I don´t know much about hikikomori,but I would like to learn. How is it suppossed to end? the boys realize they can´t continue like that, and from one day they decide joining again the society?
And also: do they take advantage of their "free-time" to think about the sense of life,the roles in society, relationships,etc??.
I really would like to understand more. Thanks all
Depends on the individual.
Why did you use "Boys"? Certainly, there are female hikikomori. Even moreso, there are hikikomori who are "men," not "boys".
It ended for me when I met a guy on Myspace, and we began going out to eat from time to time. He was understanding of my anxiety problems, and didn't mind them. After a few months of this, I no longer feared going out in public so much. I wanted to be rid of my anxiety altogether, so I began walking around town a few times a week. Six months later, I'm completely free of anxiety which controlled my life for five years, and I even have a job now.
During my years as a hikikomori, I certainly did think about the point of life and relationships. I wanted these things, but my anxiety was so horrible that I couldn't leave the house. I had no clue where to begin making friends or anything of the sort. I was extremely depressed and didn't know what to do. Meeting the guy on Myspace was just really lucky. I think it would be extremely hard to stop being a hikikomori without a friend to help.
I'm still a hikikomori, five years and counting.
However I did go outside today, I hate doing that, can't even look people in the eye.
I'll always be like this, even if I do get some form of a social life I don't think my view on outside life and people will ever change.
I used to be very interested in the world, I started learning languages and read about other cultures, but I can't stand society.
>>4 Same here, i used to be completely different ..but it's been two years since i've completely became a shut in (not hikki, i do leave my room lol and when i'm forced to go outside for food,etc..etc..). I DESPISE Society , but it has not always been that way..being diagnosed with avpd and other things makes it all harder. ,>>3 You are lucky i guess, i have never met someone who understood my anxiety..it's even worse when i tried to explain it..they look me all weird and shit..UGH.
But there is still HOPE, The universe will die and so will humans^^
While not being an hikikomori, I can see 5 ways in which things can evolve:
>>I don´t know much about hikikomori,but I would like to learn. How is it suppossed to end?
Suicide.
Mix up some household chemicals and a cockroach into a cup. Drink.
I'm a semi-hikikomori, I guess, and much of it is probably inadvertent, although I'm hard of hearing. I'm working on a dissertation and I can access it from my computer at home, and that's why I'm a bit hikikomorish right now. The other problem is that I can't understand what people are saying, and that's a problem. I understand writing very well, but writing taketh longer than talking does, and so people would rather talk than write.
what should I do?
and, no, suicide is not an option, so in before "an hero" or any of that crap.
Have you considered learning sign language?
I don't mean that it's the only solution, but it can be interesting, fun and useful. I have no hearing problems, but I would still like to learn it (I would find it fascinating to be able to talk without sound, like in a noisy place, or across a window, etc).
Once again, it's perhaps not THE solution to your social isolation, but it could be a neat thing for you to do, and you are sure to meet new people if you attend classes,...
>>10
Yeah...and there's a "but" to that. Much sign language can be read out of books, but try holding a book and practicing sign language; moreover, when I tried sign language with other people, it was in a group where practically everyone was a signer (and talked rapidly with each other, too). I didn't know most of the words and couldn't keep up with them.
There was a promising after school class in ASL many many moons ago, but it was some sort of summer or seasonal program and it fizzled - too many folks around me were English-speakers and I'm also an English-speaker and an English-writer, so guess which language I went with. LOL.
and writing in asl isn't very efficient. Look at all the drawings showing how people make signs.
Don't try to learn sign language alone. It's the kind of activity that is more fun and efficient to learn with others. I think books are only useful as reference.
As for your difficulties in a group, it just means that you were not in the right group for you given your proficiency level. Find a beginner's group that is more adapted to you.
Learning a language is not easy, but you don't need to be good right away. You just have to take your time learning, and have fun along the way,...
First,thanks to all for answering. It was my first post here and I´m really satisfied.
>>3 : You´re right, it was my mistake to mention only boys but that´s because I thought they were the majority of hikikomoris. I´m glad you have met that great friend to help you :)
>> 5 : Well, I´m sure it must be hard to get some understanding,but there are a lot of people who feel like you and maybe you haven´t met them yet( which doesn´t mean they don´t exist). I would suggest theraphy maybe or some web sites. this one seems interesting:
http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/?sidemenu
Best wishes for you :)>> 6 : Thanks for having thought so many options, I hadn´t considered all of them.
Greetings to all of you and thanks again!!I used to be at least semi-hikki; no friends, no leaving house, spending almost every second of the day in my room, barely speaking to anyone, ever, at all...
Eventualy the stress of so much time going by while i acheived nothing became too much, and so I made the decision to re-join society.
I started out with smaller things to prepare me for living a more normal life. I went for walks, I talked on the phone, I went out shopping and collected new clothes to wear in public so i'd feel more comfortable. After a while, I started a course. At first, it was kinda hard, I was uncomfortable around so many people etc, and every day I did something embarassing [tripping over, saying stupid things, other social blunders]... the bad feelings slowly went away, and sometimes i even enjoy going to my classes and being with friends.
>>17
Thanks a lot for your comment. I´m glad you can feel better with yourself and with society in general now. I guess that sooner or later hikkis realize that the best thing to do is trying to interact with people (although they may not like it). It´s not easy for me either but nobody can be completely alone. Greetings
>>20
Yeah, you know... like when you need to pee, so instead of leaving the room to go to the toilet, you pick up the nearest empty Gatorade bottle.
Yea, that's pretty much what happened to me too. I would watch anime, I also started reading books, and I envied the social interaction I found in them. Eventually, something has got to give and you want to rejoin society in a way. Maybe not completely, but at least to a degree that satisfies you. You could simply be an introvert and not prefer large social gatherings anyhow, which is perfectly fine. I would say that I'm more sociable than I was before, but I still have a few kinks to work out. Takes time, but think of it, if you didn't try then what else what else would you do? It may be daunting and intimidating at first to interact, but just think about the pay off once you become more comfortable. The reward is a confident, beautiful self-concept form which you can interact with the exterior world.
A suggestion would be to maybe find other unsociable types on the interweb and help each other out? Like maybe one in your area were you could meet up? Joining classes or clubs, both of which interest you - as has been previously mentioned - is a great idea. So is taking walks and such. Buying simple items like candy every now and then is good too if you have a fear of buying items from a cashier like I did. Hope that helps!