Are their any recovering/former hikkomoris on here? I am one and want to know if anyone has similar experiences. Do any support groups exist for hikkomoris?
the point is; you don't sounds like a hikki, you just sound like someone who had a more normal kind of reclusive period. Largely because, someone who's experiences real hikkikomori-ism would be unlikely to say something like 'you just have to get off your ass' etc. It's the getting outside, and doing it repeatedly, that's the problem. You don't sound like someone who understands the stress and anxiety a hikki feels when trying to do such things. Hikki's need to go outside and resume regular activities; yes, duh. But just being aware of that and wanting to do so, isn't enough to make it reasonably possible. It takes work, sometimes a lot of work, and time, to fix the anxiety and such.
Hi. You're full of it.
You want someone to enable you and feel sorry for you. You don't want to face up to the fact that...yes...it IS that goddamned easy. Get off your ass and feel free to join the workforce/society/academia. You just want to wallow in self pity and helplessness and be some wannabe protected species.
Fuck that noise, Charlie.
I was pretty goddamned hikkikomori or whatever. That's what reclusiveness is...
I didn't go fuck anywhere didn't do a goddamned thing....until finally I said "Fuck it...Life's a bitch and I'm gonna dance" and got off my ass and on my feet and got back into the game.
What you really need is someone to say "Dude, you're fucking up. Yeah life sucks....suck your titties for a while...nurse your wounded pride and cowboy the fuck up and get back out in the world."
No...that would actually solve your problems. You just want an excuse to do fucknothing.
but hey I could be wrong.
>But just being aware of that and wanting to do so, isn't enough to make it reasonably possible. It takes work, sometimes a lot of work, and time, to fix the anxiety and such.
"Getting off your ass" is the first step to getting past anxiety.
>you don't sounds like a hikki, you just sound like someone who had a more normal kind of reclusive period
To be honest, most people on here who call themselves "hiki" seem to just be relatively normal people who have slipped into a reclusive way of life somehow, but don't want to go back to 'normal' life so have this cool little label that means that they are unique. I'm not saying these people don't suffer anxiety about going outside after such a long period because it's such a major change. But just because a person is scared to go outside it doesn't mean that they should stay inside for the rest of their life.
>so have this cool little label that means that they are unique.
Not really. This place is 90% weeaboos/4channers/otaku, so being able to label themselves as something Japanese related = MEGA KAWAII.
hello im another failure and im sorry but it's not true that i feel this is some kind of cool lable. I hate it i cant visit my few freinds and everyday i feel sick to my stomach. But there is a good side i have recovered slightly. When in public i stay Anonymous in the face mask ect. This still gives me the outside a human needs but I feel as if im alone like back at home. But key people by staying Anonymous dont make your self look like a complete outcast.
>just because a person is scared to go outside it doesn't mean that they should stay inside for the rest of their life
Yes it does.
>>51 here
>>52 and >>53
What? I'm not a hikki, therefore i'm not looking sympathy or for anyone to enable me. It's definitely true that hikki has become a popular label for anyone that becomes reclusive; perhaps i should have clarified that I regard a hikki as someone with a very severe problem, rather than your regular recluse. Well, i'm a very bad communicator. To label all recluses as hikki's doesn't work; and it's definitely not correct to say that all recluses could just immediately go back to living normal lives anytime they really wanted- like all of them are just lazy or cowardly or something.
From what i've read elsewhere, as well as post here on 4-ch, and a relative and a uni friend who are ex hikki's, it's quite clear that for the real severe recluses, the people I think it's fair to call hikki's, it's not always/often something that can be solved simply by saying 'ok! i'm going outside!'. For some, the anxiety can just be too severe to suddenly force themselves to resume normal daily activities. They may wish they could very much. Look at >>55, who apparently hates not being able to visit his friends and feels sick about it. In cases where there is a severe problem like this, recovery is a process of steps, just like with other anxiety/social disorders/phobias.
I'm not saying that all you have to do is get up and leave the house. By "getting off your ass" I mean realising you have anxiety problems and taking steps towards resolving those problems (e.g. therapy, exercise etc). I'm not expecting a recluse to suddenly be able to leave his or her house and wander through a city centre without a care in the world. But you have to start with something, even if it's just going one step outside of your door everyday and then slowly increasing it.
> it's just going one step outside of your door everyday and then slowly increasing it.
Going one step outside of the door is a milestone; it actually takes a lot of courage and effort from the hikki himself. So, calling it "getting off your ass" is quite unfair for the hikki.
Get off your asses.
