is a person's look very important to you when you are looking for a relationship? without a doubt, the personality's very important. but how important is someone's look?
i'm a girl, and i don't really care about looks that much. i mean, it's not like it's not important at all, but it definitely isn't my priority. i'd rather want someone who is kind and funny and has a good personality than someone who is just hot.
but i figure for guys, how a girl looks is definitely very important when it comes to dating?
If you are a girl...
Be advised...the one girl I loved passionately was as pale as a ghost, sickly thin, and when she wasn't passed out and near comatose...she was popping Halcion like it was Pez and drinking Vodka like it was water.
The only times she felt alive was when she was at a disco listening to new wave....
Her eyes were sullen and had bags, her hair was longish(kinda pageboy), black and stringy.
Her eyes were a pale ghostly blue...
She was so skinny...her ribs poked out and her bones were sharp and edgy outside her skin.
She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever loved. She had this soul that was tortured...and I just wanted to do my best with her.
She got me into bad habits(pills and whatnot) ....
Some guys like Barbie Dolls....some Guys like Siouxsie...
To me...looks are looks, character is much more attractive.
We can always be thinner and healthier.
Everyone is constantly a work in progress.
Better personalities get better with age.
All looks and beauty fades. But Character.
That's FOREVER. And that's what she had.
>>1
I'd say if you look mediocre but have the right attitude then you can get what you want.
Well, I know lots of cute/hot girls. Of course, I won't tell you there are no second thoughts when we talk about them between guys. But for most, that's just what they are - cute/hot. Cavemen comments like "she has a nice booty", "I'd bang her anytime" or words like these happen. But it's not that serious; because as >>2 said, beauty fades and isn't even really a personnal achievement, rather than a gift from nature (ok, there is also work on that side, but it's not the same kind of work).
For me, looks are important. But it's not looks as in "let's post my picture on hotornot and see what happens", it's looks as in "general attitude". Coherence, and the way personality traits manage to surface in this attitude, in clothing, in posture, hand gesture, haircut, and so on.
There is something that is certain. The two times I really fell in love, I started to notice and love some things about the girls and to become really emotionally attached to these exterior traits only after I fell in love with their personality. I might have found them cute; but then I learnt to know them, and then I found them beautiful.
You know, love makes us blind...
>>2 Here...
Looks are important....
The more renegade and punkish a girl looks the more irresistable I find her...
For some reason I'm attracted to rebels. I guess cuz I are one.
it's interesting to hear how guys think. i have some issues with my confidence, and so i'm always looking to the people next to me and comparing them with me. now of course there are always people who are more beautiful or smarter than me, and so it just bums me out like shit.
and then when i am thinking about my crush, sometimes i just feel so out of his league because he just seems to be so funny and has the total package. i know it's just my low self-esteem that is giving me doubts, because i do look okay, but still, it's really hard to give yourself confidence when all you can think about is "why would he pick me, when there are so many gorgeous girls or smart girls out there? what do i have that no one has?"
I've been around this toilet called earth a while....
All I can say is....
Anybody who can't like/love you for who you are....is probably a major league asshole.
When...like...lessay I have a thing with a girl(not too much these days...too busy...) But when I am with a girl...
I find myself loving her flaws much more than her positive attributes.
To be frank.
I don't give a fuck how much money you make....I don't give a fuck how you look naked...
I just want to know if if you'd be the kind of a girl that I can get loaded on benzos with.....totally ditch and shirk all my responsibilities with...and just basically descend into hell with...and know we'd both be okay with it.
Kinda farfetched....but...my idea of the perfect relationship isn't the flowery picnic...
It's just being to the point where I don't care.
Fuck sex....fuck parents...fuck friends...fuck work....
If I couldn't go to absolute hell with a girl...I wouldn't have anything to do with her.
And your perfect preppie princess types usually don't cut it.
For the record...I'm not quite that dour...
but you know what I mean. I like the real and the bitter of ther fake and the sweet.
