Just tell me your problems... (122)

1 Name: 0racle : 2009-09-08 20:30 ID:BhFdv1Kr

...so I can solve it.

73 Name: Oracle : 2009-10-03 11:59 ID:yAwpZ8ky

>he said he's always had a soft spot for me and thinks about me a lot but he has been all hung up on this other girl for a couple months now, so typical love triangle situation...

What has prevented him from making a move on her?

>what i want to know is, is this going anywhere? and if not, how can i move on? because i've tried distancing myself from him and rebound but it hasnt worked!

Give it a honest try with this guy, two years of crush deserve that much. Don't worry, if it doesn't work, it will be much easier for you to move on without regrets. Better to fail than not to try.
However take care not to end up in a permanently unbalanced situation. It's normal that initially you put more effort at seducing him, but if at the end of the day you don't feel that he's pushing for you, scrap the relationship.

74 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-03 17:14 ID:bXO5+aba

I'm in love with this girl, A. Things been going smoothly until recently there's this female friend, B, had a personal problem. As a good friend i went to console her. After the incident, our relationship became better.
The problem is when i'm alone, i think of B. However when both of them is around, i totally focus on A. I'm totally confuse by myself. Oh great one, please give me your guidance.

75 Name: Oracle : 2009-10-04 05:14 ID:yAwpZ8ky

>Oh great one, please give me your guidance.

Contrary to common belief, to love a person is no antidote against falling in love with someone else. Unless you are in an open relationship, this will put you in a tough spot and bring you to make some difficult choices. If you ambition to entertain a long term and stable relationship, you might as well learn to deal efficiently with these type of situations, because they will present themselves to you more than once.

The trick to solve this conundrum is to let yourself be guided by your confusion, instead of feeling lost and perplexed by it: accept that you have feelings for B, befriend and get to know her better, but continue to remain true to A and never make a move or behave ambiguously towards B as long as you are confused. Trying to avoid B or denying your feelings for her will only cause you to fall deeper in love with her. On the other hand, if during the next weeks and months you get to know B better and frequent her more as a friend, you will either realize that as time passes your infatuation for her decreases, so that she becomes simply a good friend of yours, or that the feelings you have for her become so imperative that it's obvious that you should break up with A and go with B. The idea is to let time sort out your feelings, instead of prematurely trying to reach a decision in a state of confusion. In this way, and whatever decision you reach in the end, you will have at all times remained loyal to A, B and yourself.

76 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-04 16:37 ID:HE9Z3d4l

>>73
he did, and there was an intimate situation between them under the influence of alcohol, but she didn't want anything to do with him after that

i never really noticed if i was seducing him or not because i dont really think of myself as that and i wanted him to see me as i am than something im not.
but thanks oracle, i'll try to pluck up the courage and talk to him properly =]

77 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-05 13:38 ID:Q4lz/Va8

If a guy likes you, would they talk about breasts and bikini babes to/in front of you? Is this the female version of friendzonage?

Just to clarify; I am a girl. Although I suppose that doesn't really matter.

78 Name: Oracle : 2009-10-05 22:15 ID:XEasrLfH

>Is this the female version of friendzonage?

Pretty much so. It suggests that at the moment he's not trying to seduce you (unless he has a very clumsy way of attempting it). However, it does not mean that he does not like you, or that he could not develop an interest for you. But unless you take some form of initiative, probably nothing will happen in the near future.

79 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-09 12:21 ID:2N9KcaHF

>Is this the female version of friendzonage?

The advantage with the female version of friendzonage is that it is in 99% of the cases NOT definitive. Guys can almost always be swayed around at some point.

80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-14 02:12 ID:kVy8nepE

ever since a bad rejection a few months ago, i cant seem to stable my feelings, why is that?

81 Name: Oracle : 2009-10-14 12:41 ID:5RH41yOF

>ever since a bad rejection a few months ago, i cant seem to stable my feelings, why is that?

Probably because you have not yet resolved some lingering issues resulting from that rejection.

A rejection is a blow for two main reasons: it questions you as an individual, and it induces feelings of loss of the person you were interested in as a lover. These two issues have very different consequences.

