lame guy need help.. (36)

1 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-18 14:23 ID:A6fIzl22

it's all started like several years ago. i met a very gorgeous girl. everyweek after that, i had the chance to meet her. (literally once a week, so 52x per year, for only 2 hours at most)

well, i immediately fell for her, but unable to do anything but only to see her. the reason is, she is always with her family when i meet her. i cann't just barge in and say "hi, may i know you?".

some years later, i actually had the chance to be acquaintance with her in an event. But, i was too coward. Until the event finished, i cann't manage to talk to her. But i didn't go empty handed, i finally got her name.

i found her profile in an social network site, add her as friend, then just do nothing but to read her through the comments and profile.

a few days ago, this burden has taken it's toll, i decided to write a message to her, telling all of the story between i and her.

i was hoping that she would just read it and replied me plainly or even negatively is just fine. i just tried to end the anxiety that burden me recently.

but sometimes the fact is better than reality. she replied nicely and said to me "let's be friend". it's like giving me hope to be at least her friend.

furthermore, i asked for her msn address and she gave it to me. the problem is, she rarely gets online, thus it's hard for me to communicate with her.

i don't really know what to do as this anxiety is even getting worse.

any kind of help is appreaciated.. please..

2 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-18 14:26 ID:A6fIzl22

sorry if the post is too long, i am new guy here.. (well to be truth to u guys, i have just watched densha otoko, that i found place like this)

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-18 16:34 ID:bKXRMh8N

First of all, you obsessed over a girl that you never knew for years? Wow.

Just ask her out to a date or something.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-18 20:58 ID:cS6ClFxB

This looks promising, more than I would have thought at first sight,... She seems receptive, so why don't you have some mail exchanges before trying to have her on the phone or meet her?

If you checked her site you may know of some interests, discuss them and ask for more info about her. Do take care to provide some info about yourself, it's important that she starts to know who you are.

You already did the hardest part, now you just have to persist. Keep us posted, and please don't ask her immediately for a date, that's really imposing on her.

5 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-19 04:22 ID:DDILNQ6d

well, you may called me obsessive lol, it took me 6 years to completely forget a girl that i like before her.

for checking her site, it is my daily routine, so no worry about that :D i have asked for her msn, but she rarely gets online. (or she does, but appear offline, maybe, i deduct this because she has a lot of emoticons)

maybe i should send messages through her site? but then what should i say to her? is asking the time when she usually gets online offensive? she posted an angry shoutout in her profile yesterday, someone has been giving a comment of her sister photo which i don't know (the photo was already deleted when i saw the profile), but sure it did upset her. i am afraid she thinks i am the culprit :S ...

things are getting even messier T_T

6 Name: buzzbros2002 : 2008-10-19 09:05 ID:SgeYw+dl

Well, first if i was you i'd start sending her a few messages, just making small talk. Then hang out with her a bit and see how the chemistry works. good luck!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 10:57 ID:Heaven

I still have a crush on a girl who I met when I was 16 (I'm now 30) and I haven't seen her since then. So rest assured, 6 years is nothing.

To complete this flawless "victory", let me also note that this is after calling her and finally confessing at the 7 year mark, and her claiming during that phone call to have found someone to marry. It didn't stop me, it just made it hurt more. I'm not saying I didn't love others in the time after, but I would definitely crawl over hot coals to see her again, if it were only that easy.

8 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-19 13:13 ID:gEOY+Z3X

>>7

ah..that's actually what scares me too.
all of this is started as i cann't hold it anymore, that's why i sent her the message.
however, from my observation, there is someone who is already close to her too. Plus lately there are more "competitors" as can bee seen from her site (with better position than myself assured).
it is already good that i can be her friend. the question is, can i do it? communicating with her is as hard as hell.
(i read a comment made to her other friend said that she actually become seldom to get online nowdays)
another fact, her parents are the "protective" type. also, it is uncommon here to ask someone out, unless you know her very well, or she has interest with you.

my desperation has even increased..

