves, and it encourages me.
I think a fun sociable person is much more easy to get along with then a slick dressed anti social person, and like some people said, even avg lookin people get relationships.
So while many people on this forum will go back into hiding, I hope you will find reason to make a change.
OP, I was once in your shoes and sort of is. However, I have improved a lot in the past couple of months. I'll tell you a bit of myself, I recently came from a certain state to this state that i'm currently living in with a deep shy personality and hatred for myself. I wore oversized shirts that hangs down past my crotch and jeans all the time... I didn't care if my clothes match.
I'm 5'8" and 110 lbs.
Recently, I have been going out and buying more clothing, reading up on fashion and dressing nicely. Outcome: I started feeling much more confident about myself and feel better about myself. I do get some looks from women that would smile, however I'm still unable to approach them due to my shyness.. I am however working on that and trying to overcome it. I Do have confidence that I will be able to do so.
Other than dressing nicely and trying to keep myself dressing fashionbly. I've been watching what I eat, eating healthy, and working out daily.
OP. Just work on yourself, treat yourself nicely, and pamper yourself to clothes and healthy food.
patience is a virtue. you'll eventually meet a nice girl. don't consume your time sulking over the fact you're single. that'll just make you feel like the way you're feeling now.
if you're really impatient and you can't find a nice girl. turn gay. the gay people i know don't have trouble finding relationships.
I've come to believe that looking at people is a huge part of it. Recently I heard a speaker say, "Always approach the wallflower first, and then quickly move on, if you don't know where to go at a party.. Well.. unless it looks like there's a Reason you shouldn't approach them."
The fact is that not making eye contact in western countries is the equivalent of saying "I'm not trustworthy" or "I want to be left alone" or "I'm a social reject not worth your time" or "I'm in a gloomy mood, piss off.", and any of those signals will turn people off.
Unfortunately, it's only recently that I've noticed that I look down when walking and only focus on the teacher and perhaps three students immediately nearby. Other than that, I'm a "look-downer" (Double meanings ftw).
So, IF you're like I have been, adjust that and actually make eye contact. Also, don't space out or look like you're thinking of important things (Unless you actually are), as these also deter people from making contact.
The last bit of advice I have is NOT something I very highly recommend.. Get to know people intimately online. Trust me, people do not always purposely fake what their personalities are, but it happens quite often enough. The purpose is not for you to get to know the real "them", though; it's to talk to them enough to learn more about how people want to be seen, and what positive qualities they think you have (once you've spoken back and forth for awhile). If it appears that you're attractive on the internet, then you should be able to translate some of that confidence and (genuine) reassurance into real-life situations.
WARNING: This is not, by any means, a fool-proof method. I think that I'm a pretty interesting person, and some others have confirmed this, but I've also had the bad luck of meeting several..morons. In other words, this may be a waste of your time. Furthermore, you must already meet basic social standards (Shower at least once every two days for those who don't engage in physical activity and don't reek after a few hours, shave when necessary or trim hair, wear next to no (or no) cologne {Yes, that's right. It's Unacceptable to wear cologne/perfume in certain situations, and in others only allowable in small bits}, be personable, smile, actually talk as though you're interested in the other person, don't be offensive with questions that are overly personal, etc.)