For the second time in my life I've begun to fall for a close friend of mine. I'm dramatically more than a touch awkward socially (still haven't been on a date at 27), and the last time I fell for a friend of mine... Suffice to say, that even without confessing my feelings for her, I managed to screw that relationship up royally. And now I find myself here again. I know that she's not interested in me, She, at times, finds me mildly annoying, and my tall stature triggers a degree of claustrophobia for her.

In the end I suppose there's no real point in posting this, there's no way for a relationship between she and I to ever work out, or progress beyond what it is. I suppose I just really needed to speak my mind somewhere.

You'll move on and it will be okay.

>>1 No problem to vent here. What is your current social situation though?

>>3 With her? We're roommates. Other than that I'm single, and have never actually been in a romantic relationship.

I genuinely understand how it feels to be told time after time that "everything will be okay." It isn't what you want to hear at times like this, but nevertheless, it's true. Also, with such a negative attitude towards yourself, how can you expect somebody else to look at you in the way that you would like? You need to excrete happiness and positivity to attract others!

Keep fighting!

I don't know if I would go so far as to say I have a negative attitude towards myself; though I can see how I'd come across that way.

As I said before, I'm rather tall (6'8"), somewhat handsome (according to my friends), and do tend to draw people to me (often whether I want to or not).

Part of my problem stems from not knowing how to talk to girls in a sense outside that of friendship, and haven't the foggiest idea how to talk to a girl outside of that capacity. Why the particular situation I'm in with my friend right now is so frustrating, is that not only is this the second time I've wound up in the situation of falling for a friend of mine; but these two times I've fallen for a friend of mine are actually the only two times I've actually fallen for someone.

Although it's difficult for me I do go out of my way to put myself in social situations where I might meet like minded people; but that's about all I know how to do.

Again, I'm not sure if I'd say I have a negative attitude towards myself; but I would say that I'm not an optimist, I just play one on TV. I tend to keep up a positive, friendly front; but to say that I lack confidence is completely fair. In love or not I've been hoping and trying to find someone for nearly half my life now, and when I do find someone, it's a friend who I can't bear to lose, and by pursuing her, I would lose her. It's not exactly an encouraging situation.

Anyways, that bloomed out further than I had expected it to, sorry.

Ah, there's no need to apologize! That's what this is for, haha. :)

But, I do understand where you're coming from. It's understandable to not know how to talk to a girl, or how to act around a girl when you've never really been in a relationship outside of friendship. It's like riding a bike, right? That's extremely corny, but you fumble around until you finally get it right. So, don't feel too terrible about that, at the very least! I remember that I was always a total goon when it came to talking to a guy when feelings started coming into the equation.

Also, I understand not wanting to loose somebody (who is already a great friend) by pursuing them. I've went through the same thing. It's difficult, but I've learned, in at least my own experience, that if the other person has the same feelings as you do, the relationship will happen. And if you know for certain that your friend doesn't harbor those same feelings, I advise you to turn your thoughts away from her. It will save you so much trouble and distress. Instead, you should focus your energy on finding somebody who won't find you even mildly annoying in the least, and finds your tallness charming. Haha. :) I assure you, that person is out there.

Thank you.

I know that you're right. That being said, this pain will take some time to work through.

For the moment, I will continue to stand by her for as long as she will permit me to do so. As you said, if, at some juncture she does begin to manifest these feelings for me, then that path may be explored.

I suppose the next step in the interim, will be to continue learning.

Again, thank you.

And that's the way it should be. These things always take time to work through, but time is a good thing. In time, everything will come into place.

Also, you're welcome. :) I wish you the best in all of your love-related endeavors!

>Part of my problem stems from not knowing how to talk to girls in a sense outside that of friendship, and haven't the foggiest idea how to talk to a girl outside of that capacity.

Talk to them as if they are friends. That's all you have to do. If there are any reciprocal feelings "there", you'll realize it. Just get ready for a lot of games if you do start anything.

nods An old friend of mine once told me that the best relationships come from friendship first.

That said, I tend to be ridiculously overly analytical when it comes to looking at the behavior of people I'm not that familiar with (my friends who are girls are either all in a relationship, or completely disinterested in the idea of a relationship with me).

For example, there's a girl at my job, we work different departments and have only ever exchanged basic pleasantries before; but, spontaneously she was trying to initiate conversations with me over our breaks last week, and my brain kinda freaked out (I myself was calm, composed, and (I think) friendly; but my brain was in a near panic state). Later I kept trying to analyze what had happened, was she just being polite, was she making conversation, was she interested in me? Then I would attempt to ask my brain, which would only respond by playing Benny Hill music, suffice to say that wasn't very helpful.

In any case, yay for continuing forward into confusion!