So, not sure how many people are actually paying attention, but here goes.
I am a 27 year-old male, located in the south-central area of the U.S. 5'9", about 185lbs. and a bit out of shape. I'm a college graduate and work in the IT department of a large retailer making pretty good money for this area. Not that it's really related to this thread.
The thought I've been coming to is that, at the age of 27, I've never really dated. At all. My singular 'relationship' was back in high school, with a girl who lived several hundred miles away in another state. We were only able to physically meet once, for a few days. I like to think that that relationship was 'real', in that we truly cared for each other, but the simple fact is that having an 'internet girlfriend', you miss out on a lot of the subtleties of maintaining a relationship.
This was 10 years ago. And I haven't so much as held a girl's hand since then.
At this point, I realize that the older I get while having no practical experience in dealing with the fair sex, the worse off I'll be. So, I have begun actively keeping an eye out for interesting women to potentially pursue. Here's the thing though...
I can't seem to find anyone with the unique combination of looks and personality to immediately make me think 'Damn, I've got to get to know her...'
I know that 'love at first sight' is pretty much purely biological, but it seems like when you encounter someone who closely matches what you are looking for, there should be SOMETHING that makes you get nervous and tingly and all that good shit. I haven't felt that - towards anyone, really - in a long, long time. Logically, it seems that would be helpful in really evaluating a person - are our personalities and interests compatible, do we want the same things, would this be a good partnership? Very reasonable, being able to put their qualities in perspective. But hell, am I only looking for a business partner?! Someone to share a house and bills with, household chores, etc.? That's a horrible way to look at it.
I'm not really sure what sort of advice I'm asking for, or if I'm even asking for advice. Just a thought I had to get off my chest.
How about it, folks? Keep looking for someone who makes my heart skip a beat, or be more pragmatic and find someone I can spend the next 50 years with peacefully?
"Keep looking for someone who makes your heart skip a beat"
the truth is, i have been in the same situation (still are) and i have dated alot but there was never 'that spark'..sometimes only one sided and it was kinda akward to keep up with the excuses to not go out on a third date.
So yeah, i'm still here and practically given up. Maybe, just maybe i'll walk on the street and find her..pffff hahaha sorry, that never happens,fucking romance stories suck.
Just keep dating until you find her.
OP, it sounds to me that you just lack dating experience, period. Love at first sight is a nice concept, but not actually a realistic one.
Most of what people describe as "love at first sight" or as a "crush" is that tingling rush of hormones/adrenaline/excitement. I see it as infatuation, and infatuation fades.
In your case, OP, I would just say go out with more girls, and see how you feel about them. I find it hard to believe that you haven't been at least attracted to some girls. Dating is about learning about people and seeing if you're compatible with them. I find it hard to believe that anyone can look at someone and think "wow, that person will be a good lifelong companion!" just from looking at them.
27 isn't old. So go out and get some experience!
Where is a good place to churn?
Attracted? Hm.. well, as far as personality goes, I usually never have the opportunity to find out what their personality is like - or rather, I never make the opportunity. As for looks... strangely, I have never found society's 'default' ideal of beauty to be all that appealing. You can show me someone that my gay friend would say 'even I'd hit that!' and I'll usually be 'yeah, she's alright... I can see what you're talking about.' But not be particularly moved. Maybe I just prefer 'cute' over 'sexy'.
Curse you for making me like this, Japan! ヽ(｀Д´)ﾉ
I don't know. Your advice is sound, I guess I'm just nervous about putting effort into getting to know someone when there doesn't seem to be any underlying emotions involved. Sort of like deciding to play the guitar, not because playing guitar would be awseom!!!!one, but because being able to play an instrument would be a useful skill, and guitars are common and easy to acquire.
I'm not sure this is making much sense.
tl;dr - confidence issues ･ﾟ･(ﾉД`)･ﾟ･
>>I don't know. Your advice is sound, I guess I'm just nervous about putting effort into getting to know someone when there doesn't seem to be any underlying emotions involved.
