Girls Asking Guys Out?? (32)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 04:25 ID:GbISUBj/

my friends and i talk a lot about girls asking guys out and whether or not guys find it too assertive. i for one could prolly never do it because i get really shy around the guys i like, and i really dont want to start a relationship off with me in the "leadership role". You know what i mean??

like relationships where girls "wear the pants" or "have the balls".

the long and short of the question is:

  1. do guys feel demasculanated when girls ask them out?
  2. how do guys feel about girls wearing the pants in a relationship?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 04:50 ID:mc2aReyB

>>1

we love it!

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 06:25 ID:x0UNityb

My god, I'd love to be asked out. Maybe I'm just cowardly or something. (((*_*)))

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 06:35 ID:rXV/IaFp

It really sounds like the sweetest thing I could ever think off. Really, I would absolutely love it if I was asked out by a girl.

5 Name: 43 : 2008-05-24 07:24 ID:pA7ED5zX

>do guys feel demasculanated when girls ask them out?

Not at all. If a guy happens to feel this way he'd probably have issues with his masculinity anyway.

>how do guys feel about girls wearing the pants in a relationship?

Some like it and some don't, it depends on the guy. Personally, I don't thin that taking the lead = "wearing the trousers"

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 08:23 ID:s41kj3I4

When I was 16, a girl was finding all sorts of excuses to hang out with me...but I found it uncomfortable then, I wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't feel "demasculinated" though, and I don't really care much about the "leadership role", I was just too young

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 19:36 ID:GbISUBj/

is it really hard for guys to ask girls out??
i dont want to sound rude but i mean is it kinda scary for you?
cause i know as a girl asking a guy out it would scare the crud out of me

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 19:36 ID:GbISUBj/

is it really hard for guys to ask girls out??
i dont want to sound rude but i mean is it kinda scary for you?
cause i know as a girl asking a guy out it would scare the crud out of me

9 Name: 43 : 2008-05-24 23:55 ID:pA7ED5zX

>>7

>is it really hard for guys to ask girls out??

At the beginning is difficult, with practice you become mentally prepared for rejection.

>is it kinda scary for you?

Yes, it always is. The best way is not to think about it.

Now let me ask back:

-Is it hard for girls to reject a guy they're not interested in?
-Are girls concerned about what other people might think of them if they were to ask a guy out?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 01:47 ID:dkSiF6N+

>>7

In my case, it's terrifying because I'd have to do enough research to make absolutely certain that it was okay to ask her out -- in other words, that she was available and not likely to be completely disgusted by my asking her.

In my youth, I was falsely accused of sexual harassment, and believe me, an experience like that drastically changes your interactions with the opposite sex. I've never asked a girl out or gone on a date, and I doubt I ever will.

There have been girls that I've liked, but I would have needed to make completely sure that it was okay to ask. Since I was never able to find that assurance (and I know now that I never would have been able to), I never asked. I wouldn't change anything, though -- being lonely and safe is much preferable to risking a return to court because a girl took offense to something in my question or demeanor.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 02:56 ID:BUe4IJ+9

>>7

I'll be 29 soon and have never asked a girl out.. maybe I need a girl to save me? :/

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 03:37 ID:l51lUcFf

>>1

  1. No, we love it. Girls are so difficult to read, with all that hinting seductive crap. If you say what you want, you have the highest chances of getting what you want.
  2. Fine. Personally I feel fine; I don't care either way.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 05:47 ID:GbISUBj/

>>9

>>-Is it hard for girls to reject a guy they're not interested in?

i think it depends on the girl and the situation. If its a friend asking you out its especially hard because you like them as only a friend and you dont want to come off as a complete wench or make them feel unattractive, but its not as though we can change how we feel on the spot and saying yes to them would only lead them on.

othertimes if its someone you dont know well its a little bit easier but if they are a nice girl they will still feel some guilt because no one wants to be rejected and knowing you are rejecting someone and possibly making them feel like crap can make you feel like crap....

>>-Are girls concerned about what other people might think of them if they were to ask a guy out?

i cant speak for everyone but for me it would be a yes. more so my friends then just random people. if a majority of my friends dont approve of it, it would make me feel uncomfortable, especially if i dont tell them before hand and something happened later.

the random people do factor in a little bit cause if you are say turned down by the guy you asked out its going to make you wonder if it was your asking him out that made him turn you down in the first place.

14 Name: 43 : 2008-05-25 06:09 ID:pA7ED5zX

>>13

Thanks for your answers, I just thought of another question: When a chick says "no" or says she's not interested, does that mean you have to try harder or it means definitively NO?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 06:39 ID:GbISUBj/

>14
>When a chick says "no" or says she's not interested, does that mean you have to try harder or it means definitively NO?

Again it totally depends on the girl and the situation.

Normally you can tell, if she looks absolutely terrified the first time round its unlikely she is going to simply come around. normally if you cant even get through your trying to ask her out its a pretty good indicator to the negative.

If she takes time to answer you, like a couple of days, or hours, or even a pause more then say.... a minuite it means she needed to think about it. This lets you know that you were not all together out of the question but she has her reasons.

gage the way she is standing in relation to you and the way her face reacts. these can be HUGE tell tale signs. like a girl will probably not burst out a huge NO in a yell but her eye brows might reach for the heavens and her eyes pop out, this shows great surprise. Her nose might wrinkle in disgust or some other reaction. dont use blushing as a major indicator... some girls blush simply due to stressful or embarassing situations.
again look at her body language how she is standing in such, there are tons of sites that can help you with how to read body language

^-^ hope that helps some

16 Name: 43 : 2008-05-25 08:06 ID:pA7ED5zX

>>15

Thank you, it does help indeed.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 11:54 ID:l51lUcFf

>>15
Thanks for the tip

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 17:50 ID:NUzHyWGI

  1. I don't mind. I wish more girls did it.
  2. I think I'd hate it. I would like to have a say in things and if I were wearing the pants I would give her the right to have a say in things too.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-26 02:43 ID:GbISUBj/

i'm going to kick some questions back at you!!

