I always tried to be a good girlfriend because it makes me happy to see I made someone I love happy but it just seems to blow up in my face every time. I love to cook and clean for guys that I date and I have a naturally high sex drive (usually I like more extreme sex then most of the guys I date but I try not to complain that I want more). And I always date the 'nice guy' (I don't know why but nice guys always seem to be my type I like). But the last guy I was dating said 'You're ok but I don't think this will work out'. I keep getting "You're ok but this won't work out." and I'm tired of it. The only people that seem to want to date me is older men or wanna-be rappers, who want me to be in their music video.
I'm tired of getting dumped and blind sighted by guys I'm dating, who want to dump me, and getting the same line over and over. So what do men want? When I first start dating them I get 'You're the best girlfriend' and then I get 'I don't think this will work out'. What am I doing wrong? Or is it the guys I'm dating? I see all the time my friends who treat their boyfriends like shit, stay in relationships longer then me. What do I have to do, start being a bitch? I'm just so frustrated and don't know who to ask. I know life is unfair but damn it, why do I always get fucked in the bad way? All I want is a nice guy who is chubby, smart, funny, can fix a computer and has a higher sex drive then me.
If this doesn't make any sense or has spelling errors it's probably because I'm so mad I can't even see straight.
>>All I want is a nice guy who is chubby, smart, funny, can fix a computer and has a higher sex drive then me.
possibly matches to every guy on this site.
but well to answer your question, it's hard to tell. i'm a guy and thought the same about me. and like many other guys, i always thought that girls always like macho/bad guys.
right now i found the perfect girl for me.
the solution is, that you really have to look for the right person. for example same interests, don't go straight for the look. this will also NEVER work.
and if you are still young see it as a chance to learn.
it's all i can tell about this.
sometime you will also find the right one.
People are just afraid of commitment. That's all. Nice guys are usually like that.
With that said, don't go changing yourself to start pleasing other people, because that shit will fall apart in the end. Especially don't be a bitch either, because that'll just be idiotic. Patience is the key to everything.
Be glad that you at least can look around for boyfriends; I've never had a girlfriend and I've got too much crap to do to seriously start looking for one.
Okay first things first. OP tell me if I'm right. The whole "girls like assholes who treat them like crap" is BS. What girls want is someone confident and can be someone they can follow. Nobody wants to date the guy who holds back or wouldn't be able to be the leader in the relationship.
Anyways, I don't know what is your problem, unless you are in your 30s. But I'm guessing you're young like me. Well if that is the case, then that is how dating is. You swear like you need to get married tommorow, sheesh.
There isn't enough info on your post to even hypothesize what's going on in your relationships. Maybe if you explain how were your relationships (how long did they last, did they ended because of disputes, different outlooks in life, etc)m we will perhaps be able to offer some useful comments.
So give us more data, unless you're just ranting, and you were happy enough venting your frustration.
Op here again:
No I'm not 30, I'm in my 20's and I got a good job where I can stay at home all day and make my own hours. So I usually have 3 or 4 hour work days and it leaves me really bored. So dating is some thing fun to do and I'm not looking for marriage. But my last relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back. We where going out for about 5 months and the last time we hung out, I thought it was going good, he came over to my apartment, we talked, did the gf/bf crap, had sex, he stayed over and he left to go to his classes and job. And he didn't call or text for 4 days, I thought it was normal since sometimes he gets busy with classes and he had a crappy fast food job with weird hours. So finally he texted 'I'm sorry I don't think this is going to work out you're great but this isn't working.' The couple of guys before him, I was dating for about one or two months gave me the same line. I could understand if one or two guys say it to me but almost after 6 guys, I'm starting to think something is wrong with me. I guess it's probably because I don't have to worry about college and crappy job, since all the guys I was dating where all in college, near my age or a little older and are in and out of jobs.
But I'm really trying to think of a time when I was fighting with any guy I was dating and it's hard for me to think of one. Usually we didn't go out long enough to have a big fight or we always talked it out before it became a huge problem.
That's all I can think of for more information.
What strikes me in your case is the very poor communication you have with your bfs. Usually people have at least a hint of what's going on when the relationship flounders, or get some explanation from the other. It seems in your case a deeper level of communication is lacking.
In the case of the longer relationship, did you actually talk about each other's feelings, situation, moods, dreams, worries? Seems like he was pretty much a foreigner to you, even after 5 months,... (not that it's so unusual)
Maybe you should spend a bit more time getting to know the next guy before going out with him. It's also not a bad idea to discuss about past experiences. You can see the maturity of someone by the way they talk about past relationships.
Also, is it possible that you are selecting for guys which are reserved and have trouble expressing themselves?
