I was just dumped on my 18th birthday. Please cheer me up, 4-ch. ._. I feel really crappy right now.
At least you're not with someone who'd dump someone on their birthday now.
Also, did you get a present?
>>At least you're not with someone who'd dump someone on their birthday
ROFL! you should have left the "now" out
>>1
What a slut! Seeing this, she did indeed give you a great present; her absence. Might take a while for you to learn to appriciate this fantastic gift, but once you do, you'll realize you're better off.
OP Here. I'm a girl. It was a male who dumped me.
I'm done crying my eyes out. Now I need to make goals. My boyfriend was my only friend and my only form of socialization. I'm a girl who is average height/weight, not particularly attractive, and doesn't have a sense of style. I like playing video games, tabletop games (D&D, Iron Kingdoms, etc), watching anime, building computers, and other such geeky stuff. I cannot associate with anyone who smokes or drink (Smoking because of a severe allergy, and drinking for personal reasons). How can I make friends? I'm already on Anonidate, PlentyofFish, JustSayHi, OkCupid, and Myspace. I have a volunteer job, but no one my own age ever comes in. I don't have time to get a part-time job.
I'm considering either beginning to go to church, even though I'm not religious, or hanging around the local hobby shop. I have this vision in my mind that if I walk into the hobby shop, all of the geek-guys will drop their D&D books and warhammer figures, point and say, "OMFG A GIRL, GET HER." but I know that won't happen. The geeks around here are actually pretty stuck up, and aren't desperate for friends or girls.
So, how do I go about making friends? How do I initiate a conversation? What do I do if they laugh in my face? What kind of clothes should I wear?
Please help me, 4-ch.
Don't bother with church, that's not the right route to companionship. In fact, hobby shops are your best bet. Just be confident. People don't approach introverted, reserved people for two reasons. They're introverted and reserved, and the other reason is they often feel intimidated, as if you were some stuck up snobby person who would shun them. When you're quiet, people can't really get to know you right off the bat. You have to force yourself to be outgoing to an extent.
Though, I say this and I'm pretty much in your shoes myself; geeky, nil socialization. I'm just going by past experience.
As for how to initiate a conversation, simply start talking about similar interests. If your in a hobby shop, for example, and spot some guy looking at an anime your interested in, bring it up and expand from there.
>>4
Well wat I wrote holds up regardless.
Also I think you should stay yourself. I have no sense of style either and I fucking like it. You don't need to be all that outgoing, just be nice and open to people, and be ready to make a sacrifice to reach out every now and then. There are no guarantees anything good will come from it, and your worst fears of being laughed at and rejected might happen, but you just need to keep your chin up and stay confident.
Don't do the church thing unless you're curious about God and open to become religious. Besides the majority of christians anywhere are just hypocrites anyway. Build on your interests and go to places where they take you. You will feel at home there as you have something in common with people who hangs at such places.
Don't worry so much about making a fool of yourself. Often this just serves to let people close to you, they don't feel so uptight about approaching you since you've allowed yourself to let your guard down. You just need to be ok about making a slip.
OP here. I went to the hobby shop, and it turns out that a guy I know works there. I sat down and played some Magic the Gathering with his buddy, but he seemed annoyed by the fact that I wasn't a very good player. I tried to stay optimistic, but he was just going so fast and he was doing that thing where you bounce your knee quickly to make time go by when you're in a situation that you want to get out of. Geeks in my area are pretty stuck-up. They told me to stop by on Saturday, as a bunch of people play then.
I'm glad I know a person on the "inside," even though we only know eachother's names. I couldn't be friends with him, because he's the kind of guy who drinks and then sleeps around with as many women as possible. Maybe I'll be able to find a friend through him, though.
I'll admit, I was pretty nervous. Somehow I have a feeling that this won't get me very far.
>>7
You can't be friends with him because of that?
Sounds kind of stuck up, but sure, I guess if you feel that it isn't good for you to associate with people who might be a bad influence or whatever...
Also you will be nervous until you find someone you can befriend, hang in there and wait for people to come and go, eventually someone you can connect well with might show up.
Don't just give up.
Also think about other options you could try, any interest you have can be exploited to find groups to become a part of. The more connections with similar minded people you have, the bigger the chance you'll eventually find someone you can hang out with.
Do you study? If so, you can try something there, too.
Well, first of all friends on websites like MySpace don't really count as friends unless you knew them before, but try going to more concerts, school events, and just try to start conversations.
Ways to start conversations:
-start with small talk
-if something is interesting in your school at the time, talk about that
-I personally make friends by jumping around to different cliques (really annoys the populars), instead of sticking to one
-I myself am punk/science nerd
Oh dear friend I know how it feels.
