Losing my virginity... (36)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 04:30 ID:/isNmvde

Not sure if this goes into Sexuality or here, but I honestly think I'd get better responses here.

Okay, so yeah.

I'm asexual. I'm 16.

My girlfriend is not asexual. And by "not" I mean NOT. Like, she's the same as every other last hormone-raging seventeen year old girl. She has constant urges, but restrains herself out of respect for my sexual orientation. I.E. She doesn't constantly jump on me etc. etc. Whenever I tell her that I'd be willing to go through the awkwardness I'd experience during sexual contact in order to satisfy her, she tells me that she'd rather not make me awkward just for the sake of making her happy.

However, after thinking about it for a while, I realized that, as an asexual, any physical acts with my girlfriend would simply be an extension of my emotions, which are currently the only thing involved in the relationship.

I.E. Sex would basically be another way of me telling her that I love her, just in an extremely powerful way.

Now, even before this realization, we'd been on first base for a while. Heavy make out sessions. Etc. etc. That's something she can't exactly stop herself from indulging in, and I find it in myself to not be entirely disgusted by it in order to make her happy and not like, push her off me. I mean, honestly, I really can't blame her, either. Urges sometimes need to be indulged.

Once this realization came, second base has been reached. I enjoy making her happy through this, I enjoy it immensely. I enjoy hearing her breathing become erratic, hear the occasional moan of pleasure. It doesn't turn me on in anyway, shape or form, but the fact that I make her happy just makes me all warm inside. I myself get nothing physical out of this; No erection, no extreme desire to screw her brains out. I'm still asexual.

Now then, while I may not necessarily like the physical actions for the same reason everyone else does (They like it because it satisfies their physical desires, I like it because it allows me to form a closer emotional connection with my girlfriend), I still enjoy them.

However, I also value my virginity. I will admit it here and now that I enjoy flaunting the fact that while everyone around me is screwing like crazy, I manage to keep my virginity clean and pristine. Moral superiority complex, etc. etc. Needless to say, I'd feel rather disappointed if I lost the ability to put myself above others. Yes, I realize how prickish that sounds. But I am a very proud person. I'm not ashamed of that.

Sidenote: She is not a virgin. In fact, with her last boyfriend, she would have sex with him pretty much twice a day on average.

Sidenote 2: She is my second girlfriend. My first girlfriend was a whore who was just using me for sex, but only got as far as second base with me.

Ok, so yeah, L&R, what I'm basically asking is this:

Is it worth it to satisfy the overwhelming sexual desires of my girlfriend, even with my rationalization of how I would be forming a closer emotional connection with her through it, in spite of the fact that I would lose moral superiority over all of the douchebags in my school?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 05:47 ID:cfJHzDxA

I would like to contend what is moral and what isn't. Could you provide me with one reason why sexual activity is 'immoral'? Such 'morals' are in my opinion immoral'. Sex is a human thing, and as you seem to have realised partly, it is both sensually satisfying an emotionally if you are involved romantically with that person.
Morals are surely what is good. What is 'good'? In my opinion, aesthetic, sensual, emotional, and intellectual satisfaction.
I can only look upon someone who is asexual as strange, so I can give no advice regarding that.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 05:47 ID:fkcJN32E

Relationships are all about give and take and sometimes doing things that you might not really want to do.

To be sure, if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants you to rob a bank or hurt someone, that's a hard line that shouldn't be crossed. But lighter things like going to a ballet show (my last g/f was REALLY into it...) and trying to enjoy yourself there make a big difference in how a relationship grows.

In your case, sex sits right there on the border. Your girlfriend is probably going nuts thinking she'll eventually unleash the male beast within you. She must be REALLY hot for you if she's stayed this long.

If you feel good about giving her pleasure, I'd say give it a try. If you can have sex with a girl without taking any physical pleasure into account, that says a lot. If you're worried about your virginity... I dunno, try a strap-on?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 08:29 ID:iv0eAu8P

Personally, I think you should go for it. You'll
1) make her happy
2) form a closer bond with her and
3) lose your superiority complex, which will make you an overall better guy.

Win win win.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 08:54 ID:53fxGigO

Wow, I think this is the first time I've ever seen the word "asexual" used to describe a human instead of a prokaryote.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 15:21 ID:/isNmvde

OP Here:

>>5

I mean my sexual orientation. Not the composition of my genitalia.

>>2

Well, Hedonism isn't exactly one of my favourite moral philosophies.

>>3

Well, I have the physical pleasure from stimulation and ejaculation. If I didn't, I'd worry there was something actually physiologically wrong with me. However, I don't have any overwhelming "urges" or "cravings" or whatever that I feel need to be indulged in.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 23:44 ID:VWJjRGCk

get over yourself

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-18 14:16 ID:Heaven

>>6

Don't jerk it for a week, then see how you feel. :P

9 Name: OP : 2008-12-18 18:22 ID:prHu5lda

>>8

I haven't in... Three years coming up now, I think.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-18 18:42 ID:YvJSxu7J

>>9
Must have wet dreams every night. That or the next time you ejaculate your sperm will be as yellow as a buttercup.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-18 19:15 ID:VWJjRGCk

>>10
protip:
sperm production is relative to need and desire. I once temporarily lost my sexdrive for almost a year. I had two nightly emissions within the first month, then nothing for the remainder of the period. Once I got back in business however, the first load I blew off was the most massive I've ever seen. lol

12 Name: OP : 2008-12-19 18:14 ID:/isNmvde

>>10

Yes I do, actually. I tend to actually have multiple per night.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-19 19:05 ID:YPF+Blsn

There are several ways of answering this:

  • if you want to stay virgin to keep your superiority, then just stay virgin. It's obviously more important to you than your girlfriend, so just act upon it.
  • if you really are assexual (as a sexual orientation), then I think you will quickly break up with your girlfriend, simply because you have incompatible sexual orientations. Hets go out with hets, gays with gays, etc. You can stay together for years, but your relationship will never be fulfilling for both of you.

