About a year and a half ago, I developed a huge crush on a guy that works at the same place I do on a different shift. I admired him from a distance for months, shyly smiling at him when we accidentally made eye contact, and later nervously saying "hi" when we'd pass each other on our way in/out of our work place. About a year ago I initiated a verbal exchange that lead to us saying a little more than "hello" each day and months later lead to us spending time together outside of work.

Now, about a year and a half later, we're close friends who have shared mounds of personal things with one another and who care about each other sincerely as good friends do. Of course, my crush has only continued to fester, and I have very strong, romantic feelings for him by this point. It's not just lust or a crush at this point; I really care about him as a person and want him to do well, and my care for him boosts my love feelings to a level that goes far beyond "liking" him.

My dilemma lies within how I involuntarily react to the way I think he feels for me. We're "just friends" and for the most part, act like friends act. But, I have feelings for him that he's not aware of, and I'm pretty sure they're unrequited. I constantly yearn with pain for him to want me, and when I see him flirt with another girl or hear him talk about other close friends, I immediately feel crushed inside and I'm set ablaze with the desire to be his. He consumes my thoughts, I literally spend hours pining over him and imagining him holding me/telling me he loves me/{typical lovelorn female virgin fantasies} and want nothing more than to have a mutual romantic relationship with him. It seriously hurts sometimes.

The part that bothers me and warrant's the title of this thread is that every once in a while, on the rare occasion that he does do something that seems to say that he may indeed feel the same way to some degree, I freak out and want nothing to do with him. When he displays interest in me in a way that suggests he wants me in the way that I want him to want me, he becomes less desirable.

Thus, I'm hot to the cold and cold to the hot; I only want him when he doesn't seem to want me, and when he does seem interested, I want to run away. I have no idea where this comes from. There have been days where I'll feel like I'm going mad with wanting to be with him, and he'll say something really sweet, like that he'd make time just to see me no matter what his schedule was like. Soon as I think it sounds like he's hinting at "liking me back," I totally cool off and don't want to see him for a while. But as soon as he starts treating me like any other friend again, I'm right back into feeling sick with want for him.

It's so fucking frustrating. I must sound like the typical "bitch" female who toys with men's emotions and uses them for things. Keeping a bated hook dangling before him and then denying what I've been promising when the punch is pulled. It's not like that. Deep down inside, I really love him, inside and out, but there's something wrong with me.

I've never been in a romantic relation ship before, so I wonder if it's "cold feet" and if it's like that for everyone when they think they're nearing the start of such a relationship for the first time. I don't know what to do. Is this normal, or am I just programmed to fail?

tl;dr
I think I'm in love for the first time with someone who usually treats me as just another friend and I want to be with them more than I want anything else, but when they do return feelings, my desire for them evaporates into nothing, only to return when they go back to seeming disinterested in romance. Halp?

>I must sound like the typical "bitch" female who toys with men's emotions and uses them for things.

Indeed.

If he feels/felt somehow the same as you your actions have been pretty selfish. Make your mind up.

Just a question, OP, how old are you?

Does he actually become less desirable to you or are you just scared?

This:

>when they do return feelings, my desire for them evaporates into nothing

directly contradicts this:

>I think I'm in love for the first time ... I want to be with them more than I want anything else

If you really do feel that way, you may just be scared, but it doesn't sound like it. It doesn't sound like you like him at all, actually. It sounds like you like the fantasy of him, but not the reality of a relationship.

You want what you can't have. You do sound like a typical "bitch" female. Make up your mind on how you feel about him, or else you'll destroy your own chances with him.

You might also be destroying his chances, might I add. Just go for it or find someone else.

Also, I'm kinda in that situation too, but on the male front. OP, what'd you like me to do?

I know how you feel because I've been in the same situation 3 years ago. I really liked this guy, made everything to catch his attention and when I was absolutely sure He was into me, I begun holding back and eventually ruined everything we could've had.
I can say I've changed a lot since then, and I do regret what I did, because he now is dating for almost one year and he's all happy and I felt like shit for a long time. But that's past now and we're still good friends. I do now realize that the feelings I had towards him were not interely honest.

Now I do know what feels like to be in love with a guy and I don't want to ruin it, still, dunno what to do. Just like you.
You gotta start to give him strong hints about his feelings. If you're not brave enough to confess (I'm not), that's what you gotta do. Show him you want to spend time with him alone and stuff. I dunno. I'm not experienced in this aswell, but I read the thread and felt you and I are in the same situation right now.

>>strong hints about his feelings --- my bad, I meant "your"

Counseling services. Go to them. Seriously, this sounds too complex for a BBS.