(I hope it all sounds optimistic and critical instead of emo; because it's partially about stopping being emo, "lovehurt" etc.)
So I have been a stupid, stupid man, and managed to fall in love (whatever that means) with a girl; ended up spending two years of high school chasing after her - at least that's what I thought I'm doing; I guess repeatedly giving her signs that I'm attracted to her, would do anything for her, etc. - wasn't exactly a good idea.

Finally, after graduating, I thought that even if I'm already too late, I should ask her out. Which I did, receiving the usual "let's just be friends" bullshit. And it hurt me pretty bad, because before I managed to bring myself to the point when I thought about her the whole day, she was the whole reason I even went to the school.

Unfortunately I went to the same college as her, so in my stupidity I decided that I should actually stay friends with her - again, bad, bad idea. Don't ever do anything like that - it looks like the best decision, or at least the easiest, but it brings you to a whole new world of pain.

Fortunately, after about two months of torture I managed to realize that the only way out is to completely cut her off - what I consider the wisest decision I made and recommend to anyone. (Even after this, several months later, I tried to talk to her again - only to realize that nothing has changed and I should pull out of this while I still can. Now she has a boyfriend, I hear, and this hopefully will prevent me from such acts of stupidity.)

Anyway - what I'm trying to do now is to change my attitude - actually realize that I was wrong, that I had no chance from the beginning, and what exactly I did wrong and should avoid in the future (looks like the thing I should avoid the most is too deep involvement too early...)

Lately I've been looking into the PUA stuff, and while my goal is not to "pick up thousands of women", they do have a point about what to do and what to avoid in contact with girls. So I'll be trying to change myself.

I just don't want to hear the phrase "Let's just be friends" EVER AGAIN.

I was even thinking about going over my conversations [the chat records] with that girl, and trying to pinpoint what I did wrong, and what was her reaction to that. But I decided it would be too painful.

Still, there are some things I stopped caring about, some music I stopped listening to because it reminds me too much of her, and a style of serious yet funny conversation I was using only when talking to her; now these things are all shut off somewhere - and I guess I will have to regain them, as they are a part of myself.

So... that's my story. Thanks if you actually read it, and sorry if it didn't interest you: I just needed to say it somewhere, that I have a resolution to change myself - and it seemed like a good place to do it, unlike, say, 4chan...

Feel free to ask about details, comment, share similar experiences or give advice what else should I do.