heres the deal, im 17.
I graduated high school early, but thats not the point, even since I Graduated high school, I Realized that school was pretty much my only social life. its where I interacted with my friends and what not, since graduating, I havent had a social life, I have friends, and yes, I have attempted to "have" a scocial life, but I dont really enjoy it, its been three weeks since I've left my house- actually, I think four.
its been about two months since I've done anything socially. my room is in the basement, and the only light I have is from my monitor, I keep my lights off because I'm sensitive to them and they make my eyes hurt alot, I realize that this is not good for me, but to tell the truth, I would rather just sit in my room by myself. I get annoyed at people very easily and I do not like people in general. I lived with my dad before I graduated and he sent me to an institution for a week, I wont discuss that because it is another story for another time, ever since that day I told him that I would never forgive him and I moved back in with my mother. since about december of 2006 (I didnt even get to have a proper birthday because I was in the hospital) I have been having nightmares related to the hospital and being "locked up" in generalm this includes nightmares of being sent to prison.
Even when I do go out, I am a mute, not by having to be able to be a mute, but because of choice, I cannot talk to people, I have a feeling that if I try to start a conversation with someone, they will end up hating me, and that just makes me want to stay inside even more.
I'm pretty sure this will all end in about two months, my 18th birthday and I will be able to go out and work, I cannot work very well right now because I live in a small town and we dont really have alot of jobs, all of the good jobs are in the city.
So- whats wrong with me?
>>1
People worth paying attention to aren't going to end up hating you for nothing. Unless you randomly start insulting them, and out of the blue slice off the throat of their puppy/kitten. Though I guess that hardly constitues as nothing...
You have social phobia galore, lots of other problems, and overthink things. Stop focusing on the worst case scenarios, it's not a realistical, nor constructive, nor useful way of living. Being aware of them isn't the same as letting them dictate your life.
Why do you get easily annoyed at people? Do you feel they're not playing according to rules they magically should be aware of, since you see those rules and mechanisms as such an integral part of (your) reality? That they're being difficult just for the sake of annoying/frustrating you?
I dont know, I just think they're annoying, and I get annoyed easily, I think its because Its because of my months of not being around people. They havent really done anything, but for some reason I just dont do it.
for example, I was talking with my mother today because we saw some stupid-assed windsheild graphic that said "thiknss"- which I guess is supposed to say "Thickness"- I explained to her that I can understand if you want to spell things like with "z's" and stuff but thats just going overboard.
my mother: "well it doesnt have a Z in it.."
and I just gave up and didnt want to further explain what I was talking about because I felt like it was hopeless.
>>3
Hopeless? So, you feel that you cannot change people, and that any attempt to do so will be met with hostility?
Is it just your entire situation that feels hopeless, and that your fellow humans feels like a part of that whole, and thus your situation with them is inherently hopeless, or?
The reason for why I'm asking a fuckload of questions is because if you really want to make your life better, you need to know why you subconsciously keep it the way it is. That helps a bloodly lot with the process, annoyingly enough.
Yeah pretty much.
Get more sleep, eat more red meat, stick your head out the door and suck in some (hopefully) fresh air. Then...go for a walk? No angst there, right? Just a friendly little walk.
Sunlight helps to produce Vitamin D within the human body. Vit. D helps with complexion, natural sleep cycles, testosterone production, muscle growth, and, utimately, sex appeal. Get some baby!
I'm interested in the institution you were talking about, would you tell us that story too please?
Otherwise, I can give you some advice, since I was a much less severe case than you... Just give people a chance, and realize that not everyone is perfect and have fun with that. You're not perfect yourself, and maybe other people get annoyed with you in the same way. Have patience and explain yourself, and you will seem like a much more interesting person. Also, try to joke around as much as possible, no matter the person, you will get along better if you're both laughing. At the very least, you'll feel more comfortable living when you're laughing.
I've become a functioning member of society. I don't do too much, you know, but I do go out on weekends and spend time with people. Since it seems like you have a lot of spare time, try going to some place that you're comfortable, where you might meet people with similar interests (like a cyber cafe if you like gaming). Strike up a conversation and see if they continue it. Cyber cafe doesn't seem like such a great place, as other people there are most likely shy as well.
