For about 3 years now, I've been experiencing unrequited love toward this girl. Normally, unrequited love hasn't had much of an effect on me other than bringing me down whenever I saw her. Unfortunately, it's progressed recently. I purposefully walk out on friends and family that are with their significant others, I get angry every time someone brings it up, I quit my job to spend my days in my room, refusing to come out, and I've lost hours of sleep over it. It's gotten to the point where my ability to function in society has taken a nose dive. I guess what I'm trying to say is, how would one go about getting better? (And no, simply "finding someone else to like" won't work; I've tried it for years now.)
>>1
Finding something else to like and do it with all your heart. Obsess over it. Then your other feelings will be buffered and eventually boil down. When you are cured, you'll still have a hobby.
Ie, pick up an instrument and learn to play it really good, a sport, writing, drawing, painting. Actually, a hobby that allows you to express yourself is the best.
You might want either to practice that alone (if you think you'd rather take some time for yourself so others don't hinder your progress by talking with you about subjects that might bring the girl up), or in a group if you feel that it would help you not developping a social anxiety. Good luck!
>>2 he just said NOT "finding someone else to like" bullshit.
I would say go to a shrink, you might have an emotional trauma or break down..seriously get professional help.
>>3
I have, and it does nothing for me. I have since it began 3 years ago. I've tried multiple shrinks, but it doesn't change the feelings.
Harsh truth time: you're never going to have her. There is no hope for you where she is concerned, and there will be no hope of finding someone else until you get over her.
You can do one of two things: either you can completely shut her out of your life, which would be difficult and hurtful to both of you, I expect.
Or you can accept that she'll never love you the way you want her to, and be grateful for what you do have with her. Build a friendship. It won't be that romantic dream you've longed for, but it will be something. Something quite good, from what I've experienced in the past. If you focus on the non-romantic feelings you have for her, the romantic ones should fade eventually.
Also - simply set yourself some goals for functioning in society again. Work, work out, whatever will take your mind off of her. If you have to mope, at least go on long walks and mope, don't do it alone in your room.
Fap
Take up a hobby to keep your mind off her. Or you can actually try to get closer to her and eventually confessing. If you think you are ready then ask. There is no point in keeping it in and stressing yourself out. I understand how you feel I had the same problem until finally I decided to just confess. It lifted a gigantic burden on my back.
If she says yes, then congrats.
If she rejects you straight out, at least you were able to lift of the burden.
If you are afraid it might hurt your relationship with her then say can u still be friends.
I have more to say but its late so decide what are you going to do and I'll try my best to help.
How about you talk to her?
Obsession is usually just being focused on what you can't have.
So why do you ask her out on a date.
If she rejects you then you can say to yourself. "I tried didn't I?"
Or you might find out a whole bunch of stuff you hate about her and get over it that way.
One thing is for certain, repressing yourself will cause more problems than not.
So have you told her how you felt and she rejected you or have you just not told her? Actually, even if you've told her you should try one last time and if she still rejects you then you should just give it up. I know it's hard, but you should just give it a try. You don't have to try liking someone else right away, just work on getting over her slowly. Force yourself to go out with your friends and spend time with your family. Also, find a job and get a hobby. You can't just spend all your time alone thinking about her. It's simply not healthy.
I told her. The worst possible answer was given; she told me I was ugly and said she liked someone better than me. As for taking up a hobby, I play an instrument, write music, watch anime, etc. In the end of the day, though, my mind wanders back onto her. I wish I could just simply "give her up," but it's much easier said than done.
You should try taking up a new activity where you're going to meet new people. Playing music and watching anime will just keep you confined in your room, so it won't exactly help the situation, as you'll focus even more on your obsession.
>she told me I was ugly and said she liked someone better than me.
Wow, she sounds like a bitch. Why do you want to be with her anyway?
you have to ask yourself, is it initial physical attraction and allowing yourself to be tricked yourself into thinking you love her to legitimize to yourself how how feel ? How much do you know about her? Are you willing to accept her dark side as well? Do you love her to the extent that even if she does not pick you, that you still wish for her happiness, no matter who she is with and accept your feelings that you still love her?
about the only way I can think to start on the path to an eventual relationship is to find some way, any way, to be a part of her everyday life. If you can do this you might have a small chance. but if you love her, be prepared to let her go, if you accept her true feelings, even if they are against you
Find another girlfrind then.. . the best hobby is getting some. I'm the queen of rebounding in order to get over guys. Maybe that's what you need to do
OP--get a good job dude, then get a nice car. Chicks will flock to you once you do that. Forget the other girl. Ignore chicks--that just makes them want YOU. Trust me I know because I used to be fat and ugly but some chicks would be interested in me because I was Cool and the Gang and I would ignore them. Then I lost a bunch of weight and then girls were throwing themselves at me. Met a hot Japanese girl online, married her, had a child, and the rest is history. Byenara!