When a rejection attacks your identity, you may become frightened and insecure. You may become more inward, or waver, and be partially confused. Hence the instability. However you must realize that a rejection does not really inform you on your worth. No one alive today is so good that he or she would never be rejected by some other people. This is because accepting or rejecting someone is not so much linked to worth but to tastes, and tastes differ a lot. In this sense, a rejection is mostly a learning experience. With time, you will learn what kind of people like the type of person you are. It goes both ways. In time you'll learn what kind of person you are really interested in. Learning both things can sometimes be a long and difficult process, but still a necessary one to be able to establish a rewarding relationship. So don't come off a rejection thinking you are bad, but that at this moment this type of person does not fit with you, and you need to look further. That's why more experienced people will shrug off a disinterested party and move on, whereas more naive ones will agonize about their worthiness over the same episode.
This also holds true if you realize you were rejected for some mistake you did. You had to go through that to realize you should do things differently. This is how people learn about anything in life. One thing is certain, if you were rejected, it means that you tried, and trying is the most important condition to achieve something, so respect yourself for doing it.

A rejection also entails a form of mourning: the pain coming from the loss of a relationship that will never be. It's a paradoxical mourning, since the person is still there, but unattainable. Like other mournings, you have to go through different steps of coping such as denial, anger, despair and sadness. And like other mournings, the key is to accept your feelings so as not to retain them inside yourself, and allow your normal life, friends and time to gradually fade the pain. Otherwise you can become obsessed about your grief and stall in some form or another of mourning, leading to prolonged despair and bitterness.

82 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-14 15:34 ID:aczjKSad

>>62 here.

>With time, you will learn what kind of people like the type of person you are. It goes both ways. In time you'll learn what kind of person you are really interested in.

And that's why I'm 26 and never even kissed a woman, huh?

Forgive me for my outburst Oracle. It's just very frustrating for me to hear such things.
Shortly after a saw the girl, she responded to the message I had sent to her some time before. In it she said it was nice seeing me and admitted she had been being distant and voiced disapproval of her own behavior. She also said she was busy with school and got involved in some drama, said it was sweet of me to offer support, and thanked me.

I responded, advising her not to let the drama consume her and asked her what she does to unwind. Trying to keep the conversation going, I also asked if she's taking a lot of credits. I also made no big deal out of the tea I spilled, as it wasn't good, and complimented her hair, because I forgot to do this when I saw her. She had dyed it and trimmed it, but since then, she had added a new color, so I complimented this new look as well. I brought up the Halloween ball and said I might be around for that and closed saying I'd hope we'd see each other again soon. Looking, back I probably just should've asked her to the Halloween ball, instead of seeing if she expressed interest, since she's not the best with correspondence.

A few days later, I received a response from her friend. She accepted my apology. She said she was just looking out for her "sister." I can understand that. I probably would've reacted the same way. So I started a regular conversation with her.

We're just going to refer to the girl as M now. This is getting confusing. I wrote on M's wall, asking if she was in any upcoming shows, but I have yet to receive a response. The event is now posted and I've not received an invite. Maybe she just forgot or expects me to find out myself, since she told my friend she was in one. I would feel more comfortable knowing she wanted me to come than to have to guess. I don't want to creep her out. Even though she's been nothing but receptive so far, I need to know she would like me to come see the show and support her performance. I will bring a flower, of course. Should I decide to go, which I probably will. I'll probably go next week. It opens this weekend and closes next. The Halloween ball is next week, so she can't go to that, but I'm not even sure if I'm going to bother with the ball. My friend can't go either.

I felt like I should step up the comments on her Facebook, in order to show I'm still interested. I've been holding back, afraid of overwhelming her. My friend said it was OK, as long as I didn't spam her. I commented on her then most recent status about her discovering a new anime she liked, saying it was adorable. She responded with a smiley as a comment under her own status.

Then she posted a very revealing note on love and her fears of it. She dreads sharing secrets with someone she deeply cares for, and when she does click with someone, she becomes totally numb. This really bothers her, and she doesn't think a relationship with anyone would go well.

I too am terrified of sharing secrets with someone I truly care for. But there is a key difference between us. She's a beautiful girl, and I'm just an ordinary guy. That's how I feel at least. I've been told otherwise, but what proof do I have? Women will get approached. Guys have to do the approaching, so someone will eventually approach her and she'll find someone. And hopefully, that someone will be me.

