Ok so I met this girl, at an anime convention... (I know, I know)
The thing is we really hit it off in a big way, she lives really far away so we both went home feeling fuzzy and warm and we now talk to each other all the time online, all really great stuff.
Now here is the rub: I am 21 and she is 16, while this is not a legal issue we realised while planning a trip for me to come and visit her that there is no way I can lie to her parents about my age, I just can't do it. She has already told them I am 19. I have asked her to speak to her mother before I come and see her as I just can't be dishonest and I don't feel comfortable coming into their home and lying.
Worst that can happen is we are never allowed to see each other, which would really suck, the whole fact she lives with her parents is a total reality check... WTF DO I DOOOO?
TL;DR: 21 year old guy with 16 year old girl, will the parents murder me when they find out?
Tell them upfront and honestly, it was their daughter who lied to them not you. If they hold it against you than they're unreasonable. They CAN deny you access to their daughter but they could do that if they thought you were 19, seeing as how they didn't another 2 years shouldn't mess them up terribly. Explain everything, how you met their daughter, what your intentions are, everything. Be upfront and forthcoming and I seriously doubt they'll have problems with you.
If they do have problems with you I'm sorry to say that her family may not be the best for you to become involved with anyway.
Do u just want to f-ck and control her because she's young or Do you truly love and respect her? O_________o
OP here.
>>2 Thanks, good advice, she is telling her mother today, I think it is better she tells them herself before I come meet them, and I think / really hope she will understand...
>>3 The latter, I never intended it to happen, she made a move on me and it was amazing. I haven't been with a girl for ages and I haven't felt like this about anyone for many years. I am not the dominant male type, I want to care for her and protect her and for her to do the same for me...
>>5 thanks... waiting for the result has made today one of the worst days I have had in ages... I will post later when I find out what the verdict is... scared
You are the first guy I've heard of that is an adult that is actually talking to the parents. You have my absolute respect, even if they do not approve.
>>7 Well I am not talking to them directly yet, they know about me and agreed to let me come and stay (based on the fact I am 19). There is no way I can come into their home and lie face so I have asked her to tell them the truth and explain that I knew she lied and I just wasn't comfortable with that, which is the right thing to do... I think... I really hope they don't freak out, I really want to meet them and obviously I want to see where this relationship will go, cos their is something very significant going on between us, and whatever that maybe is pure awesome!
I really don't want to have to sneak around as I do not feel it will do the relationship any good...
Sorry, long post is long... bleh!
This is the girl.
(: It went really well, and my mum understood totally.
But we're going to still keep it from my father, who's a bit .. erh. He wouldn't think it was good. So my mum thinks it's alright. She's glad I told her and still thinks that he's a lovely guy. (which you can tell he is by just reading) I'm SO happy~ it's unbelievable.
>>9 Waaaaaaaaaaaaai! This is like the best news ever! So much drama and it all turned out fine, the moral here kids is don't lie, it just makes things complicated. The bit about your father is a little scary but right now I don't care, as we said if the mother is happy the father has to go along with it... I can't wait to come and see you!!! xXx
And thank you channel4 for making a very worrying time a little easier!
Well congratulations. I hope everything works out for you two for the best. Don't worry about your dad, my mom did the same sort of thing when we were young. If your mom feels it's for the best, go with it.
I am happy for you.
I'm a 22 year old girl and am involved with a guy twice my age. I was afraid of what my mother would think.
I talked about him a lot but didn't really go into detail. Then one day, she started asking questions.
"So, you guys work at the same place?"
"Yep. That's where we met. We realized we had some common interests in uncommon things, and became friends."
"[More Questions, and then...] So, what's he look like? Is he tall or short?"
"Tall. And incredibly thin."
"Does he wear glasses?"
"Yeah. <3"
"What color are his eyes?"
"Brown."
"What color is his hair?"
"Uhh, brown....with a little bit of gray..."
"What?"
"Uhh--"
"How old is he?"
"Ehh, forty-four...? Errr..."
"Ah."
And after a bit,
"Well, if it's meant to happen, then it's meant to happen."
And that was that. They have yet to meet as there's some geographical distance between my mother and I (and him), but I tell her about things we've done together and things he's said, and she seems to have warmed up to the idea of me dating someone her age because at the core of it all, there's absolutely no reason that age should matter (as long as everyone involved is truly mature enough to handle whatever level the relationship is at). In OP's case, the girl isn't quite what most people would consider an adult, but she's not exactly a child either, and the OP sincerely sounds as though he cares about her as a person, and she sounds like she feels just the same about him. That's healthy and good for both people involved.
I suppose my personal example is a bit of an extreme, but what I'm getting at is that as long both parties are genuine in caring about each other and as long as both parties are comfortable with the nature of the relationship, then age should be the last thing you worry about. If you connect on a mental and emotional level and really click, then to hell with the worthless numbers. I think what my mother meant when she spoke to me was that if it's love, it's love, and as long as it's really love, the little details really don't matter.
Anyway, hooray for OP and The Girl. And hooray for an understanding mother! Best of luck with the father. With "mom" on your side, though, you ought to be just fine. Yay.
Just a quick update: things seem to be going well, the father knows now and doesn't really approve but apparently he wouldn't approve no matter what my age... The mother is just basically taking the stance that it is none of his business and that seems to mean he has to deal with it. The question now is how do I make the father like me? I am pretty sure that once he meets me and realises i am not some random pervert it will be ok... I have a couple of weeks until I meet him.
Be yourself, laugh if you think something's funny, tilt your head if you think something's sad.
Just be like "whatever, I like this girl, and you're not getting in my way".