telephones are for beasts! (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-17 23:17 ID:bq7z53TH

My boyfriend recently joined the reserves, and I won't be able to see him for another two months. Telephones are the only way we can keep in touch, and even then the calls are fairly infrequent, and I receive them when I least expect to.

I've never been good at talking over the phone, but recently it's gotten much worse with him, so much that the awkward silences have become painful. He has enough to say about the army, but for me, living at home with my parents for the summer, and stuck with a dull and technical job, even the question "what's new with you?" is difficult to answer. I literally have nothing to say.

What's worse, the reception is terrible and he can't hear what I'm saying half the time. I don't like to admit it, but these phone conversations are so discouraging that I'd almost rather he not call. They must be kind of a downer for him as well, and I'm afraid that being away from me might cause him to idealize the relationship (because I think about him constantly and am doing just that)-- and then for him to call, only to hear me talk about all these insipid things like returning library books and shit.

I'm so disappointed with myself-- how do I even begin to fix this?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-17 23:46 ID:bq7z53TH

toughen the fuck up, god. whiny bitch.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-18 07:02 ID:Ym0fRoDC

Ignore the previous stupid comment. What you are experiencing is entirely normal, it's typical of a long distance relationship. The problem is that your relationship was based on a certain type of communication, and now that you have to use another form of communication, you have to kind of rebuild your relationship.

Think about it: did you really have so many more interesting things to say when you were in the same town? Probably not, and the problem is not the amount of things you have to say, but the development of a new pattern of communication that suits your needs.

The bottom line is that you need to persist, and find out how you can make it a more pleasant experience. With time you'll find out what you want from him, and what he wants from you on the phone. As an aside, many relationships have the same problem when they start on the phone or internet, and then move on to real life. People have plenty of things to say on the phone, but are silent face to face. The problem is the medium, not the relationship or the content.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-18 13:39 ID:bq7z53TH

Thank you, kind anon. Knowing that this is at least a normal experience is a relief.

Your insight is very much appreciated. I will do my best to make this work~!

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 00:47 ID:YOHyO+UH

Tell him every little detail not matter how mundane to yourself. Also try writeing letters if you can.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 01:18 ID:MaNbJI1u

>>1
I think your real problem is that your life is boring. Maybe you should realize you're alone, and you don't have someone like your boyfriend to hang out with, so you must find out yourself things to do with your life. What I'm saying is, try doing other activities than the usual, go for a walk, draw something, read a book, talk to strangers, take drugs, do whatever the heck you feel like doing at the moment. You can't expect exciting things to happen if you sit at your home with your parents like you said... nor it's nice to depend so much on someone else, like your boyfriend. Show him that you can live alone happy - be happy and tell him about the things that make you happy.

Conversations will brighten if you brighten your life.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 08:04 ID:+JVpgr0W

>>3
Anon knows what Anon is talking about. I had a crush on a guy I vaugely knew and developed a friendship with him via email. Our conversations flourished there, both of us sending what seemed like short novels back and forth and seeming to never run out of things to converse about. I felt very strongly for him and he said the same of me. But months later when we finally started seeing each other face to face and spending "real time" together, things were a little flat, to say the least. There were times when the awkward silence and strained idle banter were so forced and awkward I wanted to take off running down the street and never see him again. There were times when just the thought of having to sit across from him with nothing to say made me feel sick and want to cancel our plans. Before meeting up with him, I would desperately read news headlines and hoard any and all information I could that might work well as conversation filler.

It's been over a year now that we've been spending "real time" together and things are much better now. We used to see each other once or twice a month, but now we talk on the phone every single night and see each other for 8+ hours a day on most weekends. We still have patches of silence and faulty conversations, and most people do, but now that we're used to the medium of communication, it's natural and A-OK.

It won't be a quick fix, certainly, but as you pointed out, just being aware that it is indeed normal may help to quell your nerves some. There's not much you can do about reception and that sucks, but know that things may very well improve over time. Writing letters may also be a great way to communicate. You can spend days saying everything you mean to and saying it just right. And hopefully, he'll write you back just the same.

Good luck, OP!!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-03 09:50 ID:eCI37rTD

everytime i come to this board i keep misreading this title as "telephones are for breasts"

9 Name: popoko : 2009-06-03 18:18 ID:PzzNAlRw

maybe you should try to let him be alone for awhile, then try to text him something short like: i miss you

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-03 22:00 ID:p7fnXona

i always text stuff like
"im hungry for cock :3"

11 Name: cornshit : 2009-06-05 12:13 ID:/0nO6xCq

i think you have to fix your head OP, you just trolled your own post. 1 & 2 are the same address. enough with this shitty lies.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-05 14:46 ID:Heaven

>>1

>ID:bq7z53TH

>>2

>ID:bq7z53TH

lol

13 Name: 8 : 2009-06-06 17:05 ID:Heaven

>>12
Wow, whilst i didn't add anything constructive to this thread, I can say that I honestly got duckrolled.

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