>>6
Have you ever considered that the "crush that is so out of your league" might be a guy that's working hard to be this way? Of course there are some naturals out there, but there's nothing they have you can't learn.
See, the question you ask in the end is not the good one. You should be asking yourself "What am I going to do so he picks ME?", and then try your best. I don't really know for girls, so I can't give really accurate advice, but seriously... don't overthink situations. That's probably one of the first causes of your low self-esteem. Just do what you like to do, enjoy yourself, have fun! Read the "self improvement" thread, I put some advice back there and part of it might be helpful to you.
I was having a discussion about this subject with a girl (who is way too hard to read, half the time I think she's into me, half the time I think she's just the same to everyone) today... We both had almost the same viewpoint. You need personality in a person. If the person you're attracted to is a whore inside or dull as a rock, then no matter what they look like, you're probably going to get fucked in the ass (even more so if the person ends up being a transvestite). But a certain level of physical attraction IS necessary, otherwise you'll end up hating yourself and hating your partner. It's just hard to find the right balance of both.
>>10
right. i feel the same way too, that despite personality, there has to have some physical attraction.
the problem with my crush though is i get so nervous around him that i can hardly talk. i am usually cracking jokes and i'm easy going and nice, but when he is around, it's like i just freeze up and i won't be able to find anything interesting to say. and this is really bad because if i am to show my personality to anyone, it is him. but i must look like a really dull and boring person now because to him, it must look like i don't have any personality at all and i can't hold any conversation.
dont kid yourselves. looks are the most important thing. if a person doesnt find you physically attractive, chances are they wont be into you. Now, every once in a while a person might look past your imperfections, but that is veeeeery rare. its a shame, i know. people have more going on to them than looks. personality counts. but odds are if they arent attracted to you physically, they wont take the time to get to know your personality.
>>4
That's exactly how it is for me, and I'm a girl. The longer you know someone, the more beautiful they become, inside and out. For example, the guy I like often has really noticeable razor burn and flaky dry skin on his face and there's almost always something (gross) hanging out of his nose, and on anyone else that would be kind of "eugh", but I see right past it when I look at him. Because I'm in love with him, inside, and so the outside only looks good. The outside is the physical representation of his inside, of his soul and the words he speaks to me. His razor burned, flaky face is a part of the same body that holds his eloquent, kind, beautiful brain, and so it is beautiful. When I look at him, endorphins shoot all over inside of me because I know that the face and body I'm holding in my line of sight belong to the guy that I'm in love with; this physical human figure, no matter how flawed (and indeed it is flawed), is the physical embodiment of the love-feelings he causes me. That thing hanging out of his nose? Yeah, gross; but it's part of him and I love him, so I can get past that and concentrate instead on that big warm smile right below it. Aaahhh~
However, to be totally honest, if he weighed 800 pounds or had teeth growing out of his nose, it would be hard to get past. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like him yet. I'm assuming that OP isn't 800 pounds and doesn't have an underdeveloped fetus attached to her hip. The only things those sorts of physical obstacles would affect is sexual attraction. And in theory, any obstacle can be overcome.
OP, if a guy is in to you, he will find you attractive. It's inevitable. Good luck being able to be yourself around him; that's important.
If by 'looks', you mean the "pretty", "cute", "hot" people, then I really don't care for them. Personally I prefer girls who are modest in their appearance, because there's a high chance then of their being honest and vivid in their intelligence.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I may find a girl attractive who most people wouldn't say was hot/cute/whatever, even before I get to know her personality. It's strange.
>> 15
Exactly! When I rate girls online the overall rating shows up after I rate. And, almost always girls who are in 9-10 range get a 5-7 from me, while girls who are in 5-7 range get a 10 from me. The reality is that when you look at somebody you're not just looking at their face, but also at their style, body posture and everything else that might reveal something about their personality. Just today I rated a girl who was absolutely gorgeous in my opinion but she got freaking average of 7, probably because she wears glasses and has a bit geeky style. And I saw absolute whores who have no facial beauty but are dry looking, showing their cowy melons off and they get 9.9 average. What's wrong with people? They go by popularity and not by beauty. So, not all guys are the same and not all girls are the same. And the image of beauty both inner and outer is so distorted by the media and masses that I am disgusted.