If you have a phobia of talking to people, talk to those that you perceive as being inferior to yourself (be it mentally, socially, or in appearance). It'll build your confidence with interacting with people in general.
Well, I just spent about 30 minutes typing it up, and I lost it because I got an error saying I went over by 1000 characters, I am still here and im still reading the thread, I'll type the thread up in wordpad and post it here.
i guess ur biggest problem is lack of confidence. when u are confident enough, every thing works well whatever u do, but when u have no confidence, things tend to go wrong and u begin to dislike doing those(get annoyed so easily)
I dont have confidence because I had alot of problems from when I started school up to ninth grade.
When I got to highschool they eventually stopped though.
>>1
i understand u mon..
me often think that other ppl should just eat shit and die
dogs, cats, horses and animals in general are very good companions, give it a try mon it's worth it i promise. and plants, too
in my opinion the above creatures are those worthy of our attention, caring and love. humans are just stupid sick bastards and should always be treated from behind a gun or a sword, nothing more
most humans are sick bastards there is always an exception to the rule
i agree w/ #8
u should maybe get a pet or get something 2 talk 2 2 build up ur confidence.
it sound silly but it will work.
& just talking online is a step 4word! if ur okay w/ us then u can be w/ other ppl.
Maybe i know nothing of the matter, or maybe i know too much of the problem.
I think you should learn how to sociealize online if you have problem with it. I was heading your way once when i ws younger but then stumbled on a rp server on NWN where i spend the following year, meeting people having fun and generally becoming part of the group.
After that you will go find fellow mindet people, if you do not know any then find them, since you hang around in here i would assume you are anime fan?
If so, yo ushould have some level of expertice in anime (hell yeah maybe not) but whatever, if you have something yo uare sure you know something about and find other fellow mindet people, you can be confident about that one matter and be part of their social group.
And what is great about anime/net-peeps social groups is that they are used to people that are socially akward... well begause yeah generalizing but bite me. Most people who are confortable online are a bit out-of-touch from the mainstream "lets be cool" line.
(Yeah stereotypes, but its true.)
Is too.
(No seriously base the argument on something, but then again, de-trailing.)
You're still young. You will see more.
Young? I actually think being 21 makes me part of the older cast on this site.
But well, young people think they are old.
The title of this thread is a copout. No one wants to be socially inept. Humans are social creatures, and as much as some of us would like to deny that, it's built into us.
>>20
But that's just waht you think. There are probably at least a few people who love to be.
Sigh...
Hello, guys. This is the first time I've talked to anyone online in a while; at least, anytime that didn't involve a 4chan raid.
I'm almost in the exact same boat as >>1-san, but with a couple of differences. Currently, I am in an an advanced high school program, along 176 others like myself, where I take all of my classes up at the local community college. However, despite being in a proverbial social gold mine, I don't feel like talking to people. I stay busy with school and extracurricular activities, and then I come home and stay up all night lurking on message boards.
Slowly but surely, I've lost most of my motivation to even go to class. The only reason I get up in the morning is because I know that if I don't do it my mom will be unhappy. Also, there is a sense of false optimism from time-to-time that it will help my future. But, still, I'm miserable on the inside.
I am the stereotypical loser. I have never had a girlfriend, I do not have a driver's license yet, I have never had to work a day in my life, and most of all, at the age of 17, I'm still a virgin. Everyone around me is very sexually active beyond even high school levels. I want to be like that, but at the same time I feel like trying to maintain a relationship like that would be too much fucking trouble. Therefore, I've pretty much given up on friends or any sort of social contact.
End of Part One
Part Two
So, in the past half-year, I've become very aware of my mental condition. I've become apathetic to all the things that used to make me happy. I just sit in my room looking at porn and studying endlessly. Basically, it's come down to wanking and reading to make myself at least a little less morose.
Then I started going to all of the online support boards: the Involuntary Celibate boards, the Love-Shy boards, and even the SoSuave/Don Juan boards. I found the Incel and Love-Shy groups to be full of snivelling, egocentric idiots, and the Don Juan board was full of flamers who were apathetic to my situation. In the end, here I am back at 4-ch.