>>7
I guess I do pick guys who are shy, innocent guys (my last guy was even a virgin because he was to nice to ask for sex). I do remember when I did try and get to know my exes better they would get embarrassed and change the subject.
Crap.I guess I should have seen the problem when most of my exes would have little experience. But damn it that's why I find most of them attractive.
Female here...
It's very hard to find that in a guy.
I'm married and i'm only 21.
Got a guy like you want, and i felt the same as you before.
Maybe there's hope but it's seems that's imposible to have a guy smart and that have a high sex drive.
Most guys give that excuse because they feel... like tiny.
I mean, it's like "Omg, she's so horny!, i can't please her... I GIVE UP"
It creates insegurity in them, so it's very hard.
I wouldn't be happy with anything less than a girl who thinks only of me so that I may of her, anything else is paperwork. But that's just me, and I'm an elitist pseudo-intellectual... Or so my parents say.
OP, you do cleaning for guys you date? WTF! That's degrading yourself.
And yes, being a bitch and pulling them on a string might make them try to hang on longer, but won't help later.
Anyway, WTF do you want? Longterm relationships never work.
Have you ever tried befriending the guy first? That way you two could get to know each other first and appreciate the bonds that you have. Oh and I don't really know what these guys are thinking... They must be nuts to let a girl like you get away. I do think that you shouldn't make it too hard to please you. Maybe they can't keep up with your expectations or something. Maybe you should have fought to stay with them too. I don't know, I don't have much experience besides watching dramas and animes when it comes to relationships. Good luck with your guy troubles...
IMO, what men really want from woman is...
Most nice guys prefer virgins, they won't tell you. They'll fuck you and all without you knowing that they'll dump you later (they have plannned to do so ever since they knew you were not a virgin).
I know it's preposterous, but then, it can be true. Right?
ok im a guy speakin
OPfem, you sound lik a great girlfriend to hav, but judging from what i hear, your too clingy...and abit of a mother figure on them...u cook and clean, wtf...im a guy and i dont reali want a girl do stuff for me thats gonna make me look weak wit the guys, or an asshole who wants everything done by their gf's.
being too submissive to ur bf will mak ur bf get bored of u cos u mak them except everything on a silver plate, handed to them.
having a higher sex drive isn't the problem as in the end u are gonna lose it in the late 20's and the guys will alway maintain their sex drive...i dont know the kind of nice guys u look for but im neither a dickhead jock or a computer obsessed guy, and if i had a possiblity of having sex almost everyday, i wouldnt leave for anyone else as long as i know her and not some sleeper.
you seem to not give your bf enough independance or space for himself.
its not that your boyfriends were jerks, they probably felt depressed about themselves that u were spoon-feeding their needs, and no challenge was involved...and being dominated over by, in your relationship...
their will alway be problems if you make your bf feel weak or being condencended on.
well, this is just one of many views with your situation. u could get a better feed-back with your ex, if u are still in contact, as friends.
I agree in a way with Scotland. I'm a guy and what I usually want from a girl is someone who I could go to for comfort, someone who understands me and someone who would accept anything I like and so on. You sound like a nice girl, but don't baby your BFs like that. It does make the guy feel like your just a friend or mother figure, which could feel awkward, that's probably why. I think once in a while is good, but not all the time.
p.s.
stop dating faggots
OP.. are you in for long term relationships? or you just want to be in a relationship for sex? perhaps the "nice guys" want a girl who are more emotionally involved in the relationship and care? You did not mention your feelings at all, and seem somewhat detached, so it would be helpful if you share your view on this.. rather than just asking if you're normal for having all your exes dump you.
if you're bored.. instead of getting a new romantic relationship, perhaps you should just make friends instead... do you have any other friends? hanging out with them if you're bored?
if you just stay at home all the time + boyfriend, that seems very dull. and perhaps your bfs felt that way too.
and guys don't like it if you're too easy... and they move on.
>>17 may be a troll but he does have a point. Maybe you should think about raising your standards OP. Hold yourself to a high standard and you'll have the right to demand that others do the same.
wow are you like my clone!
i have the exact same issues and very similar stories, though i found a solution.
the problem is the sex drive. guys think they want a girl with a high sex drive though they get freaked out when they finally find what they want and knowing girls are supposed to fall in love from sex, more sex means more love and more love means more commitment! guys are pussy when it comes to something real and they run.
my best friend blayne and my advisor for many issues says that when you have sex with a guy (this applies for most of them) they feel like they have acheived the maximum and that no more work nbeeds to be done to impress you any firther (phone calls, etc) and then they think on it while theyre busy being boys and suddenly the word commitment dwells on them and they freak.
ive heard the same theory from many of my male friends.
i suggest you get a "fuck buddie" and make sure you reserve your sexual needs to him and be sure not to sleep with your dating partners for some time.
i FINALLY learnt this techneiqe and now have a boyfriend who is amazing, i had a "fuck buddie" behind his back for a long time so i wasnt sexually frustrated (because that affects my mood and tempers) and it took us 4months to sleep together so we had time to build on the less physical aspects, which i tend to over do .
try it out?
ps. we are now really happy and becuase i didnt sleep with him, like i normally would, there was no freaking out and we got the emotional stuff all expressed nicely and ive learnt alot about expressing myself to him now.