I don't know if it was aimed at anyone in particular, but if I don't interpret it as a general cry for help, I will go crazy. I've had to partially numb myself to certain things in order to stay sane.

Continued

83 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-14 15:36 ID:aczjKSad

I asked my friend what I should do, and she said, "do what you feel is right," so I wrote a comment, saying that even though I couldn't understand what she's going through, cause I'm not her, I had been there before and have an idea what she's going through. I also said to please find someone to talk to, and I would listen if that person was me. Yes, this leaves me open to friendzonage, and it also reveals some of my insecurities/vulnerabilities, but I had to say something. I probably should've said something like love involves risk and no one is ever truly ready, no matter how they feel, but it's too late to say this now. It'll look weird if I post another comment on that note. Ugh, I'm always coming up with something good after the fact.

One of her more recent statuses involved being annoyed with people saying things over and over, running them into the ground. This might be about the responses she got to her note, not sure. Since then, I've backed off on the comments. I don't know what's too much or too little with her.

My friend's band is playing a show next month near her and it's all ages, so as long as everything with the show goes fine, I'm going to invite her. I really like their music, and I think she'd like it too, and we've yet to do anything alone.

84 Name: Oracle : 2009-10-14 19:05 ID:AzLJHGvQ

>Forgive me for my outburst Oracle.

The Oracle forgives you, and will reformulate the sentence in a manner that makes sense to you. The rest of your post lacking a clearly formulated question, it will be considered a status report.

>And that's why I'm 26 and never even kissed a woman, huh?

By trial and error, you will learn what kind of people like the type of person you are. It goes both ways. With experience you'll learn what kind of person you are really interested in.

85 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-14 22:26 ID:aczjKSad

Sorry, I did not know my post had to contain a question, Oracle. I guess my question is, how do I know what's too much with the comments and what's too little? And should I go to the show even if she hasn't told me about it directly? It's on her wall to from other people mentioning it.

86 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-18 04:01 ID:h1ZMRd8C

Oracle,

I, a male, am in love with my best friend. We met freshman year of college and she just graduated, while I am finishing my 5th year of school. She has moved to a town about 5 hours away from where I will be once I graduate. We keep in touch (about once or twice a month) and she recently visited town for my birthday, and paid the bill for the birthday dinner ($120). She only recently broke up with her boyfriend a couple of months ago but they are still talking and she isn't sure about the whole situation with them ("a break up is never a break up"). We have been good friends for such a long time too that I feel guilty for developing romantic feelings for her recently. But I feel, right or not, that she is perfect, and as a result I barely make an effort when it comes to other girls. Moreover, over the course of the 5 years we have known each other, I have changed a lot and gained more confidence, but lately I have been wondering if I have been changing myself in order to meet her expectations or if I am really doing it for myself, and I'm confused.

My two questions:
1) Using your future telling powers, is there ever a chance that we end up together? Is there a situation where later in life, she realizes that I'm the one and returns my reciprocated love? Or is even having that mindset ruinous and dangerous to my person?
2) A general sort of question, do Hollywood romance movies and fairy tale stories ever happen in real life?

87 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-19 08:17 ID:9pRXoqiM

>1) Using your future telling powers, is there ever a chance that we end up together?

Yes. And my powers suggest that this chance involves you getting rid of your guilt and starting to actively seduce her.

>Is there a situation where later in life, she realizes that I'm the one and returns my reciprocated love? Or is even having that mindset ruinous and dangerous to my person?

That mindset is ruinous: if you go to sit at the bottom of a cave, and expect that a passer by will hire you to a good paying job, and another one will confess to you, you will live a very lonesome and sad life. By waiting, you forsake your ability to shape your life, and get what you want. Since in this case you know what you want, you should be in your active mode and doing everything you can to get it.

>2) A general sort of question, do Hollywood romance movies and fairy tale stories ever happen in real life?

Yes. And people are hit by lightening, win lotteries, and flipped coins can fall in an upright position. Romance movies are entertainment, not documentaries. But since they operate by titillating the fantasies and wishes of the audience, you can use them as inspiration for your dates, if you know that the girl you are interested in likes this or that movie. But have some common sense and don't use them as references for your life. Your feelings and those of your partner should shape your life, not some random movie which has a completely different agenda.

88 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-19 10:20 ID:d9RCdnPi

i has cold.. tell me if i get awesome gain for tomorrow?