I'm pretty much the same way. Not being a particularly social person by nature, I find that if I'm going to spend the time and effort to get to know someone, I'd like to have some sort of reasonable assurance beforehand that we'll at least be able to get along as friends. Otherwise, I'm a very busy person, and there are scores of things that I'd rather be doing instead of hanging around parties like some barfly.
OP, If you take a car, offer to carpool... Once in awhile maybe a girl would pop up. If that does happen, ask her if she takes this route routinely. I'm sure you can squeeze in 5-10 mins getting home later than usual. Who knows, maybe she'll get interested. ^-^
go out there to meet people. waiting for love at first sight you have a good chance to die alone. make more friend of opposite sex is the way to go.
OP, I think we're of the same kind. My relationships have all been long distance, though I did stay with one and she with me for a few days here and there. What I've gotten the gist of is that there's no such thing as love at first sight, and that you also have to purposefully engage in deeper conversation. If you sit and talk about meaningless things or about your feelings all of the time (or those things you agree on), you're not going to know if you'd really fit or like a girl long term.
Of course, to get to this point you have to be talking to girls. I think the hardest thing for me is not seeing women as potential partners, because, in some sense, I think you really have to be able to do that; see them for the person they are, not as what /might/ be.
If you have confidence issues, then see a counselor. You can find one that's pretty cheap anymore. Furthermore, you might want to look up some dating tips websites and download some dating torrents. Things like Pick Up Artist stuff, while often full of a kind of misogyny and other bullshit, also do have some good tips that can be extracted. (Ie, Neil Strauss talking about particular habits women look for. You can usually find some live pick-up videos that show some of these things to be the case. I wouldn't recommend following a system, though. Being authentic to who you are (or want to be) is always most important.)
What kind of activities do you like to do? Going out to places where groups of people with similar interests to you is a good way to meet women. For instance, if you're a gaming/comic nerd, try hanging out at your friendly local gamestore, especially at any events they might sponsor that coincide with a specific interest you have. (Although, perhaps game store was a bad suggestion, as there don't tend to be too many of us women there...)
Also, don't look too hard >>11 Of course, to get to this point you have to be talking to girls. I think the hardest thing for me is not seeing women as potential partners, because, in some sense, I think you really have to be able to do that; see them for the person they are, not as what /might/ be.
Very good advice.
If you're a gaming/comic nerd, keep that to yourself when you talk to women ^_^
Well, first of all that internet relationship wasn't real. You were just plugged into the wall. Second, love at first sight isn't real at all. There's instant attraction and that's it. How can you fall in love with someone you don't even know? It doesn't make sense.
I don't really know what to say. I guess try not to let it consume you're life. A new girl usually enters my life when I least expect it to happen and when I'm not looking in her direction. That's how life is. Everything happens unexpectedly. But when that opportunity to make your move comes, you gotta MAKE IT right then and there. Don't wait and come to 4-ch to ask what you should do. You'll know.
What I like to do:
/a/
WoW
um.... exercise every now and then to become less flabby
irc
It's kind of hard to meet the wimminz at most of these places. （´･ω･`）
Honestly, I'm not really un*happy now... I just think I could be *more happy. I guess this gives me the benefit of not being desperate and going after the first person who even acts like they won't reject me, just because I'm sick of being alone. Being alone has lots of good points. I do what I want, I go where I want, if I want to spend $100 on a Hisui figurine or stay up until 2am raiding, I can do it. That part's nice.
So. Hanging out in Barnes and Noble manga/fantasy sections... little silly but worth a shot? I'm kind of stretching for things that I enjoy right now with enough of a social element to get me out of the house and meeting people.
Of course I'm glossing over the fact that my FABULOUS best friend makes the perfect wingman. He's my secret weapon ( ﾟ ヮﾟ)