First off I am a 19 year old NEET living with my mom which isn't a great situation. Secondly I am am idiot as seen through my own writing for some reasons proccesing in certain situations is slower than most, I have a bad memory with EVERYTHING from where I put someting to 1+1, socially I am inept, also correct grammar and spelling evade me. I am a failure as a person I know I haven't done anything in my life even worthy of mention if I died while writing this. l just don't know what the hell I am going to do with my life I can't get a job because I to fucking afraid of changing my routine boring life. Also I live in a high crime area so I guess I have a good excuse no I don't my mom takes a fucking almost 2 hour trip to go a job which she hates to feed my lazy ass but I still sit in front of a fucking computer all day long doing nothing cept fapping, watching anime, and other useless crap I feel horrible about this but do nothing to change it. As I have said before I am quite the stupid fuck my grades overall were bad and math skills were abismal in grade school I never went to english and now can't even write I damn essay properly if I wanted to the only I did reasonably well in was in history but having such knowledge is useless in this world the one guy I did know that went to college for history ended up dropping out soon after and ended up becoming a damn pothead. I've never had a damn job in my life and I don't want to get one of these shitty food service jobs or end up doing physical labor because I am one weak bastard. I can find my way around the inside of a computer but I have neither enough exprience or knowledge to consider making it profession. I really just don't know what the hell to do. I could take small steps but in what direction? I am too stupid to go to college also I am too lazy to get a job.
Knowing all of this suicide has definitly came up as an available option within my mind. I also know I could improve my life but in reality I don't know how to go about making myself a better person. I am probably not going to jump in front of a bus tommorow or anything but I right now I don't know what I might do in this state.
first thing that you really need to focus on is education. maybe not going to college, but you need to have a solid grasp of grammar and spelling. you could start by reading plenty of books - real books, not e-books. if you cant afford to be constantly buying books then join a library, and i think there might be book sharing clubs on the internet where you mail books to other people and they mail others to you. as for the maths, this is something i need to work on (cant do any mental arithmetic anymore) - my idea is to just go buy a load of those books that young kids at school have, just full of different sums, and work my way up the age groups. this will help build a foundation for later on - whether for a job or for further education (perhaps retaking school, going to a night school etc)
as for not being able to make a career from computers - i think its perfectly possible to get into that line of work, but youve got to realise that it wont come to you. you have to put in the legwork to find out what sort of experience/qualifications you need, rather than just sitting there thinking "oh shit theres no way i know enough about it so i may as well not try". i think youll find you know a lot more than you think! as for work experience, you might have to volunteer or do something really shitty in an office, just being a dogsbody for the IT staff but at least its something very useful to have on your resumé.
on a side note, you say you dont want to do physical labout because you're weak - would you be open to the idea if you were in shape? just wondering, because i think it would help your situation in general if you took up some form of exercise. its a great way to combat depression/procrastination etc and you'll not only feel happier because of the endorphins released, but youll also be a lot more confident in changing the routine of your life. even if its not to get a job, it would certainly help to be physically fit in everything you do. if you obviously look after yourself, then any future employer will be more open to your application because you will transfer the same care to the job.
You complain too much. Start looking at things positively and work from there.
stop being a pussy and man up
Start. With. Fullstops. It. Helps. Break. Big. Issues. Up. To. Make. It. Easier. To. Process. Get. My. Drift?
>>1
the fact that you realize you are lazy and know that you need to change is a start at least. Draw upon that as a strength and push for change
OP here...
Yeah I wrote that in notepad one day and someone else decided to copypasta it here. Anyway yeah all that stuff is true...
I am going to enroll in my nearest community college in the summer..
I've also decided to start doing solitary workouts in my room..I can't bring myself to go to a gym...
Still haven't found any work yet that is my only main problem...I have my available options but I don't know what I what to do in that regard...
Solitary workouts are fine; I find they're quite enjoyable. I don't much care for gyms either. I'm too self-conscious.
Glad to hear that some things are looking up. I've got a lot of work to do in this area as well. I'm not sure if I want to go back to school or try to find work, but we both seem to lack the will power to do either.
Heh, it's simple cowardice!