(just make sure he doesnt find out i was sleeping with another guy to releive myself and were good) :)
just with your "fuck buddie" make sure that they KNOW it is ONLY sex, no emotions, if you can pull that off you should see some change.
all the best
>>22
lol just imagine on ur bf's face if he finds out..hes defo ending it with u, lol
i hear this solution all the time, my friend, she manage to keep it together for like half a year.
i actaully felt sorry for the poor guy, well it turns out that bloke knew evenatully so he decided to get revenge and secretly find someone else and was seeing someone behind her back, then my mate found out about him cheating on her (not that it was his fault to begin with) so she decided to break up and she was in tears, she did it on the phone while she was happen to be with our group of friends, (the fuck buddy, is not in our group, dont know him.)
well, the thing is, dont relief your sex problem with someone else, but rather talking about the issue to your partner.
a guy will tend to do stuff out of revenege, and will go out on presumption, not evidence (jumping into conclusions) and will act like a dick if he feels his gf has done something against him.
so just talk, you need serious talks at times for understandings, relationship is about negiotating and agreement which sucks, because you cant alway have it your way.
Everyone is different. Relationship advice is generally lopsided because everyone has their own skew on the situation and everyone has different opinions and tastes?
You like to have sex alot? Great. Find a guy who REALLY like sex. Not a guy who just wants to fuck your hole 'til his wad falls out, but a guy who actually wants to make something out of it. It is certainly possible to oversex guys. I've had friends dump girls who were too crazy, even though they got fucked constantly. (I haven't quite had that problem yet :P )
Like cooking and cleaning? Find a guy who doesn't mind you being around all the time. Because you will be. Personally, I think spending a lot of time together right off the bat is a bad idea... spending every waking moment together sortof accelerates the relationship, things move too fast, quirks become grating before they've had a chance to be tolerated. Then again, I'm a guy, so maybe girls really do the whole wait-by-the-phone-the-next-day thing as per sitcoms. Are you being too clingy? Some guys don't like that. Getting "blindsided" every time isn't a good way to look at it, I think. Relationships come and go, it's a fact. Just keep trying. Sooner or later you'll find someone who is everything you want AND wants a long-term commitment. A relationship is a two-way street, to use a terrible cliche. It's not going to work unless BOTH people are happy.
Withholding sex might be a way to slow down the relationship, but I don't think its necessary as long as you're being healthy about it. You sound like you like it and you want it, if your new boyfriend does too... go for it. However, if you are willing to take it slow, for fuck's sake don't cheat on him. Learn to masturbate. The, er, relationship between love and sex is a tricky one... some people don't care, others see them, heh, intimately connected. If you really want a lasting relationship, cheating can only be counter-productive, in all but the most bizarre of circumstances.
TITS or GTFO
>>15
actually, women are said to be in their sexual prime in their 30's, whilst males are in their late teens.
and OP, i agree with >>15. u sound like a great girl, popular, active, social, good looking. naturally, the nice guys are gonna initially be hell chuffed when they get to hook up with you. but then as time progresses, they feel they can't keep up with you. you mentioned you cooked/cleaned...they could be feeling smothered by you, as well as them having an inferiority complex. it's like, she's hot, she cleans, she's social and all around too perfect perhaps?
What I really want...
I don;t have anyone in particular to relate to, and I don't associate with my (idiotic) family any longer. I need a lover and a friend (and even more importantly someone to stimulate my mind, a partner of a similar intellectual level). There's no reason why the two shouldn't go together. I need someone to spend all my time with. However I don't want a surrogate mother.
I never want to get married or have children, I want love for the sake of love, not reproduction, etc., financial stability. I'm happy passing up relationships with gold diggers and bitches (but fuck them on the way out if I can), as I know I'll be deeply happy when I find the right one.
You gotta play hard to get. You need to be a little mysterious. And never, ever put out until the guy is obsessed with you.
Is female. Has no idea what men want.
>>29
As a man that's exactly what I don't want. I'd get frustrated and angry and think she isn't interested in me, feel depressed for a week or two then move on.
Women need to be honest about their feelings. If you like a guy, tell him, just as I would be open towards a girl I liked. That helps matters immeasurably! I hate all this dillying around.