Hello all.
I'm a 20yr old female and I've never really dated. This was mostly my choice, because I had a couple oportunities but I shook them off.
The thing is, showing off afection/emotion isn't exactly a thing I do very often, and engaging on a relationship sort of scares me, because sharing my intimacy is a huge step. I guess I'm not mature enough (although this is such a lame excuse, there's plenty of people much way younger than me and already dated tons of times) - A bigger problem is the fact I'm not really sure what my sexual orientation is - I like boys, but one year ago I met this girl that totally shook my world. Couldn't get her off my mind, but very recently it has calmed down - we're not exactly friends.
After this, couple months ago I begun really liking this guy, with whom I get along awsomely well, but nothing really happened between us because neither of us decided to take it to the next step (no suggestion, hints, etc) - Or he wasn't at all interested or maybe he's like me - Has problems showing affection - I don't really know...It's all too confusing.
I'm very picky on boys. I can meet a handsome nice guy but still have no attraction to him - it has to be a very specific type.
Does any of you actually pass through all this? Any kind of explanation (I've considered tons of times being a Bi, but that doesn't explain the fear for relationships).
Any tips, advice you could give me?
You're a Bi when you're sexually attracted to both boys and girls. I am a guy and sometimes a kind of "melt inside" when I see a handsome dude, but I don't get a hardon and gay sex is a disgusting thought. So unless you get wet from thinking about that girl, I don't think you're Bi, she's just awesome.
And what is this special type the guy has to be to get you interested? Did you think about why is it this way? Maybe you once loved someone and still do, and are unconsciously looking for similar guys?
Is this kind of guy more feminine? I am so gay and I think I wouldn't mind dating a more feminine, geeky, skinny guy.
well anyway, you sound a lot like me with the whole emotion/affection thing, I've been getting a better at it though. It really just takes practice to get used to it. In my case it was really just a problem with showing weakness, I associated sharing emotions and affection with others as a sign of weakness, when it is actually a really brave thing.
>2 The special type of guy, for example, the one I had a crush on for some months is by no means feminine. He's very handsome, has this great sense of humor and is very cool. There's this special twinkle in his eye, like he's up to something, you know?
I guess that mature guys will never really appeal to me, because I'm incredibly childish most of the times (and as showing affection most of the times indicates maturity, I suck at it) - so mature guys scare me away. I couldn't date who'd take me seriously all the time. Although, yes, some times I get really annoyed if someone doesnt take me seriously at the appropriate time...
>3 I totally agree with you about the -sign of weakness- thing. I face affection like that, too. I don't like to feel weak towards a guy...to show him that he can do something to annoy me really deeply, you know? Although, ironically, at the same time I want him to know that his actions can affect me, like...that I exist too, that I'm there for him.
I do not get strong sexual desire for that girl. I kept thinking about her, that's all. She's really gorgeous and I truly respect her and admire her deeply. I just wanted that we two could be best friends, and that I could show her I'm an awsome person. I always thought this wasn't very normal...so I considered being Bi.
I mean...because most of the times I don't get much sexually attracted to guys either...maybe it's my hormones who're totally messed up or don't even exist..I truly don't get it.
Physically I don't look like I'm 20. No one would ever give me that age. The most a people can give me is 14 years old, because I have this cute little face and my body isn't exactly very well developed yet (since I was little I had to take many medecines because my health was really weak...it still is, actually, so the medecines I took retarted my development...you think that has anything to do with my personality, too?)
Maybe.
>and as showing affection most of the times indicates maturity
Actually, little girls (think 5 year old) show affection toward me at least completely carelessly. They just come up to me and hug or "kiss" me like it was nothing out of ordinary.
Older girls though get embarassed and shy and conceal it. Then later, adult women are all different, some show affection freely but many don't, they are mostly neurotic though.
...Anyway what kind of medicine is that keeping back growth? I didn't know this existed.... Are your parents doctors or something?
WTF does "ambiguation" means?
"Without clear meaning"
>6
My parents arent doctors. I had many alergy and asma when I was only 2 years old, so from that point on, I had to take medecine (obviously indicated to those problems, no kind of weird experiences, whatsoever you might be thinking), just the regular medecine you need to take to control the alergy and asma. Taking these kind of medecine since you're very young, my doctor said once, can very possible make my growing process more slow.
Okay, "Janey".
Whatever.
Do you realize that you are breaking the hearts of many boys and men in the process of doing what you are?
And that you are getting nowhere? If you don't like showing affection, then don't. If you would like to, but can't, well then you just need to collect some courage and gain experience.
I attempted to approach a girl with deep similarities to you years ago, and it drove me insane. I loved her and she told her girlsfriends she loves me, they told me. But she was cold and emotionless with me.
She was so stunningly beautiful I couldn't forget her for a long time, and refused multiple girls. More importantly I refused happiness.
Don't fall into the same mistake ...!! Ok?
If you're happy this way, then fine. If you are not, I guess that's why you post, then you need to learn how to put up with reality. If you sit around waiting for a boy who perfectly matches your "type", chances are you will never find him...
You should have tried harder with her. Seriously.
>>11
Did she tell you that? Because it's true I wasn't really trying very hard. But when I tried to give her a goodbye kiss, on the cheek, after a slightly weird "date", she backed away...
What should have I done? I thought about forcing some body contact, grabbing her and holding on strongly... a hug... but I knew she would at the least stay motionless and suffer through it, or try to get away. And I don't know if that would of been manly or frightening to her.
