it's been 6 months since my ex-boyfriend and i went our separate ways, we called it a mutual breakup, but in reality.. i handed him over to another girl, and he broke my heart.
extremely long story short:
we met each other in the second year of highschool, we were both in the same group for a project and became pretty good friends, and ended up falling for each other. He asked me out once, but it didn't work out and a week later we broke up, that one was my call. It took us a while, but eventually about half a year later we became really good friends again.
during our senior year, the spark came back and we both felt it but we were both afraid that it might screw up again, but we did it, we got back together. With him, everything felt like a.. love story, there was drama, but he definetly felt like 'the one' because he was the only one to make me feel right, but you see i'm a really closed type of person, so even though i wanted to.. i was never able to really tell him how i felt or let him into my little world because i just didnt know how.. and him, well he's really naive in a sweet way, i was his first girlfriend and he didn't really know how to act either.
So anyways i went to university away from home, but he stayed. It was a long distance relationship. At first it was fine, he was the support that i needed mentally to survive living on my own for the first time. But as time went on, i got frustrated with him easily and well ya, simply put, i took him for granted even though he's really sweet and really cared about me. He always told me he missed me and even sent me flowers on my birthday when i couldnt make it home.
so my parents never approved of him, and during christmas they came home early and saw him there and got a bit frustrated with me, which led to me being frustrated with him. i know that was wrong. and that pushed him further and further away from me. new years was horrible, i was with him for the countdown but we never even kissed. oh and about that, we never kissed.. not even once. did i forget to mention? i have a lot of acne on my face and stupid me, i have really low self esteem because of that so I was always scared to let him close to my face. I always get scared that if we kissed, he would finally realize how disgusting i was and leave me.. silly me, that definetly backfired.. because it made him think that this relationship was going nowhere.
so when i went back to school after that, i found out that him and this other girl were flirting a lot.. and she was going to the same university as him, we didnt talk for a long time.. and when we finally did, he suggested that we break up.. what else could i have said? i knew i screwed up, so i said okay. I regreted saying that and wanted to see him again to fix it.. but a week before i went back.. i saw a picture of him and her together but apparently he didnt ask her out yet. I knew he'd be happier with her but i still wanted to see him so i did, and when i said "i'm really sorry" he had this big "oh crap" look on his face.. i knew he was scared i was going to ask him to get back with me.. i knew it was over. So i just said "i didnt mean anything by that, just that, i'm sorry for everything... and... good luck" (i meant with her) and walked away.
Now those two are really happy together, he finally asked her out and well, we havent spoken since. I know this is pointless but i miss him so much. it just feels like i lost the best thing thats ever happened to me, and its all my fault. i miss him, i miss him so much but most of all i hate myself because even to the very end.. i never got to tell him that i love him.
There really doesnt seem like a point to all this, but, you know, i just needed to get this out because it's been killing me. It's been 6 months, i thought i would've gotten over it by now.. i feel so dumb.
So anyways i went to university away from home, but he stayed. It was a long distance relationship. At first it was fine, he was the support that i needed mentally to survive living on my own for the first time. But as time went on, i got frustrated with him easily and well ya, simply put, i took him for granted even though he's really sweet and really cared about me. He always told me he missed me and even sent me flowers on my birthday when i couldnt make it home.
so my parents never approved of him, and during christmas they came home early and saw him there and got a bit frustrated with me, which led to me being frustrated with him. i know that was wrong. and that pushed him further and further away from me. new years was horrible, i was with him for the countdown but we never even kissed. oh and about that, we never kissed.. not even once. did i forget to mention? i have a lot of acne on my face and stupid me, i have really low self esteem because of that so I was always scared to let him close to my face. I always get scared that if we kissed, he would finally realize how disgusting i was and leave me.. silly me, that definetly backfired.. because it made him think that this relationship was going nowhere.
so when i went back to school after that, i found out that him and this other girl were flirting a lot.. and she was going to the same university as him, we didnt talk for a long time.. and when we finally did, he suggested that we break up.. what else could i have said? i knew i screwed up, so i said okay. I regreted saying that and wanted to see him again to fix it.. but a week before i went back.. i saw a picture of him and her together but apparently he didnt ask her out yet. I knew he'd be happier with her but i still wanted to see him so i did, and when i said "i'm really sorry" he had this big "oh crap" look on his face.. i knew he was scared i was going to ask him to get back with me.. i knew it was over. So i just said "i didnt mean anything by that, just that, i'm sorry for everything... and... good luck" (i meant with her) and walked away.