-Is it hard for guys to reject a girl they're not interested in?

-will a guy not ask a girl out based souly on what they think their friends will think?

20 Name: 43 : 2008-05-26 08:01 ID:pA7ED5zX

>Is it hard for guys to reject a girl they're not interested in?

I've had 3 females confessing to me, one of them was difficult to reject because she was my friend. Other, was slightly difficult to reject because I liked the attention. And the last one was easy to reject as I had no interest in her at all and I was certain she didn't know me at all so she was solely based on my appearance.

>-will a guy not ask a girl out based souly on what they think their friends will think?

It's possible, it depends on the guy and the situation.

21 Name: 43 : 2008-05-26 08:04 ID:Heaven

Oh, I forgot to mention there was a 4th confession, I didn't reject that one. She was good looking and when she approached me I thought it was a joke/she was making fun of me so I went like "yeah, whatever" but it turned out she was serious.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-26 17:34 ID:ZFK/UDpU

Yeah once a girl asked me out and shes like would you like to go out on a date and i was like "Yeah.. yeah! sure i'd love to, i gotta party coming up this weekend do you want to go?"

it was a smooth transaction

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 02:10 ID:UDoHQ4qB

  1. I would love it if a girl asked me out, why don't girls ask guys out? They just drop hints, its difficult for us to understand.
  2. I'd find if hot if the woman took control, then again, I'm kind of maschositic

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 06:44 ID:naWB5iVt

>>23

  1. yeah but i guess there is a huge stigma about girls asking girls it just seems wrong somehow.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 18:53 ID:ALsz2sJ2

I don't know, as dramatic as the whole 'confession' scene we see in anime/manga (maybe it's just a japanese thing, but it usually seems to be the girl confessing?) is, I don't think there needs to even be something as official as -asking someone out-. Shouldn't it be handled as casually as saying 'hey, let's go do something', and hoping for the best?

Personally, I wouldn't find it belittling or demeaning to have a woman be a little more assertive in these matters. Of course, maybe that's me just looking for a crutch to keep from having to put myself on the spot instead? Hm.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 22:36 ID:l51lUcFf

>>24
Yeah, today's sexual equality ends when it comes to female advantages.

> we see in anime/manga (maybe it's just a japanese thing, but it usually seems to be the girl confessing?)

I don't know to what extent is it Japanese culture, and to what extent is it male wishful thinking in anime directed towards males.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 06:32 ID:h/M5xqJF

>> 26
>I don't know to what extent is it Japanese culture, and to what extent is it male wishful thinking in anime directed towards males.

lolz!
too true right :P

the thing that annoys me is that it seems like a guy will really like a girl but not do a damn thing about it because his friends would make fun of him because of the kind of girl she is. that drives me nuts!

and i would say something to the guy but if he is too chicken shit to ask me out because of what his friends would say what is he going to say if i ask him?

anyone know what i mean?

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-03 08:03 ID:PfLX3Ktl

I personally would love a girl straight up asking me out, more than most things in the world. This is especially true because of the situations I've had to go through with past girls. Almost every girl I have liked I stressed and strained to see the "clues" being dropped, only to see false signs within a normal friendship. I guess my biggest handicap is I have never had a normal girl who sincerely wanted to become romantically entangled with me, so with no basis to judge, it's incredibly hard to tell what is friendly, and what is flirting.

So, yes. I would really like a girl to come out and ask me, even if I didn't have feelings for her.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-03 12:48 ID:dGXtCFOe

Something kind of like this but not exactly the same, but last week I received a girl's phone number without actually asking for it.

30 Name: Thunder!RQhIqRxs5I!!QiI33I8Q : 2008-06-03 16:39 ID:RqiRQp/M

I'm the type of girl who's direct and aggressive, but the one time I confessed it didn't end well, and my current situation, where I was basically the pursuer, isn't going so hot, either.

When I like somebody, I want to chase and pursue (I'm kind of guy-minded, I guess) but because that's not what society tells us girls are supposed to do, I'm always afraid of coming off as clingy and annoying if I'm the one calling and making plans or sending text messages to say funny things throughout the day.

I feel...undesired if the guy doesn't take the initiative at some point, just because society tells us guys are the ones who are supposed to chase, and I know I'm an aggressive girl. I have a friend who prides herself on being a feminist and a strong woman, but she wants a man who's as strong as her, and when it comes to relationships, she wants a guy who can pursue her (she's also made the first move plenty of times and it's fallen flat every time.)

So, while girls have less to lose in asking guys out, I think guys need to take the reigns at some point, too.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-03 21:46 ID:h/M5xqJF

>>30

here here!!!

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 03:26 ID:UMh06zzb

>>27
>>30

While I recognize that a guy who doesn't show initiative would be boring and annoying, there's a difference between him doing nothing and him having trouble getting started.

My advice in >>27 's situation is to mention off-handedly that it's annoying when a guy is too scared to approach a girl he likes, because it's unreasonable to fear making a mistake or her not liking him, since women will be flattered, forgiving, or accepting.

That way it breaks the ice on the subject of interest, allows him a moment of relief if he does like you, and makes it clear that he won't approach you if he isn't going to.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.