Questions- My best friend (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer1 : 2008-04-17 22:08 ID:eHDl3vXD

I need some help.
Here's the thing,my best friend and I are really close and she's a really nice person. But over the past few weeks I think that i've developed a.....sorta,I guess you could say I love her.... But im afraid if I bring this up that it will totally ruin our friendship and everything will be totally destroyed between us. What should I do? How should I facce this? Will it really damage our realationship if I tell her? Please help me.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 22:15 ID:eKqegUVv

Is she a relatively open-minded person? It's all about her personality. You should make sure that she would be okay with that knowledge, or even hints.

Even better, look for signs that show that she might be interested in you, too. In your best friend position, you're much closer than you would be if you were just this ordinary guy passing by, so I think you have a good chance of changing your friend status to he's-my-best-friend-but-I'm-starting-to-like-him.

Don't tell her yet. Maximize your chances. Good luck!

3 Name: Secret Admirer1 : 2008-04-17 22:46 ID:eHDl3vXD

oh really? well thank you!
Nice to hear some good advice here at 4ch

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 22:57 ID:eKqegUVv

Haha, there's plenty of good advice here, so you shouldn't just listen to me. That would be rather unwise, I think.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 23:08 ID:BszC2vvZ

this happened to me three times already. The main thing is NOT to lead her on so much (i.e. flirting, holding hands so much, hugging a lot, etc). Also, if you direct TOO much attention towards her than others, then she'll wonder what you are planning.

however, i can tell you this: if you are slowing inclining to a relationship, two things are possible...1) take her on a date and express your feelings, or 2) a fight/argument will erupt...but eventually one of you will express your feelings because you don't want to kill the relationship. The latter is the reason why I'm still dating my best friend/girl friend.

hope this helps.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 17:49 ID:GpSSB+eN

Yeah, I've seen and been through this kind of thing before.

Like >>2 said, her personality is something to consider. A good example that I know of this sort of thing is a close (girl) friend of mine developed a major crush on one of our good guy friends. The problem is though, she makes it very obvious and she's very stubborn. Needless to say, our guy friend got really uncomfortable about it because it was clear that he saw her as a good friend and that's it (but he's stubborn as well in the sense that he couldn't tell her that and was waiting for it 'to blow over'). It got to a point that eventually (this took place over a course of several months.... really ridiculous, haha) they got into a fight over stupid shit and how she couldn't stand the fact that he couldn't be honest and say straight out that he didn't feel that way towards her...

Point of the story, it didn't go over well and they're not very good friends anymore...

Now, I'm not trying to depress you, of course. If your friend is more open-minded and say, a lot less stubborn (than my friends), then I think you may have a good chance. The worst that could happen is that she could say no, she doesn't feel the same but wishes to stay as good friends. It might be hard, but you will appreciate the friendship you have with her even more, I believe.

If things do go well, however, and she feels the same, awesome! I hope this helps and things go well for you. Don't push it but be honest!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 22:46 ID:uEF92YMk

all i have to say is...DO YOU LOVE HER? if u do...then fuckin' say it 2 her...

8 Name: Secret Admirer1 : 2008-04-19 20:49 ID:99Glx0Kl

>>7 well geeze thx alot but really she is kinda open minded and has a good heart.
But i think i have been leading her on too much! (i.e the hugging) So should i just go for it now or wait for the right time?

9 Name: Secret Admirer1 : 2008-04-19 21:18 ID:99Glx0Kl

>>7 thank u for that-
but i think ive gone a little overboard with the hugging and flirtin! (srry i kno i shouldnt have...)and now wat should i do-
should i go for it or do you think it wont matter and i shouold wait?
(and ty to the people with the good advice!)

10 Name: Secret Admirer1 : 2008-04-19 21:19 ID:99Glx0Kl

whoops im srry i posted twice wit that stuff- my computer is bein retarded blah

11 Name: >>7 : 2008-04-19 22:59 ID:LEcCFria

well...if u think u've been leadin' her on and dat u care 'bout her so much...then yea...go 4 it.

Da closest thing dat could also happen is dat SHE might tell u she loves u. However...dat's how my relationship began.

Just kno this: u lead her this long...just make sure u don't lead her anymore dat she thinks ur foolin' around wit her.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-21 00:42 ID:MlSCvdW8

>>11 wow, how old are you? Your grammar suggests 12.

As for >>1 I think you would be best to take her on a date or something, not something big, just bowling or something, and tell her you like her (not love her!) and want to be more than just friends.
Also, it may be worth testing her before you do this to see if she likes you too. Try and be distant from her, don't be at her beck and call 24/7, as it sounds you may be, and if she starts coming to you more than I think your onto a winner

13 Name: warkunin : 2008-04-21 15:20 ID:EmoUhXEe

Oh, you most certainly will ruin your friendship by dating her or expressing these feelings toward her. It completely shifts the dynamic of the relationship. It changes how she looks at you, and how you feel shes looking at you. Your relationship will never be the same, unless you both realize, shit that was stupid, simultaenously (which I have done before).

That said... you probably need to go for it. You can't continue not being honest with her. While shes thinking that youre just her friend and platonic with her, that isn't the truth. Its unfair to her to essentially be lying to her about the nature of your relationship, and its likely painful for yourself to contain it.

Find a good time and place to express this to her. Ease into it. Suggest going on a date, but maybe not label it as such. Go see live music, get rowdy and physical, have fun. Go for a walk in a park. Try a new restaurant downtown or something. Make her see YOU as attractive. Then eventually just come out with it, she'll likely see it coming if you take progressive steps.

You just need to be honest with yourself on one question: Are you going to be happy being 'just friends' with her? I've been in situations where, yes I can deal with that. Other times, no, I can't take it anymore and it needs to come out.

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