can i get some advice? (17)

1 Name: lovechan : 2008-08-26 05:41 ID:Xrk/sNMm

i'm real young, like 15 years. so my lyrics will probably suck. ass. i'm new to this so idk about bridges and shit.
well i know what they are i just don't know how to use them myself.
but still i'd like some opinions xP it's really short. any suggestions?

i imagine it to be rnb...

thinking back, maybe
i should've known from the start
about the games you'd be playing
that would damage my heart
you never knew baby
how i felt about you
and honestly i already knew
you'd fall out soon too
and now we're sitting here
still discussin the matter at hand
i know i told you once but imma tell you again

you got what i need
i hope you see i do.
and i think you'd need me too
oh baby please
keep your excuse
how would you feel if you
were the one just being used
just baby please.

yes, this song is just for you
nobody else baby
it's all about you
you're my main squeeze
and my mvp
you made me feel cooler
and refreshed like burts bees

love, don't forget the situation at hand
a relationship takes work
there's a lot in command

2 Name: ♪ ☆ Anonymous Popstar ☆ ♪ : 2008-08-26 06:41 ID:wyLJ08JR

Oh god the cheeziness... hm.
Maybe try using more rhyming. More assonance/aliterations (wonder if those words exist in english, well it's too early for me to bother, just search for them).

Think about your song structure. The bridges are supposed to be the parts that melt the verses into the chorus.

Well then again, if you're considering rnb... meh.

3 Name: ♪ ☆ Anonymous Popstar ☆ ♪ : 2008-08-26 16:00 ID:cET3A8MX

4 Name: DQN : 2008-08-26 17:11 ID:Heaven


5 Name: lovechan : 2008-08-26 23:36 ID:Xrk/sNMm

>>3 lmao

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11 Name: lovechan : 2008-08-27 07:20 ID:Xrk/sNMm

. . . . . .fuck that i quit.

12 Name: ♪ ☆ Anonymous Popstar ☆ ♪ : 2008-08-27 19:14 ID:wyLJ08JR

This is not 4chan. Piss off.

Nevermind him. There's a request board to report spammers.
Did you work on your text a little more?

13 Name: lovechan : 2008-08-30 06:55 ID:Xrk/sNMm I thought it'd be hopeless.

14 Name: ♪ ☆ Anonymous Popstar ☆ ♪ : 2008-08-30 14:10 ID:wyLJ08JR

Well if you don't work on it it sure is hopeless.

Writing is a skill you need to practice, much as drawing or music writing. Your first pieces will probably not be good. And even after that, the first drafts never are good.

Very few good songs are written over a night.

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16 Name: ♪ ☆ Anonymous Popstar ☆ ♪ : 2008-12-05 06:14 ID:3rpa8Apu

i agree. i've tried many a time and i still suck. I truly believe practice does make perfect.

17 Name: onyxmizer : 2008-12-05 14:51 ID:ddLzQANd

i dont think it's bad, like others have said, just keep writing. what kind of music do you listen too? I find it helps to emulate an artist when I need something to write about.

I like to write like MFdoom, and although it's not all that great, it give a goal in mind to help push you to a style you like as well as a better understanding of lyrics.

read, write, and breath in the lyrics all the time. you'll get better :)

also, be more confident you silly bird.

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