89 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-19 15:39 ID:J10DCLqG

Dear Oracle,

Bitches and whores. What do?

90 Name: Oracle : 2009-11-20 01:44 ID:WSXSVuLQ

> Bitches and whores. What do?

In the immortal words of one Doctor Dre: "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"
Go for the whores.

91 Name: Oracle : 2009-11-20 07:41 ID:5RH41yOF

>i has cold.. tell me if i get awesome gain for tomorrow?

This is Oracle's romance problem-solving department, for forecasts please contact Oracle's Delphic services.

92 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-20 12:52 ID:K0yr6sDm

Oracle,

I'm a 21 year old guy, currently in university. About two years ago I started hanging out with a group of friends that I now think of as my closest friends.

A few months ago I found myself developing feelings for a girl in this group, but I tried to shrug it off in favor of keeping the friendship, which I value very highly. However I soon found myself unable to stop thinking of her and realized I was in love with her.

I'm going with her to a series of films in the next week or so, since there's a film festival going on here and we thought it sounded like a fun idea. After that is over I'm going to tell her how I feel about her.

I don't want to try and repress this anymore, because it just hurts since I see her a lot these days.

So my question is if this is a good idea? I'm not sure if she even suspects that I might have feelings for her so it might come as a shock to her.

I apologize for any bad english, as it is not my primary language.

93 Name: Oracle : 2009-11-20 15:26 ID:5RH41yOF

>So my question is if this is a good idea? I'm not sure if she even suspects that I might have feelings for her so it might come as a shock to her.

In general confessions should only be made when you are quite confident about the outcome. Before that you should rather build intimacy with her. So going to a film festival is a good idea (as long as it's only the two of you, not with other friends). Learn as much as possible about her, and get her to do things alone with you. If you see that she spends time with you and that the feeling is good, don't hesitate to raise the stakes (doing activities that couples usually do).

It's good that you have feelings for the girl, and wish to confess, but it's better if you give her the chance to get used to the idea that she likes to spend time with youbefore having to make a decision when you confess to her.

94 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-23 04:56 ID:lM9UKocM

This guy used to be friends with me before; he helped me with studying Japanese and he was good at it so I looked up to him. Then, He began to be mean to me after wards and yesterday he said this:

"let me be straight with you
i dont mind talking with you
but you just go on yapping
you dont know when to stop
it really gets on my nerves"

I barely even spoke to him this whole goddamn year and I only see him on chat. And every chat had bitter words and endings. I can't even say a decent 'hi, how are you?'

" YOU YAP
there is a difference between
talking too much
and yapping
your pointless chatter is just that.. POINTLESS
5:46 PM is what people called YAPPING
talking is different on the other hand
so frankly... i am scared to talk with you... because i dont know when you will stop..."

Yapping? When was there yapping if I couldn't even TALK?!
Also Oracle I don't talk like the way he describing me to,
he's exaggerating.

Now, this is the guy who also helped me in my studying and stuff, But he's real nasty now. And I hate myself because I just can't stop looking back to what once was. I want you yell at him but I can't do it. But I want to.

Help me, Oracle

(Also please stay here. You're advice on the other posts is good)

95 Name: Oracle : 2009-11-23 16:09 ID:UeTo2aww

>Help me, Oracle

Regardless of whether you talk too much or in a pointless way, his behavior indicates that he's not feeling well, and for some reason is probably under stress. You might want to know what's wrong with him, perhaps he's used to be a listener, and now needs someone who will listen to him.

You can also tell him that you respect him, and that he's welcome to be frank with you, and let you know if something upsets him or if he wants to do or talk about something different. You are ready for a fresh start with mutual respect, but if he continues to behave aggressively and show disrespect for you, you'll have no choice but to give up on him.

96 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-25 18:37 ID:r0787uax

Hey, Oracle, lemme ask you something.

I dropped out of college about a year ago. Maybe I didn't have the motivation to go on in a field like IT; maybe I just had the same problem I've always had, which is that I'm really bad at following deadlines. Either way, I've been considering going back to school for something different, with several reasons in mind: it's something to get me out of the house, it's another chance to get a good head start on doing something with my life, it's an excellent way of meeting a girl.