Plus yes I am somewhat lazy, more used to girls who randomly lean on my shoulders or excitingly close to my mouth with theirs while talking about tiny nothings.
I rejected such girls because I loved Her, but didn't try hard enough with her. My failure, I admit that.
Guys, I know that being the way I am doesn't make things easier if a guy likes me and wants something with me.
But this is also a way of finding out if the guy really is interested on not - I guess I don't open myself very much because if I give too much away, it might ruin things, mainly if:
1- He's not interested at all
2- He isn't looking for a serious relationship
If this guy I really liked was into me, he should've showed it - but he didn't - well, neither did I, but generally, and, at least, on my point of view, boys should be the ones approaching us first, although to you this may sound a bit old-fashioned, but thats how I work.
I mean, he didn't give any specific or obvious hint that he liked me more than just a friend, you know? How could I dare to show affection to him then?
I know - it's a risk that's worth taking...but I don't seriously like the idea of giving my self away to a guy that I don't know if he likes me or not.
Well, as someone who is in the same situation from the opposite side, I would like to say that honestly I think you're expecting a bit too much. I hate to sound mean, but I'm telling you the truth. I know it may not be applicable, but as a guy in a relationship of this sort, he's probably thinking along the same lines as me.
I'm 20, and interested in this girl, we've been hanging out with each other for about 6 months, getting along amazingly, but she's not really showing much in the way of any signs that she likes me. For all I know, she may just view me as a friend. I'm a fairly nerdy guy, and as a result life has basically conditioned me to think that no girl is truly interested in me. We click well, we see each other a few times a week, and I really like her. Unfortunately, I just can't bring myself to make any sort of move. I know I really should make a move... but I just can't bring myself too.
Now, I'm not saying that you should be the only one making a move Janey, but honestly, chances are he's interested in you and too scared to do anything as well. I would bet that if you would at least maybe meet him in the middle, you'd probably see better results.
>>13
"Janey" sorry but if a guy is shy or expects you to show interest in him too, it means he loves you and wants a honest relationship. You want a guy who doesn't care whether you want him or not and who nevertheless forces him on you? Fine, but that's asking to be used because such guys only want your body. But you will soon learn that.
As far as for being Bi, let me tell you... affection doesn't recognize sex. There is one girl that I melt for, but other then her I'm straight. I have a female friend who is dating a girl because she loves the girl so much that she makes an exception on her heterosexuality. Don't label yourself Bi over one girl.
As for the guy you like, it is best to either be more straightforward in flirting with him, or just be direct. I can tell from flirting if a guy likes me or not. Sometimes I can just tell by his body language without flirting with him. You can just see how they react through their body language. But if that's too vague for you just try talking to him. You can be direct without being pushy. Just be honest and see what he says. If he doesn't like you then all ambiguity disappears and you don't have to have it gnaw on your mind. Good luck!
>14 I'm 20, and interested in this girl, we've been hanging out with each other for about 6 months, getting along amazingly, but she's not really showing much in the way of any signs that she likes me. For all I know, she may just view me as a friend.
Well, I wish that would be his case, honestly. But how am I suposed to find out? We could be stuck like this forever.
The thing that holds me back more is the fact that he lives far away from college and from me, and the only part that I know him its when he's hanging out with me and some other colleagues. The part of him that lives where he lives I don't know at all - I don't know many personal things about him ... I at least speak a lot of things that happens to me, and sometimes try to ask some stuff too but he always manages to snake away from the question, and I respect that - probably he has a difficult life, since he misses most of the classes.
And when he doesn't, that's when we spend time together.
Another thing is just that he makes me believe that he would go to the cinema with any other girl just because they want to go with him - he's that kind of guy, who's nice to everyone, so as you see it's pretty difficult to see if he hangs out with me just because we get along.
>16 affection doesn't recognize sex. There is one girl that I melt for, but other then her I'm straight. I have a female friend who is dating a girl because she loves the girl so much that she makes an exception on her heterosexuality. Don't label yourself Bi over one girl.
Thank you, that definetely helped me to clear up my thoughts =)
There's more to a romantic relationship than going to the cinema. Most people would go with pretty much anybody to the movies... I now think you're just simply 14 in your head too...
This is not an attack... I wish I could stay childminded forever...
♡, That guy...
>18 I do not think a romantic relationship is only going to the cinema - I was only saying the stuff we do together, and since we're not even on a romantic relationship, you got it quite wrong.
But that's about what we do. If we eventually hooked up together we'd obviously do other things. But we're not.
Other than that, you're right. Personality-wise I'm still 14. But I do know that a relationship is more than going out to the cinema.
...Goldie, is that you?
OP, you totally remind me of someone I know at the very least.
sounds like your the perfect legal loli.
give me a date alright op?
i will show you what men are made of!
>20 OP, you totally remind me of someone I know at the very least.
-Really? I wish I could know people that were similar to me, because everyone I know (people that are way younger, too) are more mature than me and never enjoy and understand fully when something's really hillarious - It's like I have fun all by myself.
>21 sounds like your the perfect legal loli.
I'm not familiar with that expression but I guess it's a good thing - thanks *
Yeah um I too know a girl who is very very similar to you. So much so that I think it's you, she's been stalking me before so it's possible. If not, rest assured there's someone else just like you out there.
And a legal loli IZ U.. a girl above age of consent who nevertheless acts, looks and thinks like a preteen. "It's nice, I like!" -Borat
If it's really you I miss you so much, hopefully we will see each other soon!
So it was you, haha :^D Awesome.
Details plz. Looks like things are getting more interesting.
Also :^)
bamp for unintentional sage