I'm emotionally a coward (6)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-25 21:12 ID:BlCAgDZN

I do know that there's many, many people around who doesn't like to show affection, or would like to, but they don't do it because they naturally can't.

That's my problem. It never really bothered during my whole life, because nevertheless I wasn't exactly the friend who who'd show affection emotionally, like giving hugs or squeezing hands, etc, people always liked me for the way I am.
But lately this "problem" has been bothering me very much, because I finally met the perfect guy but can't show him how I feel..Although telling him directly isn't a very good option...firstly because I would never do it, and things might go wrong...
So I want to show affection to him, sort of indirectly, like small touches, long glances, etc, but I can't. It's like I'm a robot and all my movements are limited, you know?
I think it's the way he and the other people will react that sort of freaks me out - people know how I behave normally, and if all of a sudden I begin being affectionate, people will notice right away and wonder what's going, and figure out I like him and come to me and annoy me with it - and I don't want that - I want peace on my intimacy, I don't want to walk around as if I was carrying a huge banner saying: "HI, THIS IS THE GUY I LIKE --->"
I don't feel comfortable with that.
The problem is that he's affectionate with pratically everybody - he gives small touches to everybody - REALLY! It's not usual, but he's like that. Like...we're a group of 3 girls, and he's with has having some coffee between classes, just hanging out, and he's the kind of guy who gives small touches like it's his routine - so you can see he's exactly the oposite of me in this particular thing.
If he's like this with everyone, how can I possibly know if he's interested on me? The way I see it, he's interested in everyone!

I don't know what to do...everytime I'm with him I have great fun, I try responding to his touches but it's very rare, and if I do, is something almost invisible. And when he touches anyone else I just sulk and stop talking for a long time - yes, very mature...

So what exactly do I do? I know I should try to be more expressive and show a little bit more my emotions - slowly - but ... he's hard to read...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-25 22:06 ID:jhnlYg6r

You're doomed. j/k

Make the first move and corner him or drag him to some place private, hell, use a cell/IM. If it feels awkward, ignore that feeling and spill your mind.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-25 23:05 ID:BlCAgDZN

OP here

It feels terribly awkard because I'm like this since I was born, and changing all of a sudden requires more strengh than you think.
We've been alone a couple times, but the thing is that it's not just public affection that I'm afraid of. It's in general, really. It's not like I lack emotions - I've got them all trapped inside of me - I'm incredibly romantic and sensible, I'm perfectly aware of that. But exposing feelings is like throwing myself into a pool fool of crocodiles.
But you're right, my only choice is to get to him only when we're alone - I just don't know where to start, what to say (something NOT too direct, I really don't want to ruin our friendship because I said something too bold) or what to do.

4 Name: bingo : 2008-09-26 02:03 ID:CJrq+7aL

Hmm, it's like you can either choose jumping in and spill your gutz or try to gradually learn to open up. Maybe you could try telling your friends you want to learn how to be more open with physical contact and start small. An example might be placing your hand on people's shoulders or greeting your close friends with a hug that might feel slightly awkward but not too awkward to you.

I guess you could see it as going into a cold pool. It feels warmer and fun to play in after a while, but you can either choose to jump in or slowly climb in. Each one feels uncomfortable at first, but you have to pick whether you want to adjust rapidly and shock your system or slowly and taking longer to adjust.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 18:41 ID:jhnlYg6r

>>5
If you put it that way, then do it slowly and work on your first priority: Getting noticed and gaining self esteem. >>4's advice is good.

With him and your friends try to participate more in the conversations they are having. If you find time with him (this includes phone calls, IMs, text messaging and general 1 on 1 talk), just start up a small conversation on your interests, his interests, things that are happening, etc.. Start out with a phone call (it's best in your situation); if you hit voice mail, ask him if he could call you back and chat for a bit later on.

You'll eventually want to confess sometime in the future (where you can get in a normal conversation and know him better), that's where >>2 would come in (if there's stress, it feels better just to get it out).

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 22:43 ID:CV0Q8FfN

OP, don't bother. Guys usually want among other things SEX from a relationship, how are you going to be able to let him fuck you when you are even freaked out about the idea of touching his hand?

Wait a few years until you grow up...

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