A Christmas Calamity (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 22:53 ID:mK8bRd4P

lol. Here's the situation:

For Christmas I got some lingerie for myself, as a present to my boyfriend. While he seemed enthused about it at first, he also made a joke that for Christmas, he should get me a nice tie and a pair of men's shoes, which he could then put on for the purposes of taking off later. He also said that usually, it's the guy who buys the lingerie for his girlfriend as a present-- to the effect that what I did was highly out the ordinary, and kind of weird. I felt like an idiot and told him as much, though he said he was just joking, and reassured me that he liked the present a lot. I remain hesitant, but play along.

Fast forward a few days later. We go to separate cities for the holidays, but attend the same university. So, the only time we really meet up this holiday is at his friend's house. On that day, I get some teacups, a tin of Earl Grey, and a little notepad from him. An upsetting but unrelated occurrence forces me to leave early, and I incidentally forget to take the gift with me. I realize this when I get home, and ask that he bring it with him the next time, apologizing for the inconvenience.

Then, more than a week later, he tells me that he's upset I left the gift behind, and that it was a pain to carry around after I left, and will be annoying to pack into a suitcase. I apologize again, telling him that it was my absent-mindedness that caused me to leave it behind, not because I didn't want the gift. I also refrain from mentioning that /I/ would have to pack up the cumbersome thing if I had taken it. Instead, I reinforce the fact that I liked the present, and regretted giving off the impression of nonchalance by leaving it behind-- perhaps upsetting him in the process.

Oh good, he says, it was a good decision to tell me how he felt, and that he perceived it was easier to communicate between us. But he goes on to correct me by saying that he stopped caring about my attitude towards the gift in a day or so, and actually it was the prospect of having to take the gift with him again. Also, that he struggled with "attempting to tell" me that my gift was tacky.

So, after biting my tongue and apologizing profusely for the sake of sparing his feelings, he casually lets slip that my gift is tacky. For no reason I can immediately discern.

Then, when I tell him that I am upset by this revelation, he essentially says-- "Don't be upset, I told you for the purpose of communication. And anyways, it was all in the past, so there's no reason for you to be hurt. Plus, it hurts me too when you're upset."

And now he is acting as though nothing is wrong.

How justified am I in being completely disappointed by his behaviour?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 23:27 ID:mK8bRd4P

Update: And now that I've asked him if he would mind if I threw it out-- he said the decision was mine. But that he would hate to see it go to waste.

"I thought you hated it."
"It looks lovely."

What the shit?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 23:28 ID:mK8bRd4P

If I threw out my present to him, I mean. The lingerie.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 23:44 ID:G3CC/9nD

How long have you been together? Sorry, I'm just wondering.

Anyway, you shouldn't make a big deal out of this, in my opinion. If you're going to continue to be pissed off at this, it'll probably only lead to drama.

Relationships come with annoyances such as this one. That said, he did act like a dick somewhat, but he wasn't that bad.

Try to get over it, even if it sounds harsh.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-09 00:11 ID:mK8bRd4P

Sounds harsh. I'll figure something out.

We've been together for over a year now. Is it showing?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-09 08:31 ID:rmsuPgOV

>>5
Sort of, yes.
It may sound harsh, but if you're going to get frustrated over this, it'll probably lead to drama. And you would want to avoid that, no?

I'm not saying you should always just suck it up, but this doesn't seem worth it to fight over.

7 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-09 10:35 ID:0dTGZyIC

You guys been with each other for over a year. You should know by now the things that makes him upset. I bet you do understand why he's upset about you leaving the gift behind, though unintentionally.

I agree with >>4 to try to get over with it.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-11 20:42 ID:Heaven

You may have the most boring relationship in the world if this is your biggest problem.

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