gf has an internet crush (18)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 11:26 ID:sCYFz7TR

I have been together with my gf for over a year now. We have decided to move in together within a month or 2. We're 22 (me) and 19 (her) years of age.
About a month ago I found out that she has a mutual crush on one of her internet friends. Some guy who lives on the other side of the planet whom she has known for 4 years now. When she was 16 they had this internet romance which lasted for 2 months. It stopped because the guy found another girl. They've never met irl. Apparently this guy has had many gfs and never for longer than a year.
I found out about this in her public blog, which I came accross online, and I feel kinda guilty about it, because she probably wouldn't want me to read it. Then again she always tells me she has nothing to hide. She wrote that she loves me so she will just stay friends with him, but then she also wrote that she's trying to visit him in the next summer to meet "as friends". She hasn't told me about these plans yet. Even though they've known online for 4 years she wrote that she knows me better than him.
I really don't know what to think and I don't think I can trust her, because of their history and the obvious flirting attempts by the guy. Should I just tell her I read her blog and that she has to choose to cut ties completely with either him or me? Or maybe hint her in some way?
It's just so ridiculous that she would fall for such a guy who will dump her when something better comes along. She knows that too, because she wrote that. It's also ridiculous to end our relationship for a stupid internet crush and our relationship is pretty stable as it is now.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 11:53 ID:V6kQtE84

well.. if it's a public blog, it's open for anyone to read right?
or did you perhaps used her password? ;-)

anyway's what's the distance? does he live in another country? if so. It probably won't work out. and.. just talk about it with her. if you say you really feel uncomfterable with the idea of her seeing him. she wouldn't go anyways :D

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 11:55 ID:cPpF2b+9

Man, your gf is kind of crazy. Who meets someone they met on the internet? But, if I were you I wouldn't gve up on her. Explain to her how unstable her internet-bf situation is because she's still young and stupid. And you should let her know how you're feeling and just off-putting her internet-bf-addiction is.

Also I'd start just talking to her in e-mails, messenger, or texts, just for kicks.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 14:27 ID:sCYFz7TR

>>2
It's kinda public, but it's under a nickname.
He lives on another continent. Practically on the other side.
I should also add that before she came to the conclusion to be just friends with him she was wondering if she should "run away".
>>3
Well, I met her on the internet and I don't regret it. Our distance is 2 hours by bus atm, but we're seeing each other often.

Even if it's a nearly impossible option for her it doesn't change the fact that I feel hurt. When we got serious I closed my doors to every potential girlfriend.
Maybe I should just be completely honest with her and tell her I read the damn thing, but I'm just worried something worse might happen. So I'm wondering if I should tell her somehow indirectly that I don't accept that kind of thing.

5 Name: Amung : 2008-09-01 16:04 ID:9iFePS3p

LOL. I also met a girl on the net and we chatted for over 9 years and she's living in different country. She had plans to visit me but no money. Just few weeks ago, i felt that it was not worth the effort to keep the relationship cuz she kept bitching about her break up. So I just sent a good bye message and went off.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 16:06 ID:aqP/pC8D

You have nothing to worry about. When you post stuff on the internet, it's public, everyone can (and maybe will) read it - you have to be aware of that, even if you use a nickname.
If she thinks her blog is "private" or anonymous just because of using a nickname, she's pretty naive.

You should tell her that you feel hurt and betrayed (you have all the right to), but maybe try not to get too emotional and dramatic. Because as you already said - ending a relationship because of this would be a bit ridiculous.
Tell her that you don't feel good about her meeting him with her feelings and plans being so unclear.
I hope she is mature enough to understand and make the best choice for your relationship.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 18:14 ID:hezJjQQL

"Internet crushes" are highly unpredictable. You really ought to talk to her.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 20:40 ID:sCYFz7TR

I'll wait a bit if she decides to forget about him completely. If not then I'll have to bring this up, at least before we move in together. Another thing I'm afraid of is that she will take it TOO hard, but I can't pretend going on like I don't know anything and she has brought it onto herself.

9 Name: Mr. no name : 2008-09-02 06:14 ID:8oep/MQd

>>8

Nice plan^^ Hope that it will turn out alright in the end.

10 Name: kawa : 2008-09-02 06:24 ID:aOtzIkcy

really? why was it a bad experience? it would be nice to read about others experiences.

11 Name: Mr. no name : 2008-09-02 09:27 ID:8oep/MQd

>>10

I don't want to talk about it right now...hope you can understand.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-02 20:04 ID:sCYFz7TR

Things have taken a weird turn. She was sitting next to me when I was checking my e-mail and there was a bit misleading mail from my Japanese friend who doesn't write proper English. The sentence she saw from the message could imply that there is something going on with me and that person. She didn't tell me this, but she wrote about it on another site. Now she is suspecting me of the very same thing. Now she probably knows how I feel. It's kinda funny and yet not so funny LOL

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-02 21:38 ID:dpkLoCGK

>>12
Talk to her about it asap. Don't let her overthink stuff. Communicate, dammit! that's what couples are supposed to do!

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-03 01:15 ID:hK9FG+/v

if its driving you insane, bring it up, but dont lay down an ultimatum if you have any intention of keeping her. if you try to make it a confrontation it wont work out for you, i promise. you guys are still pretty young, so maybe youre just fooling around and it doesnt matter too much, but if shes the one, you have to trust her. get rid of her when that trust is betrayed, not before.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-03 03:26 ID:wvae69IH

you're both overly suspicious and it probably won't work. i'd cut it off, but you probably won't take the advice

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-03 07:01 ID:8eD/pgqh

I think you can make it work, but like >>13 said, talk to her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If you don't, she's just gonna worry and worry and lose her confidence in you. Hurry!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-03 08:50 ID:sCYFz7TR

Ok, I pushed SEND and I hope all hell doesn't break loose now and things work for the best.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-03 10:19 ID:Heaven

Don't let her delude herself into thinking that she should go visit the guy because of, well, a delusion that you're unfaithful. I somewhat agree with >>15.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.