Guys, for example, have this distorted image of hotness set by mainly porn industry and when they see a normal girl naked they are disgusted that she is pale, not everything is perfectly symmetrical and not everything is big to their taste. So, that's why these whores get 10s and pretty but nice girls get 5-7s. And these ratings are just a projection of real life evaluations that are going on.
I pray to God to send me a girl who will like and love me for what I am and who I will like and love for what she is. A girl like >>13
amazing.
Well i'm a girl.. and I find myself to be very superficial. Looks matter to me...genes--- better looking kids I mean, they are what attract your attention first. Then I would want to get to know them more... to know more aobut their personality
Ha ha.. but since not everyone is good looking, smart, nice, etc. So that's why there are so many unmarried ladies out there.. cuz some of us are just too picky! Ah, what to do?!
On the other hand, I don't think looks mean that much to men... they just want to find a good wife material, to care about them, etc.
How in the Earth you've got to this board? Can it be that you're lonely? Cause it seems that you're the high-maintenance type of girl who hates the whole world in the morning and surrenders to hating even herself in the evening.
Not really, i'm looking for the genes to.
I've been inlove with girls that are physically ugly in my eyes and I figured, I just can't have kids with them. I wouldn't want my kids to look like what i've imagined if they were the mother of my kids.
I think it's because they look physically unattractive to me and I wouldn't want my kids to be physically unattractive. I blame the genes and how it controls my subconscious.
I'd love someone who's physically unattractive in my eyes but i'd never produce an offspring from them.
really? because when i am dating someone, i don't usually think so far ahead. maybe its because i'm still kinda young, but i won't think, "i won't want to marry him or i won't want to have kids with him because he's ugly." it's just too far ahead.
It's when you start feeling old (not physically old) and you start to feel alone, and somehow, you have this need to create and start a new phase in your life called "family". You feel that it's time to settle down with someone for the rest of your life since you've had enough fun dating lots of people. And you wouldn't want to play this time. You're going to take it very seriously and you even consider silly things, like the one I mentioned on my post above yours.
And besides, being with someone you're attracted to in every aspect is better than being someone who you're only attracted to on a certain aspect (e.g. personality but not looks).
gee thanks! aww I don't hate the world.. well truth is. I think I am still young. I haven't dated before, haven't been in a relationship-- (maybe as a result of me being picky!). But it's not like I'm actually looking for a relationship yet. I don't feel like i'm ready for one, and perhaps guys just won't catch eye if i'm not desperate for one?!?! I don't know.
The reason I'm so picky is that... I think about if I can spend my entire life with that person... I'm always told to date and get experience, but I don't agree with that. So basically, if I agree to be in a relationship with guy X, I'm prob ready to marry him too. =P
Ok, the fact that you want your first relationship to lead to marriage is respectable. But, your reasoning sounds wrong to me. The guy has to be gorgeous to even consider him for a relationship? And it's all because of offspring? Sounds like utopia to me. It all breaks down to mating that way.
Anyway, I wish you good luck. I hope you find who you are looking for.
>>25,
no.. that guy doesn't have to be gorgeous..., i'm fine with average-looking guys.
I owe you a sincere apology. I mixed you with >>17, a narcissistic girl who wants nothing less than gorgeous guys. I see that your expectations are quite different. I for myself can say that girl's looks don't play an ultimate role when I decide to ask her out. There should be some physical attraction between the two, but that's very subjective (i.e., what I find attractive may be plain ugly to somebody else). So, guys are into girls' looks as far as they find them subjectively attractive. I guess it has to do with genes and pheromones. I would say that physical compatibility is a better term.