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 13:31 ID:cS6ClFxB

Seems to me you are using distractions (worrying about the website, competitors, etc) to avoid facing the hard stuff, which is to get to know her.

Worrying about competitors is stupid, because 1) there will always be competitors, you're not the only man on Earth 2) what matters is the state of your relationship with her, not how your competitors are doing.

For the moment, your priority should be to design a way of meeting her, since she is so seldom online,... Often the best way is the most straightforward: just ask her directly about doing stuff together, the particulars of which depending on your common tastes.

10 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-19 15:58 ID:gEOY+Z3X

i guess i am really lame..

straightforward stuff ain't gonna work here. i am a 100% stranger to her. meeting her directly will also be no good(although i know where she lives and where her school at)

just chatted with her, but she pretty much wrap it up really fast (showing no interest at all, very short answers, then suddenly offline/appear offline)

i think even i was able to chat to her because i appear offline (that's my habit :p)

this getting me even depressed.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 17:47 ID:bKXRMh8N

Try to use your stalking habits to find her favorite hobby. Then try to talk to her in relation to it, maybe she'll actually talk to you then.

Oh, and make sure you DO NOT show any signs of obsession/desperation. In fact, try to show yourself as apathetic to her so you don't push her away. In other words, pretend you don't like her when you talk to her or she'll grow distant to you since she doesn't know you.

12 Name: buzzbros2002 : 2008-10-19 19:23 ID:SgeYw+dl

I agree, it would diffinately be a good idea to try to find some of her hobbies. But you must remember also to actually know something about it. This doesn't mean to get all technical about it from the start, but just in case she does you have something to fall back on information wise.

13 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-20 01:25 ID:YqA0rLS3

thanks guys..

i think i made that mistake yesterday. i talked to her about a movie, which actually she didn't like (then she went off/appear off)

i am going to try to talk about her hobby next time i saw her online! (patience patience patience !!!!)

thanks a lot!

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 02:05 ID:fqd1wTdB

Isn't this self-torture. If you met in real life, you could know if she is interested (eye contact), she won't be busy with other things because she is exclusively meeting you, and if she wants to suddenly go off you can grab her hand.

But online, you can't do anything. You are her robot talkpuppy with convenient on/off switch.

15 Name: buzzbros2002 : 2008-10-20 02:20 ID:SgeYw+dl

Personally, i say do your best to talk to her face to face asap. or at least on the phone.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 04:41 ID:bKXRMh8N

>>14>>15

Both speak the truth.

17 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-20 09:34 ID:yCtGXmS8

.... not that easy....
well if this is not torturing, i won't write in here..
i mean if i ask her to meet with me personally, it will be 1000000% guaranteed rejection. I am a complete stranger, who want to meet with a complete stranger? then again, does she have any reason to meet me?
about meeting her in real life, as i has explained before, every time i meet her, she is with her family. It's completely idiotic to grab her away and talk to her, i will face resistance from her parents, as i have said above, they looked like kind of the "protective" type
getting phone number is also impossible, it's also uncommon here to give phone number to stranger. that will make her hate me. as for now i can see that she has begun to distance herself away from me, while what i do is only chat with her for like 3 times with no more than 5 minutes each. (being impulsive not gonna work here)
then again, to be completely shut off from her is something that i actually don't want. being her friend is good enough i guess. i think i must endure this a bit longer. sounds idiotic ? T_T

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 12:07 ID:cS6ClFxB

>about meeting her in real life, as i has explained before, every time i meet her, she is with her family.

Engineer your opportunity of meeting her without her family. You were supplied with a brain, use it. Gather intelligence: To which school does she go, activities, etc. Who does she knows, do you know these people?

The problems you mention are nothing special, and did not stop many people. Why should they stop you. Just try different things, overtime something will work that will allow you to get into contact with her. Don't just sit there doing nothing about it.

