Someone explain things for me? (54)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-12 18:33 ID:MAeSBEat

There was this guy who I looked up to as a guide when I just started studying Japanese and I liked him after that because he lent me a helping hand. But then, he changed from the person who I once saw him as.
He said some pretty rude things which were nothing but his own
messed up perception. He was rude to me for no reason, like the
whole of last year.
He is a proud jerk and picks on me just because he can.

I don't want to talk to him anymore, but somehow my mind is
refusing to let go, I feel like a fool.
Why the fuck am I attached to this jerk? I hate myself for it.
But really, I want to never talk to him again.
I wish I thought he never existed and got it all out of my head.

This is so messed up, please help me.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-13 14:09 ID:2ngxhAsm

More examples/details would be usefull. Like what have he said to you that was nice/rude? How have he responded to you in certain situations? How did you act towards him?
Also, What ages are we talking about here?
I don't know if I can be much help at this stage, there are manny possibilities why he would be rude to you.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-13 15:06 ID:4V1t2fPR

Remind him of who he is. He probably had some emotional changes or something... something in his family, perhaps? Someone should talk to him about how he feels. It's the only thing one can really do...

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-13 15:07 ID:4V1t2fPR

>> 3

The only other reason is because it is psychological... his frontal lobe was damaged, if that's the case... which totally re-writes his personality.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-14 12:29 ID:fNr0QvNF


More examples/details:

I am 18 years old.
He is 24 years old.

Here's some rude things what he said

>let me be straight with you

i dont mind talking with you
but you just go on yapping
you dont know when to stop
it really gets on my nerves


there is a difference between
talking too much
and yapping
your pointless chatter is just that.. POINTLESS
is what people called YAPPING
talking is different on the other hand
so frankly... i am scared to talk with you... because i dont know when you will stop..

Before any of you wonder I constantly call him for small talk,
I barely spoke to him last year, the only time I ever spoke to him was for study related doubts which he did the explaining.
Any and every conversation ended unpleasantly over chat.
I'm talkative but this guy is exaggerating.
Like I said I barely ever spoke to him, and
He has his own self-made messed up concepts.

>you should learn not to advice people who are 6 years older than you are

that was when I told him he was being rude long back

>great... i am honoured... i am a bastard... you have to learn to live with it

And he called me names
ms. whiny
no life

Guys believe me, I am nothing like he says I am.

And the nice things,

*He offered question papers for my JLPT (Japanese Language
proficiency test) I didn't ask him but he came forth and gave em to me.

*I didn't even ask and he gave me an anime (Soul Eater) with those papers in the pen drive. It was a pleasant surprise

*And even after we were in ups and downs he gave me a whole book of question papers for the next JLPT I was gonna take.

*He seemed pleased to know my Japanese had improved and
he seemed pleased to know I was teaching at the Japanese institute I go to.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-14 12:30 ID:fNr0QvNF


I try and put myself in his place I know he might have his own
problems and troubles to cause him to act they way he is but
he's just plain rude to me now just because he can and he will.

I thought the same thing- that people would say things they didn't mean to if they had troubles like you said, but this one isn't so.
Someone should talk to him, you say. Should I?

But I doubt is if I'd do that without giving him a earful first.
I'm not the kind who would hurt people, but I was wrong to have
forgiven him.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-14 15:58 ID:fF8ehemK


Well, there could be a couple reasons...

Maybe he wants a "badass" type of girl? Naw...
Hmm... if you don't say anything, I could predict that he'll force words out of you.

Although it seems he wants to help you... although, perhaps... it could be because you ask him so many questions, it strips him of his free time? I mean, I, as a guy, would be slightly annoyed if I were constantly asked questions... (I won't be like the above described, but...)

Maybe it was a bother?

Next time... talk to him. If you like him to the extent that you'll accept him the way he is, no matter what the case, the everything... let him know that you'll accept him the way he is. He'll probably realize something. He may not realize it at the instant moment, but... it's worth a shot.

8 Name: No. 2 : 2010-02-14 18:07 ID:2ngxhAsm


Quite engimatic.
What seems clear, at least, is that his oppinion of you changed. The question is why.

The first reason I thought of was because he found out something he didn't know before:

Maybe he percieved you as a sweet girl with a common interest at first and was nice to you and might hope for it to get somewhere, and then found some sides he didn't like or that you lacked something. The difference in age could have contributed to this; you are after all in different stages of life. Maybe you are not old enough for him. So he regret his generousity and tries to end the friendship.

The other reason I thought of is that you misinterpretated his intentions:

He could just have been trying to be helpfull to a fellow Japanese student, in a professional way. Happy that there are people with interest he handed you some old test he had had use of and an anime he didn't need. Maybe he wasn't looking for a personal relationship and when you acted as it was he changed his attitude to show this.

These are the two ideas I can come up with, these are the reasons I could have acted like this (though I am too whimpy to be so rude).
I hope I have been, and will be, of use to you.

Many men are a bit introverted and maybe you overloaded him, another posibility. The only problem is that this would contradict the fact that he was very outwards earlier.