I was dumped 3 day before grad. It hurts, but hey time numbs all wounds.
Your not in this alone. :D Even if it feels like it :(
OP here. I should note that I'm getting my diploma online, so there's no hope of me making friends through school. I have a job, but it's in a place that only old Christian ladies go to, so I haven't had any chance of making friends there. I hate concerts because I can't stand loud noises. I've decided that I need to get my license ASAP, so I can begin going to different places, like pool halls, card game tournaments, anime conventions, and other such things. I found out that my old DM from D&D night likes to play War Machine at the hobby shop on weekends, so maybe I can work something out with him to get into a campaign that my ex isn't it.
On a side note, I'm now past the "denial" phase of grief and into the "break down and cry, don't eat, don't sleep, don't want to go anywhere" phase. I really feel like shit. I just can't stop crying. I don't know what to do.
>>12
Aaaw. :(
hugs
Hang in there, things will look up eventually. You must have some shoulder you can lean on?
It's a little lame, but in any case, you've got 4-ch.
Trolls aside, you can always find a good word here.
Last time I got kicked I went into a deep hole. Made me wonder why I cared so much for someone I hardly knew in the first place, and slowly I was able to set myself apart from that person and from the need to be with someone I had back there. Some time passed, I definetely became more aware of myself, and I got into a good relationship that's lasting.
Try to think more about your good points, and how good it can be to be with you. If you understand that, you're on the way out of this mess ;D
OP your just like me. :<. Let's date.
Comforting lies. When you feel alone, you are alone.
Thanks >>13 . :( I don't have a shoulder to cry on, no. All I have is a cat, although he's been comforting to me. I've actually been calling my boyfriend's roommate and talking to him a bit. It helped me a bit. He's a good guy. It just sucks that I have to sit in my room alone while I go through this.
My ex is stopping by today to drop off my things. I know I'm going to collapse into his arms and just bawl. :/ I don't know if I can handle this.
>>I know I'm going to collapse into his arms and just bawl. :/ I don't know if I can handle this.
That's so cute. If I was your ex I don't think I could handle that either.
OP here.
Thanks for all of your help, 4-ch. Earlier today, I found out that my ex already has a new girlfriend. I was going to kill myself. I really was. I cleaned my room so that my father didn't have to deal with a mess when I was gone. I was trying to think of the best method, and figured that death-by-train would probably be best. I just crashed. I completely lost touch of who I was and what was happening.
I felt so trapped, but then a friend called me. She's an internet friend that I've been close to for about six years now. She gave me a stern talking to. And then a gentle talking to. And then she began comparing my life to a manga.
I began cheering up a bit, although through tears. We talked for an hour or two or three (I completely lost track) about how my life is a manga. The odd characters, the plot twists, the story arcs... And then we moved onto what would happen in the future. We came up with so many amazing ideas that I suddenly couldn't wait for the future to come. I reread all of the replies you made for me, and I became even stronger.
It seems like today has been a very, very long day. It's like I had shut my true self away in some dark place, and suddenly I was able to break free from that. I can't believe the things I've said or done over the past few days. I was begging him to take me back, saying how I don't care if he did things that went against my morals. I put a boy ahead of my health, my career, and my future, and that's not that not me.
I suddenly feel refreshed and ready. I'm still a little depressed, I'm still having trouble eating, but at least I know that my mind is sane once more. No matter what I go through, I know that I always have someone that I can come to - you, 4-ch. You're always here for me.
I know I've grown up a lot today. I feel like I'm suddenly ready to leave my childhood behind and enter adulthood. I picked up an application for a local college, and I bought a new computer. I'm ready to kick ass and play card games - and I'm all out of cards.
Thank you for your support, 4-ch. It's amazing how just a few short words from some of you, combined with some rare and amazing people from /b/ have been able to have such an effect on me. You are all blessed people, and I love you all.
Thank you, 4-ch. Thank you so very, very much.
I'm in a bit of a dark day now, and it makes me feel better, too, to see you're better. And that was really touching.
I'm happy for you, OP.
Have a good "new" life!
>>19
Sounds like your friend called just the right time. I'm happy you're still with us girl. :)
Keep your mind on all the good things that can come in the future, what you and your friend were talking about. And if you ever feel down about your boyfriend leaving you, know that there is a whole sea of lonely nerds right here who would give their right nut just to date, anything even resembling a woman. So where there was one, ten more stand ready to take his place.
We're not all that rancid, just fucking retarded. I'd sure appriciate a massive nerd for a gf, such as yourself. So stay positive, you've lost nothing that cannot be replaced.