I noticed about myself that when I like the posture of a girl, her body language and expression, I ignore what I don't like (at first) about her. It may not work the same with all other guys, but I do think guys look for more in a girl than just facial or body features. In the end, that's why you'll meet a lot of handsome guys with below the average looking girls on the streets (and vice versa for that matter).
Again, I apologize for the mix-up
>>27..
LOL.. i am >>17!!! No need for the apology.
In 17, I was just replying to the thread--- does look matter.
and my answer is yes. Looks matter a lot.
However, that does not mean I am only going after hot, super model type guys -- looks matter in the sense that --- I can't imagine myself with somebody who looks way out of proportion.
So I guess "good looking" in the sense that they can't be ugly?
lol, when i read two posts, they sounded like completely different persons :) I dunno, you of course have the right of choice. It's not like ugly people chose to be that way. But hey they have to swallow it and continue on I guess, hoping to find their ugly halves. Sometimes, there are ugly-pretty combinations. Sometimes it's the other way around. I'd say that whatever can be corrected (weight, style) shouldn't turn you off. But if you find a guy who has a disproportionate face or something else you don't like, then you're just the type to put an end to any possibility of a relationship. IMHO, it's closed-mindedness, but it's sure better to be honest about it than ending up hurting somebody for what nature/God gave them.
Looks matter to me, but other things matter to me a lot more.
Most of the guys i've ever felt a strong attraction to in my 22 years of life weren't actually very good looking; in fact, looking back, some of them were at least a little ugly. But I certianly didn't think so at the time. When i met them, i either thought they were of average attractiveness, or didn't give their looks any thought, and as i got to know them, i became attracted to them because of who they were, and it seems I then thought they looked great, even though some of them didn't. Well, in a few cases, I knew they weren't good looking, but i was attracted to their looks anyway.
Of course, there have been a lot of guys i've seen, and thought 'wow- hot!', and been attracted to, but in only two cases out of many was this as serious an interest as the guys whose looks i wasn't as initially impressed by.
So I don't think looks are all that important, certainly being 'hot' isn't important.
Of course, if someone was seriously quite ugly, I doubt that i would develop any attraction towards them, so looks do still have an important role.
I do admit that I look more at good-looking guys than your average-looking one. But even then, I've managed to fall in love with a guy who is completely out of what I normally rate attractive people.
He's not Asian (my parents generally only approve of same-race people), he has facial hair, he has more than a little acne, he has braces, he's a gamer like me but likes first-person shooters more than RPGs, and I think he weighs about 190-220 lbs. But he's really nice, he's not ashamed to point out some flaw of mine and his lack of self-esteem is absolutely adorable.
Rant aside, it may seem like looks are very important but sometimes the weirdest things happen at the weirdest times.
The hell? I'm above average attractive, Asian, tall, thin, lack self-esteem, game all the time, and have never had more than one relationship. How did you guys get together? wtf
lol.
believing you have above average attactiveness doesn't really go with lacks self esteem.
but i see your point. must be something about the facial hair.
>33 believing you have above average attactiveness doesn't really go with lacks self esteem.
I lol'd. Indeed.
>>32 you need confidence, not ego.
I only believe it from the image I see from girls about their ideal guy. I'm not so delusional that my ability to compare faces is completely biased, so I think above average is what you could consider me.
>>30
The only question is, how attractive are YOU?
I've often noticed the people most likely to be attracted to not-so-attractive people are those who aren't that great to begin with. And no, I'm no Rick Astley or Patrick Dempsey.
>>30 here
My attractiveness... i'd say fairly attractive. Certainly not the kinda girl who'll usually cause people to stop and think 'wow- she's so hot!' but far from being unattractive.
You do have a good point though. I think standards tend to lower somehwat to match a person's own attractiveness better; otherwise everybody other than the hot people would have a lot of trouble.
But it's not like i'm something special- I've seen a lot of women better looking than I am with men worse looking than anyone i've ever been attracted to, quite often. You know, those 'why is she with him?' couples.
They say love makes you blind, and I honestly don't doubt that.