Everything is going to be a milestone though. One step outside the door is a milestone, a second step is another milestone. To make progress you always have to get through some milestones. I'm not saying its an easy milestone for a recluse to take a step his/her door like it's easy for me to do the same, but a recluse has already admitted defeat if they don't want to try to get closer to that milestone.
I'm pretty reclusive, especially within the last year , but recnetly I spend most my time out of my apartment. I still have huge social anxity but I spend my time walking around down town and sitting in the park and shit. I don't do It with any one else, and I don't even want to. I have extra money saved up and I didn't go to school this semester, but I think I got my shit together to try to be "normal" again. Hell, I'm posting this from a book shop.
No seriously. Get off your asses. You don't have some social disorder. protip: life sucks for everybody
>life sucks for everybody
Life doesn't suck for the same reasons. You'd be afraid of being proven wrong by finding that out. And no, it's not a social disorder, relatively speaking. But it is a social difficulty, and an immense one at that.
> but a recluse has already admitted defeat if they don't want to try to get closer to that milestone.
We are talking about anxiety. Thinking about it is already distressing. And you are expecting the recluse to have a strong urge against it and take action to overcome it. That's quite a huge recovery journey.
"Getting off one's ass" is not that easy, really.
Wait,people have a "normal recluse" period???
a lot of people get faced with too much shit and just sulk away for a few months.
It does not happen to every one, but it is common.
as for "getting off one's ass" thats the main problem that they have to face, not the first step.
getting off you're ass is easy even for a Hikkomori,
the problem is the social interaction,
for me i hate even going to the shop because i have to talk to the shopkeeper,
sometimes i can be absolutely fine but then other times i can be absolutely drained and be searching for the exit (more often than not)
the thing is Hikkomori have found a way not to feel anxiety and that is stay away from people and writing on forums such as this.
>>68
At least use the right word if you're so desperate to call yourself that way.
All you need is HARDCORE willpower...
I'm fucking useless at many things... I view most people (including myself) with utter contempt - but if theress something you want to achieve no matter what, you'll be willing to suffer hell in order to achieve it. People are worthless (this point of view is bullshit (although so is that point of view(indeed, all points of view are equally worthless if you think too much about it)))...
Categorizing yourself as having a "social disorder" is only a pathetic excuse.
I got the shit kicked out of me at highschool most of the time and generally had the mindset that everything I do and think is "wrong" and other people are "right". In my own mind I was a worthless piece of shit - that was the polite thing to do, right? Therefore I deserved everything I got.
Even after highschool for two years at collage I had this mindset - I didn't go out, I never had any friends, I hated myself (Not in a fucking emo way, I just thought I was worthless, didn't make any fuss about it).
I'm a different person now - I have friends, I generally content. Mainly because I have something I want to achieve no matter what - I don't care about other people, I just put all my effort into achieving my dream. If I happen to befreind people along the way, then that's OK. (of course, I still retain my pessimistic, cynical view of people, but thats no big deal ;))
I think i've been in the kind of situation you've been in (or at least a similar kind)) It's tough to deal with - and IMPOSSIBLE to explain to other people - so don't even try.
Abandon the vauge hope, that someone out there will understand your situation, your feelings, or in some way help you out... Thats Bullshit.
Ultimately, you'll have to fight your way through your situation ON YOUR OWN. NO "SUPPORT" GROUPS. No friends, no family. Just you. I'm familiar with this situation (i'm not trying to be arrogant, or assume that I know who you are! Just trying to help out!). You have to grit your teeth and change your own conception of yourself no matter how hard it might be. Fuck that! Change what you think other people's conception of yourself is! I used to think other people thought of me as a physically weak anti-social geek - so I took up thai-boxing and excerices with great enthusiasm (simply because it didn't fit into the preconception I felt other people gave me). Although I don't do as much excercise as I used to - I still manage to suprise people! Break the preconception that other people have of you as well as your own preconception of your self - do something you'd never imagine or picture "someone like you" doing!
It's all about willpower. If you have a dream or obsession that you're willing to achieve no matter what the cost, then you WILL grit your teeth and tough it out, no matter what kind of hell you have to go through.
There is no "support group" that will help you. There are no "self help" books or sites that will offer you guidance. There is no secret admirer that will bail you out at the last minute. There is only YOU. You, and a whole world of other (EQUALLY) worthless human beings. Pathetic, vain, arrogant, self-loving, self-hating, secretly starved for attention humans.
If you're really serious about finding a way out of your hell - you HAVE to realise that the - only one that will help you is YOU.
If you manage to find a definite way out, you will be a tougher, stronger person. If you make it that far you'll be far stronger that the self-obsessed majority.
If you're really in the self-imposed nightmare that I was in for almost all of my youth, I honestly hope you can find a way out.
Remember - you don't need to be positive you don't need to be "happy", you don't need to worry about finding friends or someone that will accept or love you.. you just need to be able to call upon HARDCORE WILLPOWER. No matter how hard or lonely life gets, you'll tough it out, doing your own thing.
If you can't do this, then no amout of support groups or self-help articicles will ever help you.
>>70
OK, now 99% of the Personal Issues boards, attention: please print this post in huge letters and stick it to your wall.
No support groups.
No friends.
No family.
Yourself only.
Final Destination.
man i bet this guy is impossible to be around in real life
no wonder he became a "recluse", it's not because he is in ANY way a hikikomori case, it's because, well, who the fuck would want to be around someone like that?
i like how you admit straight away that you 'spew' right wing politics for a year, cause the way you carry yourself and the tenor of your speech is comically stereotypical
Well, I'm not a hardcore hikki, in fact, I'm not even sure I can quite define myself as one. I have a job at Subway, usually closing shifts, I like my co-workers generally, and I'm making some money. I have three classes at a Community College right now, but my GPA is sitting at a less than pretty 3.0, what can I say, I'm lazy. I have maybe one friend, who is kind of useless, he never wants to go anywhere, I haven't really talked to him this month. To be honest with you, I think my life is rather lonely and boring, I feel totally remote, I can't talk to my mom without getting irritated, my dad is never around, I mostly dislike my sister, and my school's social scene is jam packed with people that have no desire to do anything at all at the end of class. I feel stuck right now, I come home around noon-1:30p, pick up my sister at 2:30p, and go to work at 4:00p. I come home anywhere from 8 to 10pm, depending on my shift, and I sit in front of the computer until about 11pm. Then I go to bed.
What I have written is my entire life. There is nothing else. Frankly, I feel like killing myself every month or so.
>>29
Hi, this is >>25 back once more. Yeah, I am spending countless hours in the tutoring center at my CC, working on my math. Its actually going well, I really have the principles of equation solving down pretty solidly.
But, its the numbers that get me. You know, things like moving decimal points when working with percentages. I guess that I'm better at abstract pattern problems, like the ones on IQ tests, and things that can be better visualized.
All that I can say to the shut-ins out there is to just get out into the world. It has not been easy, sometimes I just feel burned out. Just keep this in mind: there is no escaping your fate or destiny, if you lack the initiative to meet it on your own terms while you still can, fate may come down upon you much harder later, on it's terms.
I have to do a lot of studying too to get my math skills from childhood back, but it's going really well since I have quite the superior abstract/visual reasoning skills. You'll get it down perfectly if you keep at it.
>>76
Oh yeah, did I also mention that I have fatigue problems? Yeah, I don't exercise much because I'm always tired, so I look like shit to be honest.
Drink more water. Then just eat healthier foods. Simple. I am a testament to this.
>>80
Also, try to get at least 8 full hours of sleep each night, preferably on regular hours (you need to have a rythm so your body knows well when he must be awake or not). 8 to 10 hours is ideal.
How hard IS it to get off your lazy asses and ...you know...live?
>>77
OP here, math is still a struggle for me but one of the good things about re-taking pre-algebra in your later years seems to be that your capacities for mental math/practical math rise. For instance, when I order food with friends I can calculate the tip and taxes and the guy who is in Calculus now doesn't have a clue on how to do that.
tip: 0, taxes: included in price of meal already.
Isn't it awesome living in a place which puts the work of calculating the tax where it belongs?
>>42
wonderful advice to those who are in need of help.
OP here, let's get back on topic to stories of continuing recovery!
Ex-two-year shut-in, female 19 years old, 5 months in recovery.
Life is difficult, it often feels like a strain, under pressure I sometimes wish I could return to my old life but I take a step back and am amazed at how far I have come. Not long ago I was fearful of never being independent, only left the house once every month or two, and only interacted with my immediate family, but now I have started tertiary education and moved away from home and I mostly take care of my own financial situation. Things are not ideal, I still hole myself up in my room quite a bit, I stress out quite a bit over school work and get anxious about eating in the dining hall, but I have a few friends, haven't missed a class, have been getting between B+ and A+ grades for my assignments/tests and things are gradually improving for me.
My recovery began with a simple decision that enough was enough and I applied to a school and was successful and that was it. I now force myself to do something positive on most days, this could be as simple as speaking up in class, going to a shop I am not familiar with, making sure I am eating relatively well, or just getting enough sleep. Posting this here too is a positive step, I have often shied away from posting in this thread, even though I wanted to, closing the browser before finishing, I'm not sure why..
Since I arrived at the school I have realised that my course of study isn't something I am very interested in, but I see it more as a step to permanent change, the experience is valuable in more ways than just educationally. It is important for me who has lost two years social, emotional and intellectual growth, I often feel a lot younger than my peers. Though, interestingly enough I don't regret being a shut-in, I think I learnt a lot about myself with all that introspection.
Well, anyway, the course is only a year and a half long, after this year I am unsure as to what I want to do, eventually I want to travel, but until then I don't know.
Well, I hope this doesn't sound too lame.
I'm glad to see that things are looking better for you. As for what you want to do, you're still young and have a lot of time to decide. Taking community college courses is a good way to help make that decision. There are a number of careers that require traveling. A coworker of mine is a freelance photographer who travels to many places as part of his career. A few of my university classmates also have jobs that require travel.
I hope that you continue to move forward and not make that U-turn back to the life of isolation your once knew.
>>91
OP here, I'm glad you had to courage to finally post.
shamelessly bumping because I feel this thread is important
I'm curious, have any ex-hikkis/shut-ins come to think of their time in seclusion as a positive experience rather than just regretting it, despite the suffering at the time?
I got to thinking after reading this quote..
>“The two and a half years was very important for me. It’s was the most important time in my life I think. The experience of Hikikomori was a very positive experience for me.
When I did school-refusal, teachers, relatives, parents, neighbours didn’t understand me. So I felt an enormous pressure to go to school - So I could not go. And during that time I had to ask myself who I am. I had to ask myself why I should go to school and why I don’t go to school. So the time was very important for me.
… So now I think like that, but when I was doing Hikikomori or school refusal, it was a very very hard experience for me.”
>>95
My experience was a positive one. Things in life seem easier now almost.
>>95
I definitely regret letting this problem develop into what it is now. If I could write a letter to myself and send it back in time I would definitely nip this problem in the butt.
>>91
This is me. Except I'm a little younger and approaching my third year of being a leech.
Dear blog.
Despite how young I am I feel as if it's too late to change. I know what I'm doing is self destructive and will not benefit me; which leads me to argue with myself because both my parents are tired of me.
Every night before I go to sleep I say that the next day I'll go out for a walk and pass my old school. But it's never happened because I was too afraid of being spotted by the neighbours. I've tried doing it at night but I'm too afraid of the dark. One of these days I'll do it.
I was a hikikomori for about two years, until about three weeks ago. Age 15-17. Went outside of my room to take a shit/piss, get something to eat, didn't go to school, sat on the internet as much as I could. I think I learned a lot, being alone with a vast amount of readily-available knowledge, the means to communicate with like-minded individuals, and at the same time having complete ignorance of what is happening outside the door.
I temporarily went cold-turkey on the internet, got a full-time job, basically thrust myself into society. I'd have to say, I am saddened by the participants of society I am now surrounded with. I'm not as good as I'd like to be at communicating and there's no way I can tell somebody all of the things I have to say, so I have the internet to communicate with people.
I'm not happy with the requirement for money that previous generations have set up for people like me. I put all of my value in the immaterial; companionship, understanding, trust, anything having to do with love. I am forced to be part of a society that is materialistic, dishonest, shallow... it hurts to think about it.
I guess what I need to do now is make a few IRL relationships, with people who can relate with what I am going through, or at least understand it.
>>98
Few steps for your problem:
1-buy a bongo or djembe or any kind of similar hand-drumming device.
2-train just a little bit to get some rythm in that heart of yours
3-bang the day away in parks and such, and the night away at beaches and such (or parks or fields or whatever)
4-wait for other bangers to come, attracted by the banging
5-bang around with them (see what I did there?)
Also works well with a guitar if you're able to play some folk/reggae.
And you know, I'm only half kidding.
I am a recovering Hikki.
My mental state got a lot better. I have a plan regarding the future now.
It is terrible to think of all the wasted time but on the other hand I found my "soul". So I am myself now, before that I didn't have a personality...
There are several problems:
Still, it's worth going outside.
I met a friend, a girl, from middle school, we used to hold hands and stuff, now she has a 3 year old daughter and she knew I "like children" but also that she can trust me and she let me play with her child.
WOW... very cute, she explored my morning shadow from up close for half an hour, she was drolling by the end. That really bumped by ego.
I think I want to work with children.
Maybe be attraction to them was not even sexual but just the human instinct.