He wants a more badass girl? Well, it is possible, though it would be a risky tactic.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 08:35 ID:vREobu3j

"You should stop advising people 6 years older than you."

Man, that line really pissed me off. Age does not make him any more mature or superior than you.

The guy sounds like a nutcase with split personality. Just don't talk to him at all, or he'll rub off on you.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 13:07 ID:yIk8KUXe

I'm not going to internet diagnose this guy but it sounds a lot like the experiences I've had with someone who has bipolar disorder.

>Just don't talk to him at all, or he'll rub off on you.

Second this hard.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 15:12 ID:fF8ehemK

Really, I (>>3, >>4, & >>7) can't do anything until a first try is done. Accept him the way he is, do something (nonviolent and not hurting yourself) about it... well, those are your two options.

Hey, he does have a nice side too, right?

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 20:50 ID:IyOJsDoZ


I will try and talk to him. I don’t mind accepting him the way he is, I doubt if he’d realize. We are all human beings with our flaws. I know.
Still, that doesn’t mean he should be nasty to me, not all the fucking time. If anyone else did that, let’s just say I’d end it differently.
I am not a meek person. I do speak my mind, and am not afraid to. I don’t want to self-proclaim things here.
But I hope you get the idea, guys.

It’s just that I held back on him because I looked up to him and as much as I hate to say, had a soft corner for him.
If it was anyone else being this rude to me, I wouldn't hold back, I'd give them a taste of their own medicine.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 20:52 ID:IyOJsDoZ


He’s not been in a relationship. Heard it from someone who knows him well.

I’m aware his intention was only to help me as a friend. I didn’t see it as anything more or want it to be anything more.
But I should say I looked up to him as a role model for studying, endurance and hard work. And then I liked him. I didn’t want to. But I did.

I’m aware guys are quite introverted and don’t like many questions all the time.
I never asked him questions all the time. Maybe a couple of doubts, where he did the explaining and that was it.
And he explains a lot and I listened. Well, who do you think did the talking?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 20:54 ID:IyOJsDoZ


I was like “WTF? How does that mean ANYTHING?!” when he typed that.
Also I didn’t give any advice, I merely stated that I wasn't comfortable with what he said.
I didn’t even say things like "You're rude" or "You need to change your behavior"
So I wondered what the hell did he mean by that :\

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-15 21:00 ID:IyOJsDoZ


bipolar disorder? (O_o) Oh boy.
And don’t worry, It won't rub off on me.
I'm considerate about people's feelings. Happened to be considerate about this guy's too. Big mistake.


The nice side is losing the meaning it had to me.
All I see now is the rude side, and it's staring right back at me.
It’s only because I thought of that nice side and held back those times, and it has come down to this.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-16 18:58 ID:ExtHDuYz

Hey OP, I don't know what to say, but I can see you're having a difficult time. I hope it will pass for you...

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-17 03:07 ID:4V1t2fPR

Please keep us posted! I'd hope to see problems resolved!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-17 04:55 ID:ElG1IzcN


Sure, I hope the thread doesn't die...keep it alive!

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-17 08:15 ID:Heaven

Oh just so you know, I don't mean bipolar will rub off on you, I mean that being around someone like that on a regular basis can be really damaging/hurtful and incredibly stressful, their behaviour tends to get worse the closer you are to them. I had to cut that person out of my life completely to get my self back.

20 Name: Xu!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-02-17 15:33 ID:3HScH901

(P.S.: This is >>3, >>4, >>7, >>11, & >>17)

Still hoping for all the best! (I'm constantly checking now... that's new o.o)

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-18 15:26 ID:V4MazBKc

He hasn't got on chat for a while.
He will be back from Japan next month.
(Again, hope the thread lasts)
I'll probably sort things face to face, but till then,
I'd like to hear what everyone has to say and figure it out and understand things at a more clearer level so I'll know what to do then...

22 Name: Xu!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-02-20 00:01 ID:4V1t2fPR

Oye... hope he gets back and gets back in contact with you. Best wishes on your re-encounter!

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-21 20:29 ID:I99wFpiE

I get the feeling that you like him because he makes you feel something. Girls go on date after date with guys asking the exact same questions like they were all given a script. This guy comes along and although the emotions you feel are negative, they're balanced out by the limited good that he throws you. Within the pick-up community, this is known as push-pull. He pulls you in with private lessons and free anime, then pushes you away with childish comments.

The choice you have is to either give him a piece of your mind, or accept it and learn to deal with the way he is. Either way, don't expect him to change.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-23 19:40 ID:olV2sPTW

As much as I hate to admit it, I guess I do.
Yes, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.
I'm gonna say what I have to say. Come what may.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-24 13:19 ID:ypwhyVWp

bump to keep thread going

26 Name: Xu!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-02-24 15:37 ID:3HScH901

** Still waiting **

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-28 03:42 ID:WkXZj5zQ

OP here. Just thought I'd let you guys know he'll be back on March 19 from Japan.

