Hello, 4-ch.
It's been a long time since I've posted here.
I've been having trouble with my girlfriend. I can't stop myself from pondering the misery of the situation and looking for a way out. This is a long read and I don't expect anyone to even bother.
We're both at college, I live in my house downtown and she lives in a small apartment adjacent to school, ~35 km from me. Well, she did until recently.
We'd lived together for about a month, I was staying at her apartment because she wrecked my car and I couldn't tell my parents.
Life in her apartment was stressful. She's a complete fucking neatfreak, and I seemed to always be in trouble for not arranging the towels at the perfect angle or sweating too much. I wanted to leave but I was trapped.
It was an expensive accident, almost two thousand dollars to get things running.Three months later and I'm now still $500 in debt when I get about $350 a month for food, going out, and gas. This is a developing country, so any jobs I would take would pay in pennies while the cost of living is very high. There's no payment structure, I just have to save up the full amount by April. But, this means that it's a very boring life, stuck at home almost every day when I could previously go out every day and enjoy life in a booming metropolis.
It was a very tense situation, I don't know how I got through it, but I did. We did.
Now she's staying in my house. I think i should describe it.
It was and still is a factory run by my dad's family. The family slowly bought off the land around the first house and redeveloped it until they owned a large section of the street. There are several separate houses, and in the typical Chinese fashion, much of my extended family lives there. My dad moved out about ten years ago, and I only moved back because it was closer to school.
I live in my own floor of the largest building but I only have a tiny 20m^2 room, a bathroom, and a rudimentary kitchen. It's okay to stay there alone but it's been very uncomfortable to have my girlfriend there every fucking minute of the day that I'm there. We share a computer, a twin-size bed, and whatever free space there was previously is now cluttered by her stuff everywhere.
She's invaded my space and all of my time. I literally have no free time. I have a busy schedule at school that I'd be struggling with even if I was alone. I have no time to sit down and veg out to loud music, to play guitar (haven't played in five months as she doesn't like the sound), have no time to meet friends. I used to be on time to everything, never missed classes if circumstances allowed. I was always on time to meet my parents for lunch or to beat the rush hour traffic but since I've been with her, I've been perpetually late. I've missed too many classes, and fell far, far behind.
I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her but as of now I can't keep going for much longer. I really wish I could have met her after we'd both finished school and were already working outside of the country.
I'd ask her to stay at her dorm more often, but there are problems. Lots of problems.
Her dorm is messy, hot, and the internet connection is poor. She'd just spend most of the time there driving me insane with constant messages and phone calls. No matter where I go, she's always there reaching at me through a LCD screen. She will constantly tell me she misses me and I have to oblige and emptily reciprocate. And at the end of it, when I see her afterwards she's a complete mess.
When things get ugly, they get really fucking ugly. When we disagree, we argue, then physically fight, then break up for a few hours and somehow I'm stupid enough to take her back. The last time we argued we punched, kicked, wrestled. I had to break a door down in my own house to get to her.I'm mostly afraid of what she'd do to herself without me.
She has no friends that she meets regularly. She doesn't pursue hobbies. Her mother passed away from cancer a few years ago and her father doesn't know much about me, and doesn't know that I'm with her. Her ex's were either abusive to her or were mid-twenties manchildren. In fact, when I met her and when we first got together, she was still in a relationship with a 26-year-old that hadn't ended but instead had lost contact in the previous two months. I was blind enough to fight to take her from him.
She is my first girlfriend, and I'm hoping that soon I can say she WAS my first. How do I break up.
>I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her
>I'm hoping that soon I can say she WAS my first.
What?
It sounds like you should just man up and tell her you don't want to date her.
did you even read the post, or ever heard of something called tact?
well op, even though she is/(trying to be was) first girlfriend, try to first compromise.
tell her all these things, try to make her understand from your point of view. People dont think anything is wrong until you tell them.
also like you said, im afraid what she would do if you suddenly just broke up.
and if the compromise does not work, slowly start to give signs that you want to break up; like cold shoulder, or alwasy go out, eventually she'll see the sign and confront or just say that she wants to break up.
theres alwasy the option of just acting like a complete asshole like >>3 and just make her leave you.
it sounds like if you do ask her to compromise it will just be another violent fight from what you said and she will most likely not understand. She seems extreemly insecure possibly even mentally unstable like you said she might actually hurt herself if you break up badly. This is a bad situation she is dependant on you. Maybe you should just stop accepting her back after you fight just slowly let her go that way. I don't know I'm suprised it took you this long to get fed up with her. there might be a way to fix this though it seems like you are frusterated from not being able to do what you want but you still care about her have you ever tried to fix her problems get her to make friends or try to sort out what she is worried about maybe you can help fix her and everything will be fine but I guess its too late now though.