Hikikomori (ひきこもり) (118)

117 Name: Anonymous : 2008-07-20 14:47 ID:Evs3igMA

I stayed in my room for about two years.
I'd never been very socialy confident, and after a bunch of traumatic stuff happened i became very mistrustful of people and very anxious about going places like malls, social gatherings, etc, even about phonecalls. It was always anxiety before i did something, even though i would mostly be fine while i was out shopping or talking on the phone etc. But the anxiety just became worse and worse, and i felt that nobody cared about me, dealing with other human beings in any way became stressful, and i started going places less and less, and didnt' feel relaxed uneless i was in my room, away from everyone, safe from all things which could cause me stress.

It became worse as time passed; anytime i went outside became more stressful and unpleasant than it had previously been because i had been avoiding it, and because people noticed and commented like 'oh, you went outside?!' which made me feel bad about myself and highlighted my problem. So i avoided it even more.

But my peace couldn't last forever. I became progressively more and more stressed out about the amount of time i was wasting; the need to make a life for myself, start a career etc. Finaly it was more stressful to stay in my room and do nothing than to go out and start studying etc. It was hard at first to resume a normal life, nad i had to do it slowly, but i managed. It's still a bit stressful sometimes to be around people, but im mostly over it.

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