28 Name: Xu!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-03-01 16:14 ID:KYiwH5gP


Good to know!

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-04 20:53 ID:pzBSPz/S

Bump! your story is interesting OP.

30 Name: !3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-03-07 17:00 ID:4V1t2fPR

12 more days!!!

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-08 02:39 ID:aeV+Ph5F

3 more days!!!

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-09 17:24 ID:HSyF9SyK

OP here, it's march 19 not 11 :P lol
But looks like people want to know where this goes,
so I'm happy you guys!

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-14 19:04 ID:EDIwyTKE

It's 29 OP. Dropped by to bump the thread :P

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-19 14:00 ID:RT4mqSt+

He's back! He said he'll see me on Sunday (・ω・)

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-22 14:27 ID:/Lf2aI1a

OP here
Guys you won't believe it, he is like his old self. We are back to being Jedi master and Padawan :D (he calls me his padawan)

I was on a happiness trip the whole day, I felt light as a feather (≧ω≦)
Hopefully this isn't temporary. And I'll let you guys know if anything else happens :)

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-25 00:50 ID:HyCL8aBc

News, give us news!

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-28 19:25 ID:7DixekJc

Op here guys, today in Japanese class, he had brought us stuff back from Japan. I got a Gashopon of Alphonse Elric from FMA!
It's so cute!

Not just that, he also patted me on my shoulder and told me to study well (・ω・) Today was the first time he patted me.

And I died, went to heaven and am back typing this post down.
I'm very happy today (∩_∩)

So guys, what do you say? ヾ(・ω・)ノ

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-28 20:50 ID:wi5tnrPd

Well, he was kind to you. Probably a little bit more than to other students, it seems.

Keep your soft approach going. Looks like that's the way to getting closer to him.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-01 05:52 ID:8UCdZYK/

Sure thing, I'll do that. I'll let you know if anything interesting happens this Sunday!

40 Name: !3GqYIJ3Obs : 2010-04-01 13:04 ID:x/Liblrk

It's been so long since I've been on this site...

but to check out what's been happening to the OP, it sounds great! ^o^

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-13 05:37 ID:eYG8G10e

I didn't' see him on Sunday but I did see him on Saturday because we had a farewell of our Japanese Teacher. She is going back to Japan. He may not come to Japanese class as he is taking up the final level which is just self-study...

He seems to be reverting back to the old, cold self.
If I show concern, he acts like I offended him.
I don't even fuss over his cold, I just tell him to get better soon and that's all!
He never replies to any of my IMs.
He is probably afraid I'll talk a lot to him again, but I wouldn't (>_<)
I can't tell if he likes me or hates me anymore.
I cannot understand. I also don't understand why I like him.
I feel dumb.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-14 06:43 ID:Xz4hsGvd

He picked a fight with me again.
I'm gonna ignore him...

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-18 20:11 ID:77bUuHO1

he was sorry and we're back on track. This is sweet ;]

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-19 01:33 ID:afe6h1x7


Regardless, don't expect him to change. If he does, it likely won't have much permanence.

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-19 04:13 ID:5C4GtR4y


Ah well, C'est la vie I guess.
It's the love-hate waves that keep this boat sailing :]
This is turning out to be more amusing than I thought, for some reason :D :P

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-19 04:15 ID:5C4GtR4y


I can't bring myself to 'hate' him. He is my Jedi master, like I mentioned before :)
And besides, I just thought; what is life without a bit of upsy-downsy (^_^)

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-19 04:29 ID:afe6h1x7


But will you be so willing to compromise as such when the infatuation is gone? Keep that in mind.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-19 19:01 ID:/sorehp5


I'll cross that bridge when I get there (^_^)
But yes, I will keep that in mind :)

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-20 14:03 ID:LOkAnTPK

It's just like that other Anon said. He's playing "push-pull" with you in a bad way. You're getting played like a chump, young lady, and I say this to you because I've been there. And because I've been there, I know you wont listen to me, but I feel I should let you know anyway. :\

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-21 19:39 ID:XybDLgJH


I will listen to you. If I don't listen now;
I will look back and think, if only I had listened.

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-04-25 21:11 ID:Y/fYExLd


Not OP
But I don't think OP is in a situation of the extent she is getting 'played' :( is she?

52 Name: Hopeless : 2010-04-28 14:15 ID:3urR6Ic7

Wake up u're in <3 .... hhhh xD

53 Name: nursing heart : 2010-05-06 04:00 ID:MVd+OQZ3

"the more you hate, the more you love" bear that in mind. note than some guys tend to annoy you so that they could hide their feelings and at the same time to make himself be noticed by you...

54 Name: Wonderfelt : 2010-05-09 16:31 ID:BJYvB356

as long as he makes you in a state where your head is full of thoughts about him ... may it be anger love or your worried .. you will get confused more and more .. and will eventually break .. and speak your true feelings for him .. most of the time .. you confesses how much you hate him .. and afterwards .. you will tell him that even if thats the case .. I cant stop loving you .. well good luck .. if u ever need advice just mail me .. --- well good luck .

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