So basically it's a no brainer: keep your virginity and get ready for the end of your relationship, when she has had enough of it.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-20 02:52 ID:hi56Ckeg

Nothing wrong with having sex with your girlfriend if she's all for it!!

15 Name: OP : 2008-12-21 17:19 ID:/isNmvde

Ok, fuck it.

I'm demi.

Figured that out yesterday.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-22 19:53 ID:s26tpf1A

>>15
Demi? What's that?

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 12:57 ID:VWJjRGCk

>>16
Means he's full of shit. Nothing to see here, move along.

18 Name: OP : 2008-12-23 17:15 ID:/isNmvde

>>16

It means that I can only be physically attracted or want to have sex with someone I truly love.

Since I've never truly loved anyone before in my life, I've never figured this out until now.

>>17

And you, good sir, are a bag of douche.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 18:41 ID:6TsYHEN9

>>18

That does not make any sense. You say you have never truly loved, so how can you know that you will be sexually attracted to the person you will truly love if that has not yet happened? For all you know, that person might not elicit any sexual attraction,...

And besides, what made you have that sudden insight a few days ago?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 00:25 ID:JouHmo5W

I think you're just 16 and very confused.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 00:51 ID:6AaYxOjo

Get over yourself.

No, really.

Get the fuck over yourself.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 01:09 ID:tkqqjJ9Z

hei gais look at me i have some really rare sexuality
i am speciaaaaaal

23 Name: OP : 2008-12-24 04:47 ID:/isNmvde

>>19

facepalm.jpg

I've never truly loved anyone BEFORE this girl in my life.

>>22

Hey guys, look at me. I'm trolling a thread I don't like, which in the process bumps it, giving the OP more attention, which I don't want him to have. I'm just the little bundle of contradictions, aren't I?

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 05:38 ID:wIN7kqFY

>>21

What this guy said, except in a more polite tone.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 05:58 ID:oWzclwZz

I'm gonna have to concur with everyone else here and say that OP has a ridiculous superiority complex for someone who's just 16.

Get over yourself.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 00:21 ID:Heaven

Cosigned. You're 16 years old and as precocious as someone half your age. How can you be an asexual male with a girlfriend?

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 05:14 ID:YHjkcPXL

I'm more surprised that the OP has someone who can put up with him for long enough to go out with him.

Does she find herself superior to everyone else as well? I mean, seriously. I don't know you, but you said that you like being a virgin because it gives you a reason to feel superior to other people.

..You're a fucking dick.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 06:48 ID:oWzclwZz

There is no small amount of irony in the fact that most everyone on this board are complaining of not having a girlfriend, and it had to be the pretentious asexual asshole who not only has a girlfriend, but doesn't want to sleep with her.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 14:13 ID:Heaven

if asexual, might as we'll have a boyfriend, then... or a horse

30 Name: OP : 2008-12-26 05:45 ID:/isNmvde

>>26

Ever hear of emotional attraction?

No, I didn't think so.

'Cause, you know, all everybody cares about now is sex, sex, and more sex. Who cares about love anymore?

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-26 05:51 ID:TGtpSObz

>>30

People aren't irate at you because of sex, sex, sex. It's because you're a teenaged dick with a superiourity complex.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-26 18:04 ID:bHI1Cs0d

>>30
You have a low sex drive. You are also an entitled, identity-obsessed asshole.

Learn to separate the two. Then fuck this girl. It's not a big deal and you won't regret it later.

33 Name: secret admirer : 2008-12-26 18:15 ID:1tOqjmKY

I think it's good to value your virginity.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-27 03:49 ID:YHjkcPXL

I don't think any of us here are saying that it's not good to value your virginity.

Most of us are saying that it's not good to value your virginity solely on the fact that you believe yourself to be above others.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-27 08:55 ID:Fmk6I4jY

I don't see why such a value is placed upon virginity myself.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-29 21:08 ID:C+1zqwpZ

Unless it has eluded medical professionals to this day, there is no physical significance in regards to one's virginity. Even the woman's hymen isn't a surefire means by which to prove or disprove past elopement.

Virginity is a human construct, but in my mind it really does represent something. I represents the lack the EXPERIENCE of the act of sexual intercourse. I'm talking about the actual sensory data and subsequent memories derived from them.

Being able to call upon things we've done in the past like such is a big part of what we are as a species, at least in the mental arena. So there is some truth in the sense that there is a virginity, but only in the sense that you lack a certain type of data that has been present in humanity since conception.

So the question is as to whether or not you feel as if virginity is something that should be valued or revered. I will first say it is up to the individual to determine that, as there are a variety of factors that could go into why someone would want such a status, or conversely wish to be rid of it.

Personally, I see life to be a series of experiences, and sex would just happen to be one of them. You could strive to indulge in as many as possible, or merely repeat the ones you find most enjoyable.

I myself am asexual (I've never been in a relationship in the traditional sense, nor do I wish to be), and it is a very big mistake to assume any sort of boundaries within the realm of human sexuality. While I cannot verify the OP's status, it is not unknown for asexuals to lack primary attraction (physical, sexual), yet still experience secondary attraction (the romantic, cognitive aspect of human connection).

Just my two cents.

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