19 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-20 12:13 ID:yCtGXmS8

guys.. i think i have found what i must do. it will be a long process maybe painful, but i guess this is the best for I and she. the thing is, if i trully love her, all that matter is her hapiness and comfort.

thanks for all the advices, if there is any progress, i will say it.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 13:16 ID:sJSptG0D

I'm curious, what is it that you must do?

Also, good luck with winning her heart, if possible.

21 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-20 16:04 ID:yCtGXmS8

the only thing that i can do :D, turns out to be the best way :D

call it lame, but from where i am from, impulsive,aggressive way will only makes her hates me and distanced us. (don't tell me to gather intelligence, i have enough i think :D)

i will try only to greet her each time she is online and nothing more. i don't really think it's nice to force people to talk to u right? (how do u feel when some complete stranger try to talk a lot with you, asking stuffs?)
i will wait until she want to say something to me, hopefully. at least for now, let my existence to be familiar to her.

as it's even worse now, i saw her online then upon seeing me online(i changed from appear off to on), then she changed to offline (appear offline i assumed)

so that's all for now, just wish me luck ^^ thanks ^^

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 22:48 ID:fqd1wTdB

By way of, where are you from?

23 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-21 00:56 ID:JW+uDGtF

one of the country in south east asia...

well, call this "asiatic" culture.

anyway i am feeling much better now :D , 'coz i know what should i do ^^ .

24 Name: buzzbros2002 : 2008-10-21 06:26 ID:SgeYw+dl

well, i wish you luck! keep up posted

25 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-28 01:11 ID:22r9RO++

i guess it's over now haha..

i have been offline messanging her every single day for a week or so , without any reply...

furthermore, she put a "disgusted" emoticon in her site.

i am now asking via message to her site whether she is disturbed by my offline messages, she did not even reply.

i guess it is time to move on haha..

thanks guys..

26 Name: kamikaze lobster : 2008-10-28 05:05 ID:KuUu/Hyf

no wait!!! are you sure she is implying it to u?

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-28 05:09 ID:KuUu/Hyf

no no!! don't! r u sure she is directing it at u? if not this could be your chance if she's having a problem help her through it chicks dig the sensitive guys man trust me.

28 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-28 11:25 ID:EsMfbu4m

she is not replying my apology message regarding my offline messages.

her profile has just been updated and thus she supposed to have read my message.

well anyone has a suggestion?

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-28 11:43 ID:cS6ClFxB

I suggest you stop sending her unsolicited me messages and contact her in real life.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-28 17:13 ID:Heaven

>>29 eeuhm NO. Just back off, if you do that you will come off as a stalker and then she will be disgusted. Give it a few weeks and i'm sure she will pop up on msn and start a convo with you. If not, move on..or become a stalker.

31 Name: lame-o : 2008-10-28 21:05 ID:EsMfbu4m

>>29

have you read all the posts?

contacting her real life = >>30 had said.

i contacted her via message for the first time and she gave a kind reply, but i guess it is just she didn't want hurt my feeling and didn't put any interest in me afterall.

that's why she didn't give any further respond to any of my ways in contacting her.

>>30

i guess you are right, need to stop here or be a stalker again haha..

bottom line is no hope whatsoever :D

thanks for your advices guys :D

32 Name: lame-o : 2008-10-28 21:07 ID:EsMfbu4m

bottom line is no hope whatsoever haha

So much for my happy ending... ^^

thanks 4 advices guys..

33 Name: lam-o : 2008-10-28 21:09 ID:EsMfbu4m

dang it i even wrote my name wrong haha..

34 Name: buzzbros2002 : 2008-10-29 04:50 ID:SgeYw+dl

Well, personally i think that you shouldn't have kept doing offline messaging and maybe in 2 weeks or so you should email her casually, and remember to not sound too desperate or anything

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-29 08:04 ID:r/55jFDM

i am planning to give a comment on her site (something that i never did before as i don't want to attract attention to her friends)

gonna be my last try. if she hates me then it is the end.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-29 17:47 ID:Heaven

>>35 goodluck mate.

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