In a person you are intersted in , what makes you love them more, what is it based on ?
Like, if a person you never thought as a lover before and you realized they have feelings for you, do you give up if they are bad looking? Or accept only because they are pretty? Do you care for their character or looks?
It must be a vague subject but I am curious on peoples thoughts.
a male POV:
looks do matter to a degree, if her looks or behaviour is repulsive, i'd still turn them down. If shes average looking and has a very positive attitude, then i'd inevitably find her cute. Some girls don't look much, but when they smile everything changes.I go with my gut. If i have a good time around her or enjoy chatting with her a lot, i'd fix up a few dates and get to know her better. As long as her face isnt fubar, generally your personal perception of her beauty will change the more you like her. Her character on the other hand isn't up for you to change.
TD:DR - You can at least have a relationship with a virtuous manatee, but you'd never be able to get past a one nighter with a smoking hot hollow flower vase.
thats sort of like my case before until i felt the same feelings. well, i agree wif >>2 cos if the look of him/her just repulses u, it might not work at all. it goes for guys AND gurls- the appearance factor.
well, if he/she ain't that fabulous-looking, wat about the personality side? if he/she got a fun, loving side that simply makes up for the 'looks' department, i'd go wif >>2 n "fix up a few dates". n u can actually see from there how things might work out.
who knows, u might end up being the 1 falling harder lol.
I'm not so much of a looks person. I tend to be interested in the ones that I can have an actual conversation with but not religious. Behaviour is pretty big too, since it's hard for me to like someone that will get on the table and strip for everyone at the first drop of alcohol.
Chemicals in the brain choose , not me.
>>6
Interesting answer... It's still your preferences that guide attraction.
Few women end up looking repulsive enough to me for that to be an issue.
Personality is the primary deciding factor.
>>7
Well, I agree it's interesting. And I'm not sure about your "it's still..." line. After all, sometimes we can be attracted to people we wouldn't habitually have considered matching our "preferences".
I think there is a conscious part and a more "animal" part in attraction. Something related to our minds and intellect, and something totally unrelated, more "basic", "instinctive".
If I find out that someone is romantically interested in me after knowing them for more than a month or so, I will probably not be interested. Lack of reciprocation is a huge turn-off for me, second only to having a horrible personality.
Let me tell you a story about a man we'll call Nick (for that was his name).
I met him in a wonderfully geeky way: through a role-playing group. The first night he played, the GM invited another girl who turned out to be one of the most annoying people I have met in my life. She made the game nearly impossible to play, which was fine by me, since it gave me a chance to talk with Nick a bit. (He told me a story about attempted necrophilia, which is the perfect way to begin wooing me.)
It became normal for me to sit next to him at games. We talked a bit more, and I found myself with a bit of a crush on him. Now, Nick wasn't the most attractive fellow, but he certainly wasn't undatable or unkissable, and made up for it with a decent personality.
One night I dragged myself to the game despite being quite sick. I ended up puking miserably and crawling into another room to sleep. He was quite nice to me at the time, and I remember thinking that this was finally someone who I could be happy with.
So what happened? Things stagnated. I was flirting happily with him, and he was kind of flirting with me in game, but nothing happened outside of it. Nothing. I could tell he was interested, all our friends thought so too. But he made no moves.
Now, I understand that girls can be intimidating. I understand that rejection is scary. I can even sympathize. But, during the pre-relationship dance, I have to be met half-way. I lose interest otherwise. It's not something I really have control over, I just do.
It was at an anime convention a few weeks later that I looked at him and all attraction fled from me. A few hours later I met a boy I found kind of cute. We talked... talked a bit more... spent the evening flirting, then met up again the next day. The next evening was spent wandering around the empty convention center, making out. All it took was having someone not so afraid of rejection that they didn't even try.
(Our not-quite-dating relationship lasted all of a week before he started dating someone else. I was sad for a week, then a stranger we'll call Mark on the street asked me for my number. A week later we went on a date where he proceeded to completely skip the pre-relationship dance and ask me to be his girlfriend before we had even kissed. We then made out in a deserted sports field, drawing a thumbs-up from a random homeless guy.)
(The boy I made out with at the convention is now dating a friend of mine. Thankfully, I've managed to avoid seeing him face-to-face, as I know that would be somewhat painful.)
(Nick kind of turned into an asshole and turned out to be in love with his best female friend. I have no idea what he's doing now, as he's alienated himself from our group. Oh, and he got a horrible haircut from her.)
tl;dr - I doubt I would be interested in anyone if I'd known them for more than a month or so. Looks aren't the most important thing, although they are nice. Don't let your bitchy best friend cut your hair.
If all girls are so fickle, then I don't feel quite so bad about never having been on a date.
>>13
How manichean of you. Is there really no middle ground in this?
I'm actually somewhere rather close to the middle ground. I'm dedicated and loving to people I have a real relationship with. My story was about someone who I had a small crush on and therefore saw an opportunity to be happy with. When the relationship didn't go anywhere, I lost interest.
i really hate to say it, but i am quite shallow. i'm a girl and generally, if a guy doesn't have at least average looks, i don't really have much interest in him. along with that i'm the opposite of >>9. I have to know the guy at least a month before i'll really consider dating him. I'd like to know if he's an asshole BEFORE i start dating him, thank you very much.
If I can communicate with my partner, and they not only listen to what I have to say, but understand what I say and are open to talk to me just as much...
Easily maintained relationship.
Well, I've been reading what everyone was saying, and it's kind of true when you look from everyones points...Well, I'm a girl who has a musical choice of 'Johnnys'(which is an entertainment agency that hires goodlooking boys and debuts boybands&actors etc.), and I enjoy good looking companions but when it's a choice of a real life crush, it has always been people that other people ask me "W...why?" about ww...
Especially my last crush, it was almost one-sided love in a really weird way, until I abrubtly stopped liking him (though he seemed to start being insterested in me, he just took too long), but all my friends said "But if its you and him...I'd never think! Because he's a little..." (laugh)
So for me, it has always been the character before looks, meanwhile I do fangirl on goodlooking idols (laugh) I'm a little weird person.
But to be honest, as the op, I never had a relationship but it's mostly because I am too ...not confident (laugh) I do not think I am as gorgeous as other girls, (although I am often told otherwise), hence I never take a step, perhaps it is the same reason that men don't take a step either. I don't really get it...
Tl;dr: it didn't make any sense either so its okay XDXDXD