Regardless of all that, I know this: I cannot stand school, and I cannot easily convince myself to submit to another 4 years of bullshit, no matter how much of it is important bullshit. Yet, I find that this remains the best option right now-- there's little chance of me finding a meaningful (or even satisfying) job with my minimal experience, and I seem to spend more and more time indoors instead of going out and DOING things.

I am left with a dilemma. On one hand, a few years of hardships in exchange for rejuvenating my possibilities: on the other, a life of little personal advancement but all the time in the world for self discovery and reflection. It's in my nature to sit back and think instead of "just doing it," although I'd like to think that it's not a terrible thing to be able to be rational about things.

Anyway, Oracle. Tell me, because I can't tell for myself. How hard should I be pushing myself to go back to school?

Also, can you please suggest a better idea for meeting a girl aside from school-related activities? Because it's really depressing to think that that's my only real option, and I'm not exactly the bar/pub kind of guy.

Oh yeah, and when's your next stable release?

97 Name: Oracle : 2009-11-27 12:27 ID:5RH41yOF

>Tell me, because I can't tell for myself. How hard should I be pushing myself to go back to school?

Being faced with two unpalatable options is often the sign that one is ignoring a third possibility. The Oracle suggests that since you lack motivation and self-management skills, you should opt for an apprenticeship based education, instead of the classic ex-cathedra one.

Having a mentor that closely monitors you - instead of being an anonymous student in a class - is probably what you need, at least at the beginning of your education, until you develop enough self discipline and working habits to carry on by yourself. Check the internet, the local social and educational services for guidance on what's available in your region that best fits your needs.

Besides, IT is not your only (or best) option. Maybe there is something less obvious or "glamorous" that actually suits you better on a day to day basis. Doing some short term internship/voluntary work may widen your perspectives, and make things more concrete and less abstract to you.

>Also, can you please suggest a better idea for meeting a girl aside from school-related activities? Because it's really depressing to think that that's my only real option, and I'm not exactly the bar/pub kind of guy.

Your difficulties in meeting girls stem from similar problems that prevent you from engaging professionally in active life. What are your interests? Define them and turn them into group activities. Don't agonize over this subject. Just think about it for five minutes, and act upon it. Learn to ruminate less and try more. As you try things, unsuspected opportunities will present themselves to you. Mortal brains are too small to encompass the reality they live in, so their best strategy is to try stuff in order to discover what they cannot understand from the beginning. Doing nothing will bring you nothing except depression, contempt and self-pity.

>Oh yeah, and when's your next stable release?

Oracle's release cycles revolve around mortal generation times, instead of annual or quarterly releases. Check back when you have grand-kids.

98 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-03 03:02 ID:7hJI88vP

i recently like this girl in my college, we've been pretty close latley and people sometimes get the idea we're together, the problem is that she say she treats me like a brother but we're always flirting around on msn. i know i prob dont have a high chance if im being treated like a brother but i get the feeling that she feels something more as well, just the way she looks at me. she also just recently changed her hair style to a style i like and she knows about it, what do i do now?

99 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-03 05:37 ID:cFjB1fXA

>what do i do now?

Treat her like she is your girlfriend, and not just a simple friend or a sister.

This means do things with her that you would do with your girlfriend: go out, eat, drink or stroll with her, spend time just the two of you. Also make sure you often touch her in a way that is still acceptable in your culture but unusual between friends.

If you do this and she plays along, people will not be wrong about their assumptions, and when both of you are comfortable and used to it just make it official to her that you are dating in a way that you find appropriate (confession, asking to date her, etc).

100 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-03 18:01 ID:OOnHSuFv

>>95

Oracle it's me >>94

I'd try talking to him but mother says he's far too arrogant to listen and it's futile. I think it's just fine as long as I get the point across...and if he still is mean; I'd give up on him like you tell me. What do you think?

101 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-03 19:26 ID:0is580WU

I am curious Oracle, what are your qualifications for your position.

102 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-03 22:46 ID:cFjB1fXA

>I'd try [...] but mother says [...]. I think [...]. What do you think?

The Oracle has spoken. What you do with it is up to you.

103 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-03 22:53 ID:cFjB1fXA

>Oracle, what are your qualifications for your position.

Basic requirements include being clairvoyant and immortal.

Field experience with mortals' affairs is a plus.

104 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-07 15:49 ID:+NLYPNSQ

What should i consider when i'm getting christmas for the girl i like.

