So many people post on here saying they've got social problems- can't ake friends, nervous around people, can't talk to women, hikkikomori, etc...
Does anyone else agree with me that it would be really helpful if there was like, some kind of groups for social incompetent types to go to and practice/gain social skills etc? Where we wouldn't have to be embarassed about how socially incompetent we were since everyone else was too?
This exists,... There are plenty of web sites and fora devoted to the issue of how to date and meet people.
Also, don't forget that people ask questions when they have a problem, happiness is uneventful. So you might get a skewed view, if you think that what you read here is representative.
I dunno, web sites don't really solve the problem. If anything it just gives a hikikomori one more reason to stay home glued to the screen.
What annoys me is school doesn't teach this sort of thing. When you think about it, it would be the perfect opportunity (unless someone's so bad they didn't go to school...) But as always, all the important things you're supposed to know how to do in life aren't taught.
On the contrary, school is an excellent place to learn about socializing. It's just that the teaching happens outside of classes, when students are among each other,...
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While it's true that you're supposed to learn social skills in school, they're not going to teach you. You have to acquire them on your own, which works most of the time, but if you don't have a some decent skills already to interact with others you're pretty much fucked.
Also most people are raging extrovert assholes (especially to the socially awkward) which doesn't make it any easier.
Ok,... let's try to imagine how would a social skills "teacher" operate, and see if there is something that could be done better than presently:
The best way to encourage people to socialize, is to gather them in groups sharing common interests. This is why a school has clubs (sports clubs, theater club, gaming club, whatever).
To facilitate interaction, it's also a good idea to make them DO something together. Teamwork and common projects are a plus here (have a basket ball team, shoot a movie together, organize a science project, do a field trip).
So now we were able to encourage contact, but it's nothing new, schools already have these activities. What is lacking is to teach how to develop and maintain a relationship (be it friendship or something else).
Should we have classes on how you should not be too self-centered, that it helps to have a genuine interest in the other person, and that being a jerk is unhelpful? Perhaps, but it looks to me that it would be tough to have that kind of classes.
Usually your family and friends teach you the proper way to behave yourself with others (for instance, if you do mistakes, you lose friends). Should a teacher replace these people? That looks a lot like counseling, and I'm doubtful whether students would really use teachers for such intimate matters.
I do think that it would be better if these kind of social skills could be taught as easily as maths, but I don't see a way. If you have suggestions, I'm interested,...
I was almost always in the Go Home Club at school. I didn't join any clubs because none of them suited my interests. I didn't create my own club because I didn't think I knew how at the time. You know, school had a lot of clubs, and a limited number of clubrooms. And non-clubs weren't permitted to use noticeboards, so I have no idea how I would have gotten members, and that's already making the big assumption that there would have been enough other people in the school interested in the same things.
Incidentally, I was staying in the boarding school. So my parents weren't able to shape me much during the high school period, and in many ways it really was supposed to be the school's job. You would think that boarding school would be good for making friends, but I found it to be full of jackasses. There were a few decent people but not enough to make up for the assholes.
So yeah, I think classes in how to be a decent human being would have been really useful too.
I just found it ironic that school teaches you all sorts of things, but then when you get out into the real world and your life sucks, you look back and realise all the things you were supposed to learn weren't taught, and what you did learn (all the way up to university) became irrelevant after a year or two of real work.
>I just found it ironic that school teaches you all sorts of things, but then when you get out into the real world and your life sucks, you look back and realise all the things you were supposed to learn weren't taught, and what you did learn (all the way up to university) became irrelevant after a year or two of real work.
People often feel like that, but they often underestimate the usefulness of what they learned,... I mean, you can't survive without reading skills, and you got that at school.
But it's true that school/university will not teach you all about what life is going to throw at you. At best, the give you an opportunity to start off in a protected environment, and how to learn to learn, when you are in a situation where you need to develop new skills. School really is often more about learning to learn, rather than what was exactly learned.
>School really is often more about learning to learn, rather than what was exactly learned.
I agree too much with this statement, it's almost criminal. (why? because I'm paying extravagant amounts of money for school to teach me about learning to learn when it should really be about me finding things out for myself.. but maybe I'm missing the point)
Another resource that people don't realize they already have is their current social circle, be it comprised mostly of acquaintances or fake best friends, or friends you chat with online. Sometimes it seems like a challenge to build on something you missed the opportune time for, but take what you can get and run with it, if only to practice social skills. Make an effort to reach out to people you 'know' because although you might get your expected reactions with select few, sometimes other people surprise you by being willing to listen to what you're saying. Then when you feel brave, immerse yourself in a whole new area with lots of opportunities to talk to new people (be it work or a hangout place) and test out your honed skills.
Part of the whole social thing online, I've found, is if you're comfortable and secure with who you are, more people are likely to want to converse with you. Have some confidence. Everyone feels more isolated than belonging but some people are better at hiding it.