Right, so a little background: I'm 23 and have had a couple of first dates, but never any second dates.
I've met this girl recently at a place where we both do volunteer work, and she's giving major signals that she's interested in me (unless I'm just totally misinterpreting her). We've spent a fair amount of alone time at the place where we volunteer just talking, so we're on familiar terms. I invited her to a barbecue that I'll be attending this weekend and she said she'd like to go and gave me her phone number. I have a strong feeling that if I asked her out on a 1 on 1 date she would say yes. The thing is though, what does one do on dates? I don't have much of a social life, so I only leave my apartment for shopping, classes, and the occassional film on the weekends. My past dates have all involved going out to eat or hanging out at a mall or similar, but once you get to know one another those activities seem to become sort of lame and tedious. So what are some good dating activities?
Talking walks together. Do it under the guise of getting some exercise. Gives you a chance to talk, and your surroundings should provide things to talk about. Plus, you're actually getting exercise, and if you get hungry, you can move right in to having lunch/dinner together.
Also, any activity that gets the heart pumping, blood flowing, capilaries opening, and mouth a panting will make the body think it's doing something sexual. So subconsciously, it will be all qued up for it and might cause her (and you) to release chemicals into your own blood streams making you like each other better. But don't make it a marathon. At least not at first.
Anything that you'd both probably enjoy is fine. Eating, hanging out at malls, walks, whatever is all good. But of course, you can't just do that alllll the time. You've got to break up the monotony by doing more interesting stuff....
like:
Go see a band, go to an art gallery, amusement park, that kind of thing. Active activities like >>2 suggested are good. Rockclimbing? Some women really enjoy things like fishing, too. Going to a fancy restraunt. Visit a zoo. Go driving in the country maybe. Horseriding. Conventions. Visiting a botanical garden and having lunch was a really nice date i went on once. Waterskiing.
Just think about something you don't do all the time, which might be fun.
Talk to them first before the first date to get a feel of what kind of person she is on her off time outside of the work place. If she hints towards a hobby or a type of cooking she likes and try to base your date off that to show interest that you listened to them and wanted to give it a try. If you feel like the date is going nowhere do something out of the ordinary to make them smile and feel special. Remember dates are supposed to be livily and enjoyable. Always think outside the box
I think an amusement park would be really good. It's fun and casual, plus you can talk as you walk around so you get to know each other more.
if you're sure that she's interested in you enough for you to be thinking second dates already, then I would take her through the usual course of a date: movie, dinner, and whatever comes afterwards.
I know that sounds way too typical, but I like to take a girl out on a typical setting of dates at first mainly b/c a movie provides a topic to start off a lively conversation onto the dinner where you can impress her by fancy dining or by taking her to a unique place that she has never gotten a chance to go to yet but she'll surely like. then you can take her to a park or just take her to wherever you can find a nice scenery and just talk to her to get to know her more..
and yea it really allows for her to realize any feelings for you and by saving up a "outside of box" type of date, you can ask her out again easier by saying things like "i got a pair of tickets to ....." or "i heard something something is happening next weekend..." and so on.
best of luck
Movies would be more for a like a second date or after. Thats like two hours of either no talking or just whispering and snicking. Remember first impression, last impression. Just have fun and roll with it.
Yeah, the movies are a terrible idea. No talking? Then what's the point? Ever here the classic line, "wanna go out for some cofee?"
We're the starbucks generation so it should work.
OP here, things went really great at the barbecue the other night, she confessed to being into me when I asked her about it, and we made out some.
Over the course of the next day though (I crashed at her place because I couldn't drive to go home and spent most of the next day there too) I realized that she's got a lot of friends. She's totally an extrovert, while I'm a complete introvert. That in itself doesn't bother me, and she doesn't seem interested in dating any of her guy friends, just me, but what bothers me is that with her having so many friends, it makes me feel pretty unimportant in her life. Like I'm easily replaceable. For me I have only a small circle of friends, so each one is very important, but for her it seems like she has so many friends that any relationship between the two of us wouldn't mean near as much to her as it would to me.
Use the number of her friends to your advantage, and make the number of friends you have grow. I know I have a pretty big collection of friends I'm not really close to (and some who are extremely close and important to me), and that's because when I meet someone new and they have cool friends, those friends become my friends.
I've also managed to worm my way into the very heart of one group in the space of just a few months, just because I'm the sort of person they get along with. Don't feel like you aren't important just because she has a lot of friends. You're the only one who's actually dating her and that makes you special.
Who knows.
You might end up re-defining who she considers a true friend if you keep at it.
Exactly. So there has got to be something you have that those other knuckle-heads don't.
OP again, I would like some opinions if you don't mind. This question merely scratches the surface of a much larger issue, and the topic of several hours of discussion earlier tonight.
If one were to say:
"Although I like you and find myself attracted to you, I feel uncertain that this relationship will succeed (although I have no concrete reason to believe it will fail either), and rather than take a chance by continuing to date you and risk increased pain to both of us, I would prefer to end it now,"
is this a legitimate reason to stop dating someone?
Contrast this to the statement:
"I have discovered an identifiable aspect of your personality that I cannot reconcile, and believe it will ultimately cause this relationship to fail, therefore we should end things now,"
which I believe is a legitimate reason to stop dating someone.
In short, I believe that uncertainty is normal in the beginning of a relationship, but she believes that both parties should be certain of a possible future from the very beginning.
Am I being too naive, or is she being too fearful?
I thing that both parties should want a common future. Uncertainty is normal, it's always something new so it's a little scary, but if both parties have the will to take things along together... then it's probably worth it.
We never know how it all ends up in the end... so it's probably worth the try. And anyway the greatest pleasures on earth come to the cost of the greatest pains - most of the times.
I thing that both parties should want a common future. Uncertainty is normal, it's always something new so it's a little scary, but if both parties have the will to take things along together... then it's probably worth it.
We never know how it all ends up in the end... so it's probably worth the try. And anyway the greatest pleasures on earth come to the cost of the greatest pains - most of the times.
rape her
OP again, last update probably.
It turns out there was some guy friend of hers who she was really interested in all along, but since she didn't think he was interesed in her at all, I was her second choice.
Over the weekend she found out he might be interested in her after all, so she decided to forget about me and go with him instead.
At least she had the decency to tell me this to my face, rather than just stop returning my calls like so many other girls I've known.
I'm really sorry to hear that, OP, it seemed like things were going so well!
She was probably hinting to you with those previous questions...but, you know, at least you know you were reading her correctly. You might not have ended up with her, but girls are into you, despite worries about being introverted.
Just try and look at it as more dating EXP, I guess.