I may not be a Hikkikomori yet, but I am close. Once I graduate high school with my Associate's Degree, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I'm so fucking indecisive it even pisses me off. I long human contact, but at the same time there's all of these unwritten social rules and regulations. It's so fucking bothersome! I'm starting to become Satou from Welcome to the NHK.
I know the source of my unhappiness, but I am unwilling to fix it. It's like I sabotage every effort I make to better myself. I've probably read at least 35 or more self-help and self-improvement books, but I didn't take their advice at all. I wrote it all off as hopeless. People at support groups gave me sound advice, but I just made excuses. I want everything to become my ideal, but at the same time, I just want to stay the same. I don't know what the hell I want! I've had the thought of killing myself before, but I realized that I would never have the courage of going through with it. Perhaps I should just become a Hikkikomori and live out my life through the net. I'm scared of talking to people in real life.
What do you think guys? Am I just a completely fucking hopeless case now?
Last year I took a look at the attendance sheet in my calculus class, out of 24 people or so 4 where 19. I went home, talked to parents and finally convinced them to let me stay in a high school one more year. My average was 65%, i say they are very trusty parents to let me do that.
This year I am 18 an applying for engineering AND my social life is turning for better. the only change that has been is that FINALLY i am working towards some goal and it seems like the rest just comes in natural.
Well it depends on a person I guess... I get bored easily... So I like to lots of different things. Try something new and see what happens... If ur not satisfied with ur life. Try asking your friends to do fun things(That is totally unpredictable. EX> sushi party that I had before = It was successful and everyone had fun) I had never tried that so I did try it and it was very successful. So if you think ur life is bad... Then try something new for change. Try different things.
Also make new friends if you think you would like to meet new pplz. For talking... I am a bit silent sometimes too... But really all it needs is a courage. Besides there isn't much to lose.
For relationships: If you can't find someone... Try blind dating, ask ur friends to hook you up etc.
Just try something new and see.
Good luck 1 and 22! Hope it goes well.
>>25
Back when I actually had friends, I tried the blind dating thing. I didn't like the results. My friends purposely set me up with this really ugly chick and wouldn't stop laughing about it a year later. Needless to say, I stopped associating with them.
i have friends but i ignore them because i dont think they are my real friends. I have one best friend. I chill with him sometimes. as for the rest i just chill at home and thats it. i just study and try to transfer in to this university. I'd like to leave the USA. its funny cause in high school i was crazy. i partied like a maniac. but now i'm just relaxed. but recently i'm starting to feel the wild side come out again. But its just the sex side not the drinking and all that. So right now i'm trying to fuck as much as i can.
i dont think there is anything wrong with isolating yourself from the world. some people are more comfortable alone
but you have to balance things out
OP -
Here's a stupid idea that might have good results; smoke weed with a group of people. I'm not sure exactly how you would find someone (you have to do it with the right people), but you'd be surprised (or possibly not) by how many people do so. Ask around. It's an excuse to hang out with people that relieves social pressure/duties when you're around them, and doing so will start familiarity with the people you do so with. Outsource from there.
Besides, it might reduce the surreal stress you feel from being canned up all the time.
actually, that can either help or make it worst sup sup.. some people who have anxiety problems or depression will make their feelings worst. weed can either affect you in a good way or bad. it all depends on the person. as for me, it made my anxiety worst. the best way to relieve stress in my opinion is to have sex. If its hard to find a partner, then I suggest you pop some xanies or klonopin or valium. that will surely relieve stress..
I wouldn't recommend adding drug addictions to your list of problems.
The thing is: You're only 17!!!
I'm 20 and not much better off than you, believe me, you're not alone. However hopeless you may feel, and however cliche'd it may be, you have your whole life ahead of you, and infinite possibilities.
I guess you have to work your way up slowly to overcome the inertia. One tiny step at a time. Once you get started things will get easier.
Well, I guess good advice, as they say, is only good for passing on to your neighbor.