Now those two are really happy together, he finally asked her out and well, we havent spoken since. I know this is pointless but i miss him so much. it just feels like i lost the best thing thats ever happened to me, and its all my fault. i miss him, i miss him so much but most of all i hate myself because even to the very end.. i never got to tell him that i love him.
There really doesnt seem like a point to all this, but, you know, i just needed to get this out because it's been killing me. It's been 6 months, i thought i would've gotten over it by now.. i feel so dumb.
Wtf right? Well i did that because i knew he was the type that would be worried i'd be pissed off if he asked her out right after, i knew he needed closure to have the guts to do it. Wasn't that REALLY STUPID of me? i just thought.. "if you really love someone, you'll be happy as long as he's happy" silly silly me. Now those two are really happy together, he finally asked her out and well, we havent spoken since. I know this is pointless but i miss him so much. it just feels like i lost the best thing thats ever happened to me, and its all my fault. i miss him, i miss him so much but most of all i hate myself because even to the very end.. i never got to tell him that i love him.
There really doesnt seem like a point to all this, but, you know, i just needed to get this out because it's been killing me. It's been 6 months, i thought i would've gotten over it by now.. i feel so dumb.
this is my first time on this website.. i just realized that even though it doesn't show the whole message on the front page, the entire thread does... i'm sorry about the many posts, i really feel like an idiot now. and i just read the beginning.. when i said we finally 'did it' i meant we finally got back together.. again sorry, i'm a huge idiot.
We are all huge idiots.
I reckon you should talk to him just to let him know what you feel. Even though it seems you wont get anything out of it It'll help you with the burden. You don't need to talk to him, just send an e-mail or a letter.
Have you tried a dermatologist?
6 months since? that's a long time. If he was so important to you, just make small talk with him for now.
If he and his girlfriend don't work out then try to be friends with him, who knows. maybe it'll work out for the two of you again. At least you know how important he is to you know.
btw, if he's known you for over 2 years he should know what's on your face. if he'd leave you for something so shallow then he's not worth it. and if you're too self-conscious about it then yea, >>5 said. dermatologist :P or use neutrogena, the 3 bottle set
how important he is to you now*
sorry, it's midnight and i can barely read what i type.
Reiteration: We are all idiots.
But don't hate yourself for it. It's good that you recognized your mistakes; even though the relationship didn't go the way you wanted, you still learned a lot about yourself. As long as you acknowledge this, you'll be able to grow.
Six months is a long time to try to get over someone... So maybe you should try talking to him sometime. Make sure it's clear that you're not implying that you want to get back together with him. Tell him everything you've told us... That is, tell him that you were afraid and that you took him for granted. You can apologize, but make sure you thank him. You guys can decide whether or not you should keep contact with each other.
Don't worry, he's not the only guy out there who was made for you. It might take a while for you to find someone, but there are plenty of sweet guys out there, I promise. Just be confident and strong! When you find yourself in another relationship in the future, remember what you learned about yourself. That way, you'll be able to be more honest with yourself which, in turn, will make both you and your partner happier in that relationship.
Sounds like you're a hard nut to crack. He gave up.
The key to getting a guy is to flirt with him, but ONLY with him. Lot of sociable girls make the mistake of flirting with every guy which backfires.
