I used to be a real huge nerd with no social life just untill recently. I had no friends at all and I only left my house to go to school. At the end of my junior year I moved to a different city and I decided that I needed to change. I lost a lot of weight, started dressing better, and just took better care of myself in general. When this school year started I made a lot of good friends started going to parties and all that and just having a fun high school life. I have really good friends that all try to help me out, and they've all mentioned one thing or another about my nerdy personality.
I would say I'm a funny guy, and that's pretty much the only reason I've been able to make friends. I'm so clumsy, I lack a lot of common sense, and I have no confidence in myself. The way I do things in generally are very akward, like my walk, the way I use my hands, the way I always fidget and always look like I'm nervous. I want to stop acting like this. I've tried imitating my friends on how they do thing but nothing sticks.
I'm not that ugly or anything but I am also just too nervous around girls. My friends have tried hooking my up with girls but it never works out. I just don't know what to say to girls when I'm around them. All the advice my friends give me just don't work.
I want to change. I don't want to act like this anymore. I want to have confidence in the way I do things and just be more of a man.
it just takes time, you can do it
You shouldn't try to change your personality or even your mannerisms, you should just try to be the best version of YOU that you can be... what you really need to do is improve your confidence, and everything else will follow.
As for girls, just spend more time with them to get used to them, talk to them as if they were one of your male friends, minus a few topics, I think you know what those are. Its not as if they speak another language or anything.
Listen, don't you ever change.
If you're friends really are your friends, they don't mind your personality. I know how you feel. I can't really say I'm a nerdy type but my friends do sometimes warn me about my childish jokes and other stuff. But they're still my friends and won't stop being just because of those tiny details.
If you change, people will like you for the person you are not! And you don't want that, do you? Being nerd isnt bad. It's just being good in other matters. You may lack social pop culture but you're good in stuff you're friends will never be. It'll take time for you to adjust yourself, but don't try and force it. Let it be step by step.
For example, I entered college with the theory that drinking and smoking was just bad and I was never gonna do it. I don't smoke and never will, but I begun drinking socially, which is a thing I never thought I would be capable of. I might say I changed a bit. And that bit brought me opportunities of new friends and new places to go out with them...you see, of course this is just an example, but the bit I changed granted me to go out more with my friends and experience the same stuff they did. I wasnt forced. I thought...what the heck, why not? Let's give it a try.
You can do the same with other stuff. Not with drinking, but with getting used to talk about pop culture in general. Try watching the same series your friends do. Of course they may suck, but if you never tried u cant deny it. Or try telling ur friends about ur tastes and maybe ull even make them have a bit more in common with you.
Just my opinion... ;)
Don't you ever dare imitate people!
No one is there to be clones. Just be yourself!
If you think your so-called 'nerdy personality' needs to change, you just need to be exposed to the 'other side'. Just hang out with them at those places without being nervous and you'll slowly blend in. The reason why you are nervous among girls is because you are too conscious of yourself and you think that people will dislike you because of that trait of yours. You can in fact be 'nerdy' with girls. I don't think they will ostracize you. You can be their 'brainy guy' instead of 'nerdy guy' !
And who says being 'nerdy' is not being a man? You have a penis like any other male!
Yes! Patience, my friend. As a girl who prefers nerdy guys, I've noticed that (sadly?) you guys tend to get girlfriends a wee bit later--but they'll be ones who appreciate your nerdiness, I swear.
There are a lot of us who think nerds are really attractive.
My boyfriend is a huge, gigantic nerd; and also one of the manliest men I know. He holds open doors for me, behaves like a gentleman (well, most of the time...we all know us nerds are giant perves) and would beat the bejesus out of anyone who hurt me.
Just be yourself and have patience, you'll be appreciated eventually.
Just be yourself.
>>4
>>7
What they said. Be yourself. Imitating people will make you more self conscious - you'll constantly be checking yourself to see if your being just like your friends are, which in the long run will make you more unhappy with yourself. Also people can tell when your trying to be just like someone else and those people will talk about you. And when they do you'll just end up worse than you would've been if you just would've been yourself.
about the girls:
don't force yourself to come up with a topic with girls. its unnatural and insincere. since you're not so experienced, your first step is NOT to have a girlfriend, but to MAKE friends that are girls. Be a friend to them. A tip to do this: if you were that girl, what kind of friend would she want? Be that kind of person. :)
My advice is instead of trying to change yourself to get a girl, find a girl who likes you like you are. The steps that you say you've taken are a great start, and will help you out a lot, but you shouldn't try to totally change who you are.
If you're a nerdy guy, find a nerdy girl! You will probably share many common interests, which is always a plus. And she'll appreciate the fact that you treat her like a person instead of a set of breasts. (PROTIP: Make sure to treat her like a person instead of a set of breasts.)
Anyway, good luck >>1. I was in your shoes once. But then I went to college, and everything got better. Just remember that it's not the end of the road if you don't get laid before graduation.
>>12 Yes! That's my favorite thing about nerdy guys, actually--while a lot of them might be giant perves at heart, they respect me for whatever intelligence I might have, not for the size of my boobs.
Is having a high IQ not a bad thing? I over annalize things and I feel like its a down fall. at times I feel like its pointless to change who I am. I dont think you should worry about being who you are. as long as you dont worry about it something is bound to happen. I told my self I would give up but it seems when I feel the most down things change. just be your self and keep fighting I know your bound to meet someone who likes you for how respectful. word of advice dont fall in love too fast when you meet the special someone, you can mess things up fast if you do.
Dont Change for anyone!