My girlfriend has several scars on her face, is a little on the chubby side, etc, etc.
But even so, I have never ever seen a so beautiful woman.
Don't worry bout looks, if someone loves you they love you for who you are.
it depends...
i like girls who are smart, athletic, and can at least be friends with more than five people. Attractiveness can only go as far as first impression. I can remember how sometimes I would not like a certain girl at first glance simply because she had crooked teeth, was chubby, tall, etc. However, when it comes to looking for a lover, that shouldn't be the issue.
For example, when I first met my current girlfriend, she just transferred to my high school. She wasn't the most attractive girl in the school (by public opinion) at the time, but for some reason, I just FELL IN LOVE with her. She was skinny, but looked kinda emo and came from the 'hood (yea, kind of mixed in a way). Still, because of that instant click, I constantly tried to get her attention. It took me a year before we became friends, and another six months before we became a couple. We still are with college graduation coming up.
What I understand from the relationship is that aiming towards attractiveness directs only if that person is looking for a one-night stand or having a weird-ass fantasy. Even if that girl isn't that decent looking to the public eye...if she can express her true self and you take it in, then looks shouldn't be a problem.
I think Attraction counts, at least a little bit. You usually don't want to chase after a person/imagine them in a romantic level unless they are attractive to you in some way.
That said, once you get to know a person, it's easy for them to become attractive to you.
However, other than the story of the one girl who likes the antisocial gamer d00d, I can't see any of the guys saying - "Oh, this girl is really fat but I just FELL IN LOVE with her." Most are stories of "skinny" or "slightly chubby" girls.
So let's be honest, here: how many of you would be into a FAT girl? one of my best friends is this type - rejected time and time again. She doesn't go after overly attractive guys, but they're good-looking enough to be able to get skinny girls (even when they're socially awk.) She has a cute face, but mainstream society tells us that she is unattractive because of her body. (I know none of you are 'mainstream' here) but maybe because she goes after a certain type of guy...
@Crusher: I LIKED some overweight girls...not because of what they looked liked, but because they were easy to talk to and somewhat a confident whenever I was down. One girl...I though I would go out with...until I found out she acted like a diva and a bitch! Despite what their weight, ethnicity, facial feature, etc., if you find someone that you can at least get along with, then appearance should not be a huge issue (as long as the other person can see the real you too).
I think i read some of your posts...and all I can say is that if you act like yourself and try to understand me, then I would date you. Unfortunately, I'm dating a girl who still thinks she's overweight (5' 6 1/2" and 128 lbs)
So how would a person's teeth affect the way you feel about them? I think I'm quite good looking to a certain extent if I keep my mouth closed but my front tooth is fucked up due to something that happened a long time ago. I plan on getting that tooth fixed.
Also I've been told that some people dig fangs- true?
depends on how fucked up your teeth are. if it's just one tooth, then it's probably not an issue.
although there have been cases where teeth are truly horrible and it detracts from the person as a whole. Case in point: magibon.
but yeah, I think fangs are way cute, especially on boys!
My mother told me that but I thought it was just something mothers said to their kids. But now I don't feel so bad about my fangs. =]
I think my front tooth is seriously fucked up. I don't think it's possible to look past the tooth. I wish I had normal teeth. Maybe then I'd be able to smile for the camera.
>>46
I just saw that girl on Youtube and she's adorable.
My bottom fangs stick up just a bit. Over the years I've learnt, when I do my natural "upper teeth smile", to open up the mouth just a little so you can see them but not the other bottom teeth. It's very subtle but present. I think it looks hot and have been told so quite a few times :)
That said, it's true that really fucked up teeth on the front might be a huge turn off. I speak especially for visible localized stuff, ie a devitalized or decayed tooth. Fucked up as in a bit broken or not regularly arranged... not that much of an issue. Unless you look like you come from Krypton or whatever. But that's nothing than can't be fixed.
My front teeth can be fixed. I was supposed to get them fixed as soon as it happened (about 8 years ago) but I never had the courage to go to the dentist.