In the end, you were and probably are not yet ready for a serious relationship. I know your peers have or claim to have these relationships, but you must accept that you are a late bloomer in this aspect. It will come with time though.
thank you all for reading this and thank you more for replying with such thoughtfulness, it really put a smile on my face
I really have considered talking to him again, that is, i really really want to.. but the thing is, after we broke up, I deleted him from msn because i knew i wouldn't be able to handle it if i saw his nicknames saying "i love you" or "i miss you" to her.. so if i wanted to talk to him again, i'd have to add him and he'd know that i deleted him in the first place which really wouldn't help out much of the awkwardness
i know that 6 months should've been more than enough time.. even sitting here right now i'm wondering what's holding me back. when i see girls in movies dwell like this i used to think they were ridiculous, i would've never imagined myself to become one. And the thing is, i don't really spend all my time crying over him or anything.. just when i have spare time on my hands, i remember him and A LOT of things easily remind me of him and start thinking about him again..
it was just the craziest thing, while i was with him, i completely forgot the things we had been through to finally be able to get together in this relationship. all the jokes, all the moments, even some of the feelings that occured in that 'i have a crush on you' phase.. it wasn't til we broke up that i started remembering, piece by piece all the reasons why i hold him so dear. That, was what slapped me in the face to help me realize how much of a jerk i was and how much i took him for granted. I definetly know this helped me learn so much, and i feel like i'm finally ready to be in a real relationship
p.s. as for the dermatologist advice, since i got together with him the second time i've been working really hard to improve my face for him, and even though it's not completely spot-free, i'm still pretty confident with my face now :) in a way being with him was bad because it made me so much more self-concious, but he made me improve myself a lot too
part of his confession to me the second time, he said "I would never want us to go back to that awkward phase again, I hope this wont ruin our friendship because i value it very much. It really was hard being friends with you again and I would never trade it for anything in the world." he also said "I can't imagine not having someone so important out of my life" well.. right now i'm living it but i still can't imagine having him out of my life, but i'm scared that if i let him back in.. i wont ever be able to fully get over him, that i might fall back a step from what i've worked so hard to get over these last 6 months
i overlooked this thread a few times cause i didnt like the title. fairly entertaining thread.
just a couple of points. if he really means a lot to you, stay in touch. but by stay in touch i mean, a semi-regular email and a very rare phonecall. semi-regular IM's would be okay, but you mentioned you dont even want to talk to him on msn, which is fine and good imo. the last thing you want is to appear desperate in any way. but if you want to keep your options open, its important to check up once every few months or so.
the fact is, he may really like whoever he's with now, but at the age you guys are at, the chances are just so much against him sticking with her that you have plenty good chance to get back together with him as long as you keep the connection alive.
but consider the flip side of that as well. sure, you were in love. but was such an awkward relationship really meant to be? youre still young, theres a great chance you will find a guy who understands you much better than he did. you can fall in love more than once. having gone through a failed relationship can help in more ways than it hurts, just dont forget the lessons learned. e.g. you are now more self-conscious, which is essential for attracting the opposite sex, no matter who you are. its often said and often scoffed at by the broken-hearted, but there really are other fish in the sea.
i dont think you need it, because you seemed to take the experience to heart and i think you didnt so much need advice as to let it all out, but good luck honey.
i want to talk to him again, as a friend, more so now than anything after hearing all your opinions on this. But there's another x-factor to this story that worries me from doing so.
His current girlfriend was from our highschool until she moved away, so a lot of the people i know, she knows. I'm afraid that if i do send him an email, she'd see it or he'd tell her about it (because he's just that honest) and she'd freak out. She might think that i was trying to steal him back, which i'd completely understand, but would result in our friends hearing her version of the story, not to mention frekaing and pushing him even further away. We're not in elementary school anymore, but this kind of stuff still spreads, and i only need one headache at a time.
Originally i was going to wait until my birthday which is a few months away. I was hoping this would open the window of opportunity for us where he'd say "happy birthday" and i'd reply with a "thanks, so how have you been?" This is ridiculous, i guess i just hate the way things ended.. i just really want to find some closure, to know that we're okay, so that i can move on and finally get on with my life.