105 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-07 15:50 ID:yUwVLlQs

christmas present*

106 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-08 00:59 ID:LTWA4J40

>What should i consider when i'm getting a christmas present for the girl i like.

There are two approaches that convey different meanings:

To show that you are thoughtful and pay attention to her: think about her interests, hobbies and needs, and what could complement them: if she has some hobby that requires some gear, offer her some piece of equipment. If she likes music, consider concert tickets (so both of you can go), or some music player. If she likes to read, offer some less obvious book of an author, genre she likes, etc.

To show that you are attracted to her: buy her something to wear. The easy way is to buy some earrings (saves you the trouble of figuring out which size of clothing fits her). But if you feel confident, you can offer her a stylish dress, or another piece of clothing if she does not like dresses. In any case, pick up something you think will look really good on her, that's part of the statement you are making.

107 Name: Secret Lover : 2009-12-12 08:32 ID:vlYHGJmf

Hi Oracle,

I've been reading all of your responses and I'm impressed with your balance of wit and rationality. I feel comfortable enough to have a reasonable, guided answer from you.

Five years ago, I laid my eyes on a complete stranger--a stranger in terms of communication of any kind, but not a stranger to my sentiments. She was viscerally, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. I was actually alone in church when this happened, and she was alone when she walked into the pews in front of me. Absolutely nothing happened on this day, and I never saw her again.

Until this year.

I saw her twice already in church this year. Once was with her parents, grandparents, sister, and her sister's partner; the other time was when she was with just her mother. I'm aware that she has made eye contact with me at least once during both occasions, and has shaken my hand during the first occasion, (a result of "the sign of peace"). I know she'll be back again.

I'm usually comfortable approaching strangers I'm not attracted to but, I can't seem to approach this woman, for I don't have any purpose to speak with her. The only thing I'm certain of is the trait inside me that is compelled to make something happen. I've already decided that something needs to be done. My intuition tells me that I would be overwhelmed with joy sharing my happiness with her for the rest of my life. Based on knowing nothing about her, I've chosen to love her; a statement with usually profound connotations, yet... I find nothing profound about it.

If it helps to describe what I've observed as for a more suitable approach: Five years ago she wore a white turtleneck sweater, a mid-length green, floral dress and heels. Her hair was parted in the middle, and came straight down. With her family she wore a green tank top and jeans. Her hair was casually fixed. With just her mother, she wore a purple pea-coat, jeans, heels, and she had black, plastic-rimmed glasses on. Her hair was intentionally curled. She has always carried a regal, elegant demeanor, for she always holds her body up in a firm, almost assertive way. Her posture is always straight, and she walks with a purposeful step. When praying, she remains deep in prayer and doesn't interrupt herself for anything; she keeps her eyes closed, and her fists clenched together, even while everyone else has finished praying. She treats her family with sincere respect and affection--she physically displays her affection with a hug or a kiss on the cheek with each of her family members during the "sign of peace." She holds her grandmother's arm while walking out of the church, and she holds her mother's arm as well. She is a woman who evidently, knows exactly what she values, and cherishes it.

If at all possible, please advise me in becoming that certain someone that can give her the same endearing love she gives to her family. I will approach her this Sunday, and I ask for some guidance.

108 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-16 07:38 ID:/c1KchrG

>[Oracle], please advise me in becoming that certain someone that can give her the same endearing love she gives to her family. I will approach her this Sunday, and I ask for some guidance.

What was the outcome of last Sunday's initiative? Was she there at all?

In any case, your first steps are simple enough: learn as much as possible about her, and provide yourself an opportunity to speak to her regularly.

If you approach her in church you could remark that recently you've seen her attending more regularly, and whether she has moved into town. Whatever her answer is, you can learn more about whether she's living in your town, what's her name, the family context (you should also learn as much as possible about her family), etc.

Depending on the information you get, your strategy will be different. For instance, if she's living in another town, you can tell her that you would like from time to time to ask her advice or tips on that town, and exchange e-mails. If she's living in town you can discuss about her neighborhood, her activities there, etc. Also sprinkle some info on you from time to time to make it a more balanced exchange, and provide hooks for further contact. Anything you hear or tell may be used later to talk to her again in church.

If you did not see her last Sunday, and have reasons to fear that she won't be around for a while, then you have no choice but to approach and get to know her sister, so that you can get more info on the girl. Just use the same strategy, some mild curiosity and then develop the conversation.

As for the shallowness of your feelings, worry not, at the moment it is enough that they exist: that alone is sufficient reason to act.

109 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-18 13:36 ID:gbV8STZd

Hey Oracle
Why?

110 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-18 20:26 ID:2Per/NED

>Why?

Because it was fated so.

111 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-19 17:36 ID:Ehj19V7w

Oracle, Merry Christmas!
P.S. Good to know there will always be someone out there to answer my question.

112 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-25 13:51 ID:t05vVpGv

Hey Oracle.
There is someone who harasses me through the internet in a way that is not against the law but it still scares the shit out of me.
What should I do?

113 Name: Oracle : 2009-12-25 21:37 ID:dFzsAhfa

>What should I do?

You should clear up the situation so that any further harassment can be exposed as such. This means two things:

  • that you should tell this person that from now on you do not wish him/her to contact you in any way. Keep it brief and to the point.
  • that from now on you will under no circumstances contact or answer this person.

This strategy has two benefits: most trolls get tired of not getting any reaction and just give up, and any further contact from this person can be unambiguously classified as harassment.

Although unpleasant, the good point of online harassment is that it's very easy to gather evidence of the deed. So save all messages (mail, chat, etc) that this person has or will send you, plus your own messages. Once you have accumulated enough evidence, you can start using it: if the critter is annoying you via mail, contact his/her service provider. If the problem occurs via chat/forum/social network, contact the people responsible for the service. If you know who is doing this, or if the situation is getting threatening, you should contact the appropriate police services. In any case, if things are not working for you, just contact who@ (http://www.haltabuse.org/help/respond.shtml), they will be able to support you with specific and non anonymous help.

114 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-26 17:22 ID:VzLbDAJb

Oracle, I'm kind of stupid with things.
What counts as a date?

115 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-26 17:33 ID:j+9o55iZ

Its stupid to tell anyone my problem, the answer is simple,

However, I love her, she hates me, we used to talk, then one day she just vanished off the face of the earth.

I still waste all my time waiting thinking she will come back.

116 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-27 08:55 ID:38rNhoqE

Hey Oracle.
What I must to to made some people understand such concepts as 'The Right to be Left Alone' or 'privacy'?

The concept of the right to be left alone dates back to a 1928 Supreme Court wiretapping decision called Olmstead vs. the United States in which the Supreme Court Justice Brandeis said "the protection guaranteed by the amendments (of the Constitution) is much broader in scope. The makers of our Constitution undertook to secure conditions favorable to the pursuit of happiness. They recognized the significance of man's spiritual nature, of his feelings and of his intellect . . . They sought to protect Americans in their beliefs, their thoughts, their emotions, and their sensations. They conferred as against the government the right to be left alone -- the most comprehensive of rights and the right most valued by civilized men."

117 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-27 15:45 ID:Q5jLnD/G

oracle, why do you give up your time to help people over the internet?

there's something that's been bothering me lately and won't seem to go away. is it just me, or is everyone into asian chicks these days? maybe it's because i majored in asian studies in college and am now living in japan, but it seems like every white guy i've met in the past 4 years has had yellow fever. nowadays i can't even visit a website without having to read about how asian girls are sooo hot and non-asian women are for the birds. is this mentality really that prevalent, or am i just hanging out with the wrong crowds/visiting the wrong blogs and websites? i don't remember guys being this obsessed when i was growing up, but (in my life at least) it seems to be becoming the normP

118 Name: japanesy...prettyu : 2009-12-29 00:38 ID:Na0UlTlt

I want to get in touch with a person, but don't know how
what if that person just kidding around?

119 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 20:12 ID:chA8NOrk

Dear Oracle
I thought I was over my ex but last night I dreamt i saw her with someone else and I got really upset and angry. Waking up I realized maybe I'm not as over her as I thought. How do I move on?

120 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-30 18:42 ID:MRaJiJA0

>>117

I love asions so much ohmmmmm

121 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-30 22:21 ID:QOr5n3s9

Because of some unexpected circumstances today only http://genki-genki.com/ turns me on.
HALP

122 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-31 04:19 ID:UnQ/OtsC

Oracle is on holidays?!

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