I kept searching for websites I know he visited looking for some sign of life and it turns out he was online in an aim account yesterday, and in some other places he was online recently too.

I don't get what it means. Why is he doing this? I didn't want to hurt him, but I couldn't continue with a false relationship. I mean, I could, but it didn't feel right. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Or I should have said something sooner.
Should I try to contact him? It's obvious he doesn't want me to know he's alive huh...

This hurts and confuses me. I didn't notice until now he left a message two or three days ago in the website we met on, saying he's sorry he wasn't good enough for me even though I treated him so horribly; telling me to enjoy a life I don't deserve and to keep the promise about him being the last guy in my life.

This sucks. I don't even feel like I should post this, it feels like I'm just whining when I shouldn't whine. I provoked all of this. I should deal with it, or at least that's how it feels, and how he thinks it should be. I didn't mean to hurt him...