Besides, your ex sounds like a wanker anyway.
>>19
I doubt that it's over, you'll relapse and feel horrible. I think that's important to say so you don't suddenly shift in perspective and think the only way out is suicide.
>>22 I really appreciate your concern. If that's the case, I may have to look into some counseling / therapy to make sure it doesn't hurt me too badly. Tonight, though, I smiled at my ex and laughed in his face while he was returning my things. I told him that we both had a lot of growing up to do, and that his beautiful (lol) new gothic girlfriend would certainly make him happy. He began crying and whimpered out an "I love you" and tried to hug me. I laughed, pushed him away, and told him that a few years from now, when he's done some growing up, to give me a call. As for now, I'm curling up with my cat and a good book and relaxing for the first time in a long, long time.
>>I smiled at my ex and laughed in his face
>>He began crying and whimpered out an "I love you" and tried to hug me. I laughed, pushed him away...
You know how some materials are leading for electricity while others are not? It's about shared properties.
What I'm saying is, you're leading for the faggotry of your ex, because you like him, are a fucking douchebag. So now I'm asking myself; why the fuck have I been sitting here, sharing my empathy with you? Because your ex got an oppertunity to get charged with stupidity before you did?
It's not about who did what and when, but where it stops. You were going to throw yourself into his arms, crying. Now he did that, and you fucking punch him in the face. Would you have wanted that shit? Him, laughing in your fucking face and pushing you away at a moment of vulnerability? You have so much in common I think you should just get back together with him, you totally deserve eachother.
But you realize he broke up with her? He's in no position to want to come crawling back after he already broke it off on her BIRTHDAY and then went and got a new gf.
>>25
Ofcourse, but that aside, looking at this girl here; I don't see how she does herself justice by lowering herself to the same level as her ex.
Nothing will get better from it, no one will feel better including herself.
I can understand what she did, given the circumstances, but I do not respect it the least.
On the contrary, laughing in someone's face in their most vulnerable moment is empowering and shows that it's a good step forward for OP imo. Laugh all you want OP, you've done no wrong if your story is true.
Also >>19
>Besides, your ex sounds like a wanker anyway.
Changed your mind quick didn't you >>26?
Thanks >>27. To be honest, I had been brooding over >>24 's post for a while. I'm glad someone stepped up to say that he was wrong.
My DM e-mailed me yesterday and said that he wants to arrange a gaming night where my ex won't be around, so that I can still be one of "the guys." This is really excellent for me, as I was afraid I'd have to lose all of the friends I made through him. I just have to get my license now.
Things seem to be working out for me, really. I've been having trouble eating, but I'm working on it. I actually slept last night without sleeping pills, too, although it took several hours to do so. I think it won't be long before I'm over this enough that I'm back to normal, even if I'll always have to carry the pain with me.
>>29 I refuse to go back to being a pitiful, crying mess. Even if I was a bad person, I did it for my personal health and wellness. I will not feel bad about what I did. I will not be weak anymore.
>>30
Well fine, just please don't be that kind of person who would do shit like that. There's enough of them to go around and then some.
I would be interested in knowing your ex-boyfriend's side of the story, oh well, your life isn't for my personal amusement :3.
However, I'd pose the question to everyone posting here if you would'nt have done the same thing. Rather have a vindictive, angry girlfriend who threatens suicide, who takes advantage of "Empowerment" by hurting others, and who on many levels expects to be treated in a way that she will never treat others.
Now imagine that this girl is moving in on your territory, spending time with YOUR friends, playing YOUR games while you are kept away like the monstrous ex-boyfriend that you are.
This sounds like a nightmare.
>>25 Seriously, he needed to break up with her. And now she needs to get the fuck out of his life, leave his friends alone, and stop lashing out and finding ways to hurt others.
>>32
I'm afraid you might be right but I sincerely hope you're wrong. This thread has been quite the plot twist
>Seriously, your whole post imposes shit on OP that you don't even know.
Ironic.
Do you want these people to stop suffering, or do you want to be "right" on the internet?
They need to leave one another alone and develop within their own social circles.
And there are completely plausible reasons why someone would hurt someone they love by breaking up with them or laughing in their face, and it isn't because one party is more righteous than the other. We don't know that the boy's breaking up with this girl on her birthday wasn't his way of lashing out against terrible behavior on her part, we don't know anything and I don't WANT to know. It isn't needed. I say if either one of them tries to cause the other hurt, or starts making the other uncomfortable by weaseling into their social circles (Which is honestly, very easy for a female to do in a typical gamer-type circle) then they're a complete cunt.
>With shit like this OP is better off on 4chan.
If she was a male, you wouldn't be defending her.