My boyfriend recently joined the reserves, and I won't be able to see him for another two months. Telephones are the only way we can keep in touch, and even then the calls are fairly infrequent, and I receive them when I least expect to.

I've never been good at talking over the phone, but recently it's gotten much worse with him, so much that the awkward silences have become painful. He has enough to say about the army, but for me, living at home with my parents for the summer, and stuck with a dull and technical job, even the question "what's new with you?" is difficult to answer. I literally have nothing to say.

What's worse, the reception is terrible and he can't hear what I'm saying half the time. I don't like to admit it, but these phone conversations are so discouraging that I'd almost rather he not call. They must be kind of a downer for him as well, and I'm afraid that being away from me might cause him to idealize the relationship (because I think about him constantly and am doing just that)-- and then for him to call, only to hear me talk about all these insipid things like returning library books and shit.

I'm so disappointed